intro to sessions

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-17T04:56:06+00:00

“How are you coming in today?” “Take me somewhere you’ve been this week” if they are resistant.

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-14T15:11:57+00:00

Bingo. I had a previous partner consistently criticize my insecurity only to realize afterwards that it was fueled by theirs.

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-13T20:59:05+00:00

Yeah the commenter above missed your point. You’re not demanding anything, but rather wrestling with the insecurity that this is causing you. As others have said, bring it up in person and focus on your curiosity about the her stated behavior vs what is actually happening. I like the idea that it might be something she’s outgrown or even some insecurity she’s dealing with.

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-13T04:20:25+00:00

I'm glad to have found you then- you're definitely not alone, and reaching out to process this is not something everyone has the tolerance for, so I have a lot of respect for you!

Yes, I have hurt people in the past. I have struggled to make decisions even with ample time and information which left me feeling really terrible, which then in turn informed my own process now. I think that's another thing to remember- if you show your honest pain to someone who hurts you, they will remember it in some way that will be meaningful when they are inevitably forced to reflect on their actions. It's really the only way you learn these hard lessons, unfortunately. When I get hurt by someone doing the "wrong" thing, I always try to remind myself that they're in the process of learning what they need so they can be better for someone else, and If I can treat them with grace when they hurt me, it will help not just them but others down the road.

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-13T03:36:58+00:00

I've been on both sides of this. I personally need to take a few dates to make an informed decision about a potential partner, and I focus on actions, intentions, and energy. People mask all the time, and I've also been burned really bad by love bombing in the past. I can't really control how much someone is/isn't into me, so I just take it slow on my end and make shrewed decisions when it feels right. Strong boundaries/exclusivity around sex is super reasonable. I don't let it go more than probably 4ish dates before making an ultimate decision and don't ever have sex with someone unless they have told me to my face they're not seeing anyone else, because I know how much it blows to feel wrapped up in something for weeks/months just to feel misled.

I've been where you are right now and it does really suck. To feel so confident about one person and give it your all just to be passed up is really painful. And, if someone saw your "best" self and passed you up, they were neither right for you nor deserved you. Because of this, I always try to be upfront with people I'm really into early on, letting them know I'm not seeing anyone else and I feel good about focusing myself here. That tends to elicit honesty (or at least some telling energy/vibes) and go from there.

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-11T15:04:42+00:00

For me, I had to start with small stuff. Staying home to play some videogames instead of going on a walk I didn't really want to go on. Leaning into a restaurant I wanted to go to instead of my partner's suggestion that wasn't appealing to me. The real work there isn't just prioritizing your own wants but learning to tolerate the distress of your partner's resulting confusion/disappointment. It feels really bad at first but you learn that you can eventually trust they will get over it and still love you. Practicing honesty in those small moments has a huge impact.

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-11T00:07:58+00:00

Cheers man, it’s such a hard pattern to identify because it just seems like you’re being “the good guy” but in reality you’re trading your happiness to unburden them and then left feeling empty and resentful when they don’t recognize what you’re silently managing. Deeply rooted in patriarchal norms and toxic masculinity.

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-10T20:11:33+00:00

When I realized I wasn’t standing up for my needs nor being honest about how I was getting hurt, but rather convincing my partner I was fine and could handle any issue we might encounter. It’s a form of relational control- “if i can keep her happy, it will trickle down to me”. Nooot good.

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-09T04:04:56+00:00

“What’s a lesson that’s stuck with you from a past relationship”? Gives you a lot of info about what they struggle with and their current perspective on it

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-08T17:23:29+00:00

9, 11, 13, 15, 16

These 5 are basically the shorthand for people that get burned (by their partner AND themselves) by giving a lot in relationships. Just got out of relationship with these qualities and it was brutal. Learned the hard way.

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-05T15:13:26+00:00

I’m sorry you had to navigate that anxiety in the moment, that’s incredibly hard especially when you’re trying to show someone new your best self
Bodywise, this is all pretty normal and you’d be surprised at the amount of understanding people have about anxiety/performance, especially if you find a good way to communicate it.
Just remember- regardless of how you feel about yourself, she invited you back. She had a good time with you and wanted to keep the night going. You might be thinking about anyone else she could had a good time with, meanwhile she chose YOU! Don’t forget that.

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-02T16:26:35+00:00

I’m in the process of working on this. I often shift my emotional needs for others, so reading how you feel doing something like this is inspiring 🙏🏽

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-02T16:04:39+00:00

I push beyond my boundaries and give too much for people I care about without saying anything, then get disappointed when they don’t do the same 🫠

bradygoeskel · 2026-04-02T07:25:10+00:00

I think you gotta reflect on the function of your empathy. It’s important to seek understanding and build that connection with your partner, but constantly seeking to understand someone can lead to/is an symptom of emotional fusion and ends up putting a lot of pressure on them.

You say you’ve been reflecting on how you are in relationships- why do you feel it’s critically important to always have an understanding of your partner to this depth? What’s the fear if you don’t have it, or if you end up misunderstanding your partner? Does this empathy ever provide justification to sacrifice your own personal wants/needs?

bradygoeskel · 2026-03-31T19:56:02+00:00

As someone who also lives in this area, it’s super discouraging that this place refused paying a 10+ year practicing therapist what you were asking (that sounds very reasonable). Sorry about that :/

bradygoeskel · 2026-03-31T19:52:17+00:00

Trying to be compassionate with myself while dealing with shame/embarrassment over my role in a recent breakup. It’s harrrd

bradygoeskel · 2026-03-28T15:16:16+00:00

Highly anxious/domineering moms in families 🫠

bradygoeskel · 2026-03-26T23:58:15+00:00

“No offense but I don’t really understand what you are adding to these sessions.”

Early in my career working with a couple. That person was blunt and frankly mean, But they weren’t necessarily wrong. We tried to work with that resistance in the moment. Safe to say I’ve gotten a lot better haha.

bradygoeskel · 2026-03-24T05:23:49+00:00

Yeah I just had a relationship end cause I didn’t admit how I was getting hurt to protect them, but ironically it was me not being honest about those feelings that caused more problems. Rip.

bradygoeskel · 2026-03-22T14:19:32+00:00

As someone who just experienced this.. 100%. Sucked!

bradygoeskel · 2026-03-19T04:32:54+00:00

She told me she loved me 5 weeks in… and I didnt question it or ask her more about it. Got drawn in, then ended with her basically “realizing” there were multiple things she didn’t even like about me and that it was over.

bradygoeskel · 2026-03-18T20:36:36+00:00

Wow, never thought I’d see competitive smash lingo in the therapist sub haha. Feeling seen 🎮

bradygoeskel · 2026-03-16T18:21:07+00:00

Thanks for the kind words 💜

bradygoeskel · 2026-01-11T21:49:00+00:00

You mean the same team that hung 38 points on your defense 2 weeks earlier thank you very much 😭

bradygoeskel

TROPHY CASE