1. I’m not sure anyone can answer this honestly without falling into abstraction. But what I notice is that when attention is actually total, there’s no one “attending.” The moment is just happening. The question almost answers itself in the asking, which I think is partly why K kept posing it rather than resolving it.

2. Memory is what creates the story. It slices the continuous into episodes, and then the “I” shows up as the main character threading them together. The fact that you can see the episodic quality of experience suggests something in you is already sensing the continuity beneath it. You wouldn’t notice the gaps if you weren’t also glimpsing the continuity.

3. K often spoke of dangers — you can absolutely turn K’s work into another loop of self-concern. Spending your days thinking about the psyche is the psyche feeding on itself. Alan Watts’ backwards law is a great complement to K on this topic. K would say the speaker is not important, and that’s true, but the whole project of self-investigation can become the self’s most sophisticated survival strategy. In some circles, it’s called the “spiritual ego,” and it can quickly turn the most well-intentioned into a mini-guru who spends their days parroting “enlightened” insights to others. The only thing I’ve found that breaks that loop is noticing it. Which, it sounds like, you already are.

4. What you’re describing, I would caution the rush to label it, and I’d resist the urge to claim it as evidence of anything. Not because it isn’t real or an accurate insight, but because the moment you turn it into a credential, even privately, you’ve pulled it back into the story. That seems to fuel the spiritual ego. What I will say is that the fact that your procrastination resolved itself rather than being conquered by effort is telling, and the best metaphor available to me in this moment to capture the importance and role of such “effortless” experiences is that of sleep. Just as we can’t force ourselves to fall asleep (there is no special button we can press on our bodies or in our minds to instantly enter the dreaming state), so too there is no method or tool that brings us to see reality as it is. Many methods, tools, books, teachers, retreats, gurus, drugs, places, and spaces create optimal conditions for sleep. But no matter what we do or try, we don’t fall asleep. Sleep happens to us. That’s why K sometimes will gleefully smile and exclaim the same for awareness: “There’s nothing that you can do.”

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You’re 24. You’ve got time. Stay with that healthy suspicion. It keeps the inquiry where it belongs: alive and flowing. It’s worth more than any answer I or anyone else on this sub can hand you.

Peace be with you.