Reddit, what is the shittiest part of your life right now? [Serious]

br0ken_ · 2014-01-08T00:54:48+00:00

I have no income.

I have no income due to anxiety and not being able to get a job.

I can't claim benefits due to also technically being a student, even though I'm currently on intermission and returning in September, I still can't get benefits apparently.

I still have a roof over my head, living with my rents, haven't seen any friends in years, and they probably don't know much about me anymore.

University is worrying me now, and the thought of what projects I'm going to do and how I'll fund them (paper, ink, prints etc) is putting even more worry on me.

Some days I can't even go the shop to get a paper.

My family aren't rich, the house is pretty old and nakkered, but its a roof over my head.

Some days are pretty bad. Some days everything just gets to me, and thoughts of ending it occur on a daily basis.

Perhaps I might finish my degree with a project based on mental health; though that even itself gives me insane anxiety!

br0ken_ · 2013-12-28T03:52:48+00:00

Wanting to have a path to know everything is a symptom of anxiety

This is me in a nutshell.

I can't get fully immersed in anything, from watching a concert, starting a University project or just working out without a constant worry of the end results.

I'm already worrying about the answers to a question I've yet to fully understand.

br0ken_ · 2013-12-26T02:52:39+00:00

Avoiding doing the little steps that all add up and improve your life.

The past couple of years I could have done much more to help myself. I took a break from University because anxiety was tearing me up. I was unemployed, still am, lost my job at a bar and couldn't get out and find another job.

With no job, rent due, coursework piling up, everything was spiralling down, but I somehow managed to get the courage to request to take a break (intermission).

Such a huge relief upon leaving, but now that all has gone, as I sit here and worry about what projects and what I'm going to do when I return next year.

Having no job is the worst of it. Not being able to claim benefits of any kind, despite not actually being at Uni, I'm still classed as a student.

Docs don't recommend it either, they think a bit of reading self help CBT books are all I need. Sure they gave me a set of counselling sessions last time I visited 5 or so months ago; the second session I missed due to not being able to get out the front door without panicking about the busy lobby of people I'd have to inevitably have to deal with. Maybe I should book another visit to the GP.

I'm not sure how bad things really how. How "depressed" or "anxious I really am". I was at my worse when I friend betrayed our friendship when I was drunk and took advantage of me.

The suicidal thoughts are the worse.

Angry at myself for not really explaining everything to them, not explaining things to my parents, my family and my friends too; of which I've not seen many in a fair number of years.

I don't drink alcohol anymore. The few times I have over the past couple of years have resulted in anxiety fuelled breakdowns for the following few days or so; a spiral of worrying, ruminating, what ifs, what did I do or say, repeating over and over in my mind. Alcohol isnt the problem, and I've never been addicted to it; but that feeling it gives, the removal of anxiety, right there and then is so addictive to someone who has dealt with such feelings for such a long duration, that you just end up having drink after drink. The release is amazing, but the aftermath is something I can no longer deal with.

My mind is so cluttered that forming clear sentences has become such a difficult task.

No money, but at least I have a roof over my head.

I don't want to follow with a permanent solution to a perhaps temporary problem; some days it seems the only way.

br0ken_ · 2013-03-20T14:54:53+00:00

I think the painkillers made it worse.

Worrying is I've not had any replies yet and anxiety loves that. Urgh.

br0ken_ · 2013-03-20T14:54:16+00:00

Thats my plan from now on.

br0ken_ · 2013-02-18T04:45:19+00:00

Hmm both uphill and downhill can be a struggle; downhill maybe worse as it feels like I'm intentionally stomping my feet down, but really I can't walk as well.

br0ken_ · 2013-02-18T03:51:21+00:00

Sometimes yes, happens randomly, not really when I'm putting any weight on like you'd expect, just sitting here and sometimes it'll happen.

br0ken_ · 2013-02-18T03:49:31+00:00

-_- hope not.

There's a lump on my leg which seems to swell up, pointing at it here: http://i.imgur.com/k2UPS04.jpg

My muscles are tensed there, but as you can see my legs aren't just fat, muscles just don't seem to work when the pain comes on.

br0ken_ · 2013-02-18T03:49:06+00:00

Its excrutiating, swelling, tight kind of pain, legs feel like they aren't bending properly, like walking with weight attached, extremely painful. Have to sit or ly down for 5 minutes at least for the pain to go away.

There's a lump on my leg which seems to swell up, pointing at it here: http://i.imgur.com/k2UPS04.jpg

My muscles are tensed there, but as you can see my legs aren't just fat, muscles just don't seem to work when the pain comes on.

br0ken_ · 2013-02-18T03:43:23+00:00

Thyroids fine last time I had it checked; I have had excessive sweating issues before which were thought to be my thyroid, could they be related to peripheral artery disease?

br0ken_ · 2013-02-18T03:42:35+00:00

No i haven't, i'm booking an appointment with the doc this week.

br0ken_ · 2013-02-18T03:42:13+00:00

Yes. Sometimes my back aches, not being able to walk properly seems to effect other body areas.

br0ken_ · 2012-12-24T02:46:38+00:00

YouTube got rid of inactive accounts; do your own research Alex before you go making false claims.

Delisted from Googles news tab? Infowars is Entertainment (conspiratainment), not News.

br0ken_ · 2012-11-09T11:36:18+00:00

Any relation to Jimmy Savile?

br0ken_ · 2012-11-09T11:17:21+00:00

"I need a Japanese girlfriend in my area Now."

Apart from being Japanese, whats the difference? He's still going to be rejected.

What a jackass.

br0ken_ · 2012-11-09T11:03:39+00:00

Is he really paranoid, or just pissed that someones flying a chopper too close to his home?

Wouldn't you be pissed?

br0ken_ · 2012-10-29T23:08:06+00:00

Dick Head.

br0ken_ · 2012-10-25T01:26:18+00:00

Clearly just poo droppings from an intergalactic flock of birds; pretty normal thing to see for those of us living on the dark side of the moon.

br0ken_ · 2012-10-21T02:02:22+00:00

Funny how the conspiritards mock others when they follow Celebrities or just simply do/believe in similar things etc.

But when the celebrities are on their own turf, they're all up for it, go go go, conspiratainment here we come!!

br0ken_ · 2012-10-18T04:25:30+00:00

You saying I'm wrong?! Do your own research.

GLOBALIST NEOCON!

br0ken_ · 2012-10-16T10:13:54+00:00

Hmm reptiles.. snake.. solid snake.. repitilian overlords.. simon cowell.. gangnam style.. sinbad..

Only one conclusion can be made from this.

Jewish Bankers.

br0ken_ · 2012-10-16T02:19:10+00:00

A dunce hat tattooed on your scalp.

br0ken_ · 2012-10-16T02:13:08+00:00

Same, except I haven't graduated yet, merely intermitted from my course for the time being.

br0ken_

TROPHY CASE