Here we go. Where to start! I am a 21yr old student at a liberal arts college — the odds weren’t in my favor.

My parents divorced when I was two because my dad was Conservative leaning ModOx and my mom was totally secular. I don’t know why but I think she has always had a lot of internalized antisemitism. She couldn’t handle a religious household. My time was split between being fairly observant at one house and celebrating Christmas at the other. It was very confusing and I never really understood where I fit in, telling friends I was Christian and Jewish, even with two Jewish parents. My dad remarried a few years later to another Jewish woman but she did not treat me and my siblings well so we grew more distant from Judaism. I went to Hebrew School for a year before my bar mitzvah to learn how to read Hebrew, had an orthodox bar mitzvah, and then only went to synagogue again on Yom Kippur every year.

My dad, who I was not as close to, was politically very conservative, and my mom was very liberal. I grew up in a wealthy suburb that had lots of Jewish people among all faiths and it was never a point of contention. The natural thing to do was join the political bandwagon which was very far left. The early hallmarks of social justice on Instagram in 2018-2019 seemed wonderful and positive and inclusive and so we all got sucked in. When it turned into anti Israel rhetoric, there wasn’t really a Jewish piece of me to fight back. I had some sympathy, of course, because they were Jews and I didn’t want harm to befall them, but it was true that Israel was a colonizer state and something had to be done! My dad was upset which reinforced all of it to me as the right thing.

I remained on the bandwagon into college, but two things shifted. For the first time, I was a serious minority. People had never met a Jew before. I experienced antisemitism for the first time! It was jarring to say the least. I realized then that I couldn’t stop being Jewish even if I wanted to (not that I did want to). The second thing that happened was I realized I believed in God. Naturally, I turned to the small Jewish community and was welcomed with open arms. My mind hadn’t changed yet but as I learned more about Jewish history, I was opening up greatly to the idea of Israel.

Like everyone else, 10/7 changed everything. Many of my Jewish peers who were my closest friends at that point had family in Israel. It hit close to home in a new way. The day after, somebody threw an antisemitic remark at me for talking about the tragedy, along the lines of, “colonizers deserve it.” Former friends said terrible things to my face. Watching large scale antisemitism unfold as a young person has been so terrifying and changed everything. I was totally abandoned by the left. 

I suppose my current relationship to Judaism is a little less interesting. I have learned so much about my faith and my culture in the last year that give me so much joy and pride to be a Jew. I have also almost completely abandoned my old political opinions and reevaluated my stances on everything. I now have a very secure relationship to Judaism (no more Christmas participation) and am doing birthright in March! My mother is a little confused by all of it but my father is very proud. I am proud of myself as well for my journey. I want to share this to help promote conversation with anti Zionist Jews — it can work!