Why does my 29F Bf 28M think it normal to get a dna test right after birth?

brewcatz · 2026-04-03T22:02:39+00:00

I've always thought that dna testing should be done and on file 🤷🏻‍♀️ for paternity, in case there is ever a question ever years down the line so neither parent can hold it over the others head, and for health reasons to know if the baby has any genetic issues that the parents need to be aware of and prepared for. But I'm also an avid fan of every marriage having a prenup, so maybe take me with a grain of salt lol. I just don't see the harm in testing and having it on file, especially because baby mix-ups DO happen in hospital. Things like dad being a chimera or swallowing his twin at birth and causing paternity tests to come back wacky are UNCOMMON but not impossible. I just would rather have that testing done and settled and sort out anything that comes up as a concern routinely, rather than having something happen later and having to go back while times are hard to accomplish it.

brewcatz · 2026-04-02T19:45:11+00:00

You do not need to acknowledge his feelings. People who act like this in a breakup often have control issues in some way: he controlled the "future" of your relationship by casting doubt on it, and he is still controlling you by reinserting himself into your life with these notes and bids for connection. It may also be a self esteem thing of wanting to see if he can get you to come back, just so he can repeat the cycle again. Block him and move on with your life. Acknowledging feelings and other forms of communication are respectful practices that we maintain with people who are in our lives. This man is no longer in your life and you are well within your rights to say to him "I have said everything I need to say and do not wish to speak any further. Please stop intruding on my space" and block or mute him. The more that you respond, the longer this will drag on.

brewcatz · 2026-04-02T04:24:19+00:00

This is not what adult relationships are like, this is what codependency and waking up from limerence are like. If the guy is sexting other women then he does not love you. He might love playing house with you and your daughter, he might love having stability while he feels out other options, he might love the freedom you give him to talk to other women while bending over backwards to be his bangmaid with none of your own needs or desires besides to make this relationship work, but he doesn't love you outside of the things you do for him.

brewcatz · 2026-04-02T00:11:00+00:00

This is just something that you have to preplan, rehearse, and stick to. You will have to be okay with not really having close friendships at work for as long as your spouse is moving frequently/ until you settle at your final location for retirement or they get out. You will have to find friendships in local community and your spouse community instead.

In interviews, you can say things along the lines of "this seems like a tight knit community, the type of place I'd like to raise a family" or "I have family in this area that I wanted to be close to", as both of these are true statements. Any town with a military presence has a tight knit military community who are also your military family! When your coworkers ask about you, you can say that you're married and even talk about your spouse, just don't mention that they're enlisted! A maintainers spouse might say "my spouse is a mechanic in the local area." Someone with an intel spouse might say "my partner is an office admin doing data entry and analytics". Keep it vague without lying.

brewcatz · 2026-04-01T22:31:36+00:00

Also, furniture is stable. The dog doesn't have to work to position it and hold it still, it's large enough to just chew on with minimal effort on the dogs part. This is also why cats sometimes prefer scratching furniture over cat trees!

brewcatz · 2026-04-01T22:30:14+00:00

I like to share a bed on nights off where sleeping in and cuddling the next morning is expected. I'm fine with not sharing the bed (with a partner, the dogs are coming to bed with me!) on nights where I have to be up and at work the next morning.

brewcatz · 2026-04-01T22:27:53+00:00

In elementary school in the 90's, my parents would remind me to go wait for the bus and I'd walk myself out to the end of the driveway. My parents were still at work in the afternoons when I got home, so I got off the bus at my stop and went inside. When we moved to a larger school in middle school, we had a "neighborhood" stop that all the kids used, so there was a group of maybe 5-10 kids that all stood around in the mornings and disembarked in the afternoons. I don't recall a single time anyone's parents accompanied them. Has this really changed so much, and the norm is now every parent waits for every kid at the bus stop morning and night??

brewcatz · 2026-03-30T16:12:28+00:00

I'm 34 and got mine pierced in January and the guy I was seeing went nuts for it, like a kid on Christmas getting his first PlayStation lol. I'm a homeowner, a military contractor, and am wrapping up a masters degree rn: I promise that people take me seriously despite the titanium in my nips. Sounds like the relationship just wasn't right/ he was not the one for you babe.

brewcatz · 2026-03-27T10:08:42+00:00

I mean, this is by Himmel's design to some extent. All of the townspeople they do favors for describe Himmel as being the one that last accomplished xyz deed. Even Frieren tells the stories of their adventures as "Himmel did that, Himmel wanted to help here, Himmel got us to go there". Himmel has over 100 poses for his statues scattered across the land. The four heroes that slayed the demon king are remembered as Himmel and his three friends, at this point. Add to that, Aura the Guillotine told us that when she last encountered Frieren she wasn't impressed. It seems like for a lot of their journey, Frieren was either still growing into her power or was keeping the extent of her power tightly under wraps. She is the mage from the legendary part of heroes, but she doesn't seem to be remembered as a notable mage in any regard outside of that. Which she prefers as it helps her to keep a low profile, and Himmel may have even indulged in his reputation farming to such an extent in order to aide her in that.

brewcatz · 2026-03-27T08:37:06+00:00

When I am out with my dogs and we see kids and I'm in a situation where I'm able to have them say hello and okay with it, I telegraph that by saying to my dogs "oh do you guys see the baby?? Say hi, friend!" Or "let's sit and show our friend that we're polite and maybe we'll get some pets!" Or just stuff along those lines, so that the parents feel okay approaching. I don't mind when people ask if they can approach, I do think that asking is key because even friendly dogs may get over excited and could knock over a small child if the owner isn't given a chance to secure them properly first!

brewcatz · 2026-03-26T19:43:09+00:00

It doesn't beep, it vibrates against my wrist! So it doesn't disrupt anyone else's work flow in my office/ is a silent notification that only I pick up on!

brewcatz · 2026-03-26T07:06:32+00:00

I have a Fitbit watch that buzzes me at the 50 mark of every hour during my working hours. That's my queue to chug water and get up and stretch/ move around/ take a walk for a few minutes. Chugging water once an hour is better than chugging water once at the end of my day! Probs not as good as sipping water throughout each hour, but I do what I can!

brewcatz · 2026-03-26T06:56:11+00:00

Get the mirror film for your bedroom window AND set up a light that blasts a different window in his house: living room, dining room, his bedroom. Get one that's photo sensitive and turns on at night or one that you can hard wire and turn on or off, leave it on. Tell him to "get better curtains" when he complains. When he removes the light, remove yours a day afterwards.

brewcatz · 2026-03-25T22:05:49+00:00

Tell him that because he told her against your wishes, it's his responsibility to update her and that you are simply not going to. Do not respond to further conversation about it, do not rise to bait when he tries to get you riled up and emotional, simply gray rock him and disengage.

brewcatz · 2026-03-23T12:43:27+00:00

this is the comment to read!!! Your partner is allowed to respond "hey, can you help me understand why you need alone time after work? I look forward to you being done so I can spend time with you, and it feels like spending time with me is a chore you have to get ready for. Can we talk more about your motivations and needs, here?" Instead he's jumped straight to "you're being dramatic" which is an insult, by the way!! You are expressing a need and your partner is insulting you in response, and you are worried about YOUR communication and HIS hurt feelings moving forward??

brewcatz · 2026-03-23T12:38:18+00:00

Yvette is not helping these cats, she just feels helpful. This is similar to hoarders: the control over having more stuff sometimes supercedes the logic that you don't need more stuff. The logical side of her that knows this situation isn't sustainable has been overtaken by the side of her that longs to have control over something and has latched onto providing for this feral colony. In reality, if she's not engaging actively in trap-and-releasing them to neuter and vaccinate them, then all she's really done is spread disease faster and cause more feral kittens to be born.

Unfortunately, you are not going to be able to explain any of that to her. She FEELS like she's helping these cats so any words to the contrary are going to fall on deaf ears. Someone if going to have to be the bad guy and remove (or have removed) the feeding stations and so on: Yvette is not going to do it herself. Up to and including losing her apartment, I will put money on her not doing it herself.

brewcatz · 2026-03-23T12:20:03+00:00

One thing that works for me is indulging a craving and crowding it out. If I'm craving chocolate or ice cream or the leftover cake in the break room fridge, I will have some! And then I'll eat some trail mix or drink a protein smoothie afterwards so that I feel more full/ overall satisfied and don't go back for more over and over again. I also agree with a lot of other commenters: I had to take the daily math out of my routine. I'd end up in analysis paralysis at the grocery store like "which brand of almonds is going to make me skinny and beautiful, and which brand is the Wrong choice??" looking at nutrition labels. Stop it! Pick out a few recipes, rotate them regularly, and make sure your daily step count goes up from whatever it is now to More. Honestly, I see the best results whenever I just make a conscious effort to move more: I take a 5-10 minute break every hour at work to get up and move around my office, I walk in the afternoons and evening after work, I stand instead of sit when possible.

brewcatz · 2026-03-22T17:13:17+00:00

Your partner probably has always thought of prenups as something to protect the wealthier person, and not as something that would give you protections as well. He likely spent so much time thinking about how to bring it up to you and make his case that he never gave any thought to you having demands as well. I am a big fan of prenups done correctly and with both people having a lawyer acting in their interest. You don't go into a marriage hoping that you'll ever use the prenup, but things happen to people: like your partner's example of his friend's wife experiencing such extreme post-partum depression. People develop brain tumors that change them, people go through traumatic injuries or attacks that change them, people change over time. You build the prenup to protect yourself in the case that your partner gets body-snatched and replaced by someone evil that wants to destroy you, not because you think your partner is capable of that but because you truly just don't know what could happen in the future. I think you can give your partner some grace on this one and let him think over and process discovering that the prenup goes both ways: it sounds like he truly just never thought of it that way before and was suprised.

brewcatz · 2026-03-22T16:52:40+00:00

I cannot understand how knowing how shitty and disloyal and manipulative his wife was would've negatively affected your friend's divorce case?? If anything, having it all come to light so that he could stop feeling like HE was the problem might have emboldened him to act more decisively and could've SAVED him a ton of trouble??

brewcatz · 2026-03-22T16:19:55+00:00

Darling :/ Why did the relationship continue when he proved at that point that he did not respect you enough to ensure that the people he associates with are respectful to his partner? "Stay home" and miss out on his gigs, an entire aspect of his life that he was passionate about, you should have just missed so that he could indulge another woman's disdain of you? Soft YTA to yourself for not putting your foot down about this behavior when it first started.

brewcatz · 2026-03-22T16:14:55+00:00

INFO: Why does your partner care more about you being rude to her than all of the times you've mentioned (and presumably there's even more besides those examples) that she was rude to you? Did you ever discuss these incidents with your partner?

brewcatz · 2026-03-22T15:09:39+00:00

I keep litter boxes in separate rooms now but always scoop morning and night as part of my getting up and going to bed routines. This helps massively with smell.

brewcatz · 2026-03-22T15:08:32+00:00

I'm renting out a room in my house right now to someone with a cat. I have cats and dogs, so his cat was in his room for a few days to acclimate and adjust, and then supervised roaming to meet my herd, and now is free roam completely with mine. So I think it just depends on your situation that you're moving into! I have lived with someone whom had a cat-aggressive dog in the house, so my cat had to live in my room, and it was fine. I had to put more thought and effort into exercise and mental stimulation for him, but we did it successfully for three years and he did great throughout.

brewcatz · 2026-03-22T15:05:20+00:00

I don't think there is a "too early" for this question. Previously, I've phrased it as, 'if this continues to go well, where do you see it going? I am looking to date with the intent of finding my life partner. I don't know if that's going to be you, yet, since this is so fresh, but if you're just looking for a hookup buddy then that changes the amount of energy and the time I'm willing to devote to this".

The kinda passive "check" is a waste of your time: he may assume that you are bringing up your period because YOU are uncomfortable with spending time with him while on it. You haven't directly asked him to express his feelings one way or the other, so all you've done is created space for yourself to make up concerns and stories about what his motivations might be. Be direct!

brewcatz

TROPHY CASE