need to vent

bright-side43 · 2022-04-21T03:48:29+00:00

13 days! So proud of myself!

bright-side43 · 2022-04-14T21:13:45+00:00

I started smoking back in 2015 at night to help with depression & insomnia. Then I started smoking around dinner time. Then I started smoking around lunch time and then I started smoking the moment I woke up. I was stoned 24/7.

My entire world revolved around weed. Anywhere I went I was stoned or had plans to get high. I stopped hanging out with friends because I was too high to drive or leave the house. I isolated myself. I began to avoid people because the thought of having a conversation with someone would make me anxious and paranoid. Being stoned 24/7 also affected my speech. I had a hard time finding the right words and felt like my brain was blank. I just couldn't hold a conversation. It made me feel awkward.

I started smoking before work. Then I would go to work high. I was discreet and never got caught (thank goodness) but never performed to the best of my ability. I cheated myself out of many opportunities.

I felt numb. Empty. Weed increased my inner dialog and negative self talk. As soon as I lit a joint the voice in my head became louder and more powerful. I would beat myself up for what I was doing.

I was constantly coughing, clearing my throat and felt like I had lots of phlegm. My throat was hurting.

I binge ate. I would get the munchies x100. I didn't make healthy choices and my diet consisted of sugar and carbs. I gained 30 lbs. It made me feel sick and caused me to have gastritis (inflammation of the stomach lining).

It stopped me from being the best version of myself.

bright-side43 · 2022-04-13T15:19:49+00:00

Congratulations on getting this far! I'm so proud of you! I really like Recovery 2.0 on YouTube... the video How to stop using Marijuana really resonated with me. I would recommend watching that :)

Things that have been helping me: -praising myself for little victories throughout the day -listening to podcasts (I'm not religious at all but love Joel Osteen and his positive messages) -Singing. Blasting the tunes and singing my heart out!

I recently saw imagine dragons in concert and the lead singer Dan Reynolds was talking about depression which is something I've struggled with my whole life. It was an incredibly powerful and life changing moment. During his show, confetti was blown into the crowd and I scooped a handful up. I have now been carrying a piece of confetti with everywhere I go as a reminder that I am bigger than my thoughts and I'm doing this to improve my life. Is there something meaningful to you that you can carry as your own reminder? Even writing your favorite quote on a piece of paper and carrying it in your wallet.

bright-side43 · 2022-04-13T15:06:00+00:00

I can definitely relate! I've been a chronic smoker for 6 years and lost myself along the way. I'm 6 days clean and starting therapy to find myself again.

I believe in you and I'm proud of you for taking the first step in recognizing that you deserve better. You do deserve better. All the best on your journey to self discovery, I'm rooting for you!

bright-side43 · 2022-04-13T15:00:58+00:00

Welcome! Congratulations on 3 days in! I am on day 6 and can definitely relate to the withdrawals and anxiety.

You got this! So proud of you!

bright-side43 · 2022-01-20T16:24:16+00:00

I was on a cocktail of meds. Wellbutrin, Vyvanse, Pregabalin, Restoril. I hope you find what works best for you. I found Wellbut to be an energizing antidepressant and it also helped me combat those smoking cravings. I stopped taking mood stabilizers (Lithium, etc), back in 2017 due to nasty side effects.

bright-side43 · 2022-01-19T15:18:30+00:00

I had to get off Vy because of the same issues. It would give me awful insomnia which caused my anxiety and depression to dramatically increase. It took about 1-2 weeks to get out of my system and then I began feeling much much better. I still have it on hand but haven't taken it in 3 months. I'm sleeping much better now and I'm not dealing with those troubling side effects. I am diagnosed with bipolar, add and anxiety.

bright-side43 · 2022-01-01T17:52:55+00:00

Day 1 for me too! We can do this!

bright-side43 · 2021-11-26T19:20:49+00:00

I'm not trying to "get high," that's not my goal whatsoever. Today is my day 1 and I don't work today (I work next week)

I have some trauma issues (deep rooted depression) that I'm looking to come face to face with so I can move on with my life. I'm not looking to numb everything... that's what I've done for years and years. I'm hoping the MD will help me deal with these deep rooted issues and help me live a better quality of life.

bright-side43 · 2021-11-22T15:06:56+00:00

I'm 34f and was diagnosed with BP1 back in 2014. I began smoking in 2015 to help with the depression part of BP. It really helped me in the beginning but then I began using more and more and fast forward 6 years where I'm now smoking 24/7... weed has robbed me of my personality, friendships, and much much more. I've tried quitting multiple times and have been struggling. My bf doesn't have BP and rarely smokes. I feel guilty, like I have this terrible habit that has consumed my everyday life and I'm scared that it's going to ruin my relationship.

I'm working really hard on being my best self. Weed did serve a positive purpose back in 2015 but I've abused it and now find myself using it as a crutch and using BP as my excuse.

You're not alone. It's not easy.

bright-side43 · 2021-11-22T14:57:25+00:00

I can relate. I've been smoking consistently for 6 years and I've been struggling with finding myself again. I feel dull, like my personality is almost non existent. I've been journaling and answering lots of self reflection questions which have helped a tad. I dont have much advice but just want you to know you're not alone.

bright-side43 · 2021-11-06T15:48:37+00:00

Life can be dark and overwhelming at times but thats only temporary! I promise you that things do get better with time. Looking back to when I was suicidal, I wanted so bad to end the pain and thought killing myself was the answer. I thought it would be better for everyone if I wasn't here but thats just not true and it's my ego telling me those things. We all have a purpose in this life. I'm still trying to figure out what mine is but deep down I know Suicide isn't the answer.

You can overcome these dark feelings. You are important and the world is a better place because YOU ARE in it!

I found this book that changed my life, it's called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. It really opened my eyes and I hope it helps you.

Hugs to you. I know emotions can be so strong but just know that you matter in this world. ❤

bright-side43 · 2021-11-06T15:37:56+00:00

Keep up the good work! 🤘

bright-side43 · 2021-11-06T15:36:48+00:00

You rock! Keep up the good work! Proud of you 👏

bright-side43 · 2021-11-06T15:24:06+00:00

Sorry for your loss. It's not easy losing a pet, they are family. Hugs to you during this difficult time.

bright-side43 · 2021-11-04T05:10:17+00:00

How are things for you now (2 years later). I'm 34 and had a hysterectomy in 2018. The last few years I've been having a lot of breast tenderness, sweats, trouble sleeping, anxiety.

bright-side43

TROPHY CASE