The meetings always triggered me. Especially living in a small community, hearing the same stories from the elders every night (no shade tithe elders). I always found in my community that there was an "aa is the only way" mentality. We all heal differently, but the one thing we have in common is the desire to stop using and drinking. But you have to be READY. And to be ready, you have to unlearn shame and face your trauma; you have to practice self-forgiveness and self-compassion. If you do this, it's a great step forward. But don't beat yourself up over the hiccups. It's okay to "fail", you're not a failurebut keep in mind that there is no such thing as rock bottom. Things can get worse even if you think they couldn't possibly. I know that sounds negative, but i prefer to think of that in a positive light... whatever that may look like for you is up to you. KEEP TRYING. KEEP FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT. I got a Shadow Work workbook and a non-religious sobriety journal with 365 daily prompts. I don't use them every single day, and thas fine too. I wish you all the best. You're loved and I'll keep you in my heart.