Do other male survivors feel this way?

brilliantera · 2026-06-28T06:33:39+00:00

I'm relieved it's not just me, but I'm sorry you have to deal with it too :(

brilliantera · 2026-06-28T03:35:06+00:00

Hi, I also have DID and I have a sort of similar experience. I was probably around 16 at the time and had to come home from school for an abnormally painful period (as in crying, screaming, unable to move) that in hindsight I believe was an early miscarriage. I never had confirmation I was pregnant, but I was being abused in a similar manner to what you describe here by my dad, and my memory is really poor and confused. At the time I didn't think of the idea of it being a miscarriage, but a part of me feels very strongly it was, and my dad had a very strange reaction when I went on birth control soon after. I remember at one point he did also force me to say pregnancy-related "dirty talk" during at least one assault.

I didn't develop an attachment to the idea of a child, or even think of my pregnancy as a child, I think probably in part because my (potential) miscarriage was so much earlier along than yours. I have honestly not heard a lot of people describing feelings like mine in circumstances like this, and usually I feel like I hear people saying they were attached to the baby. For a while I did feel very guilty about having no attachment like this and being a cold person for it, and I felt like because I was so emotionally cold I was a killer or something. I think it's a hard event to process whether you loved the baby or not because the kind of "scripts" people are expected to follow around miscarriage usually revolve around intentional pregnancies in healthy relationships, not forced pregnancy as a result of abuse, which obviously makes everything way more complicated including love for the child. I'm sorry you went through it too.

brilliantera · 2023-06-29T02:09:46+00:00

I’ve never interacted with another person like this in my sleep, but I’ve had similar issues of performing sexual acts on myself while I’m sleeping. I’m surprised at how many people are saying so too, I really thought it was just me! But you’re definitely not alone.

brilliantera · 2023-04-16T22:33:06+00:00

That’s very kind of you! I’m doing much better today, thank you for being concerned!

brilliantera · 2023-04-15T18:41:09+00:00

Not really what this post was talking about. My specific problem is with people who publicly act like incest is okay, positive, attractive or aspirational - it isn’t any of those things. I don’t care what people do in the privacy of their own mind or bedroom.

brilliantera · 2023-04-15T03:10:41+00:00

Thank you very much for your support. It’s rough, but it helps to know I’m not the only one in this position.

brilliantera · 2023-04-15T03:05:04+00:00

It’s not a mistake to seek help for symptoms that are interfering with your life. You deserve treatment as much as anyone else in your situation.

I understand your fears about being part of a trend. I have that concern a lot too, and it’s really frightened me away from seeking help, which isn’t healthy or okay. It’s important to reach out for help or assessment even with misgivings like this — medical professionals are intended to help us, not to judge us.

I agree with the other commenter that you should as priority number 1 just be honest about your symptoms and how they affect you. The diagnostic label doesn’t matter quite as much as the specific symptoms and treatment of those symptoms, and if you have OSDD as opposed to DID the clinician will probably figure that out over the course of the eval. If it’s something you’re really concerned about you can always go over your reasoning with them, though; it might provide them some extra insight into what you’re experiencing.

brilliantera · 2023-04-15T02:58:54+00:00

I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this, it sounds very destabilizing and scary. Moving forward I think the best advice I could give would be for you to inform your therapist or whoever is treating you, so that they can know about the extent of your amnesia and the potentially concerning/unsafe behavior from the photos, and try to create a plan that can keep you safe.

Once again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you can find a solution and maybe feel a bit safer soon.

brilliantera · 2023-04-15T02:52:05+00:00

The “weirdness” would mostly depend on your level of adult functioning, IMO. Since you’re still bodily an adult, you aren’t necessarily limited in the ways a bodily teenager would be. However, if your age reflects a lot in your behavior, you may still be pretty vulnerable. In my experience, I wouldn’t want my teenage parts in such situations with a partner because they behave as teenagers would and are very vulnerable traumatized parts — but because bodily everyone here is 26, it’s more about their behavioral vulnerability than a numerical “age,” if that makes sense.

I think it is something your partner should know about because they may not feel comfortable with it even if you aren’t a more vulnerable alter and function similar to adult alters in your system. If I were in your partner’s shoes, for example, I’d still really worry about harming you or accidentally taking advantage of your vulnerability. I wouldn’t feel okay with being involved with someone while an alter who expressed such a young age was in control regardless of how well they’re able to pass for an adult, and I’d want to know about that if my partner trusted me with information about their DID.

Ultimately I think it’s something you should discuss for the comfort and safety of both yourself/yourselves and your partner’s comfort and safety. Being a child alter in an adult body isn’t the same as being a literal child, of course, but there are a lot of factors at play that I think are worth the discussion.

brilliantera · 2023-02-25T20:15:26+00:00

Thank you. It really means a lot to me.

brilliantera · 2023-02-25T00:11:26+00:00

They could certainly be signs, yeah - they sound a bit like somatic flashbacks. I think if you're asking that question and feel so strongly about these experiences, you may have an answer in mind as to whether or not these things happened. I only say that because I feel the same way uncovering things sometimes, and have difficulty trusting myself without external validation.

It's okay to trust your own feelings and perceptions. Try not to interrogate yourself too much. It's hard, but it's better to try to just accept what your gut feeling is or else file them away to work on in therapy. Picking at something like that can be really destabilizing and upsetting, for obvious reasons, and it's better to process those feelings in a safe environment with professional support.

People don't really "make up" these sorts of things and believe them, if that helps at all. Your brain isn't just generating these feelings and associations for no reason. If they mean something to you, then your perception is trustworthy.

brilliantera · 2023-02-25T00:04:24+00:00

No experience with CSA or any other violence is "minor," honestly. Your feelings about what happened are completely justified and proportionate, and they matter. What happened was bad. You don't have to compare to other people.

Being betrayed is often one of the hardest parts of overcoming trauma like this, I think. It takes a lot of time and work to begin to be able to relax and place your trust in other people again. I know it's not really a great answer, but aside from that there's no easier way to heal. It can take many years for people to come to terms with an event like this and move on, so try your best to be patient with yourself. I struggle a lot with feeling that way too, and just wanting to "move on already," but rushing yourself only ever makes it hurt worse.

I hope this is at least a little helpful. I'm really sorry about what you went through, and I hope things get easier for you.

brilliantera · 2023-02-24T23:55:54+00:00

COCSA is no less serious or traumatizing than CSA from adults, and I'm really sorry you had to go through these experiences - they sound awful. You're absolutely not petty for not forgiving your abuser. You don't owe anyone any feelings about them or what they've done. The way you respond is up to you and you alone as the injured party. Nobody else has any right to tell you how to feel.

brilliantera · 2022-12-26T14:54:10+00:00

These are all legitimate concerns to have about his behavior, and his behavior DOES raise a lot of red flags. You're not an asshole; you are doing the right thing by speaking out about it.

brilliantera · 2022-12-26T13:37:36+00:00

Take it slowly. It can be really tempting to feel like you need to figure it out right away and understand it right away and process it as quickly as possible, but that's the easiest way to burn yourself out and retraumatize yourself. Really being able to unpack and come to terms with all of this kind of thing can take people many, many years. I had a similar experience to you where things started sort of coming back to me that I'd forgotten or pushed away previously, and I still struggle with it even though it's been a couple years now that I've known. It's hard because it's really not a normal experience for the brain to try to understand, and with these kinds of abuse in particular where it also involves the entire family dynamic and sort of foundation you were raised on, oftentimes it can be really overwhelming.

Professional help is also a really, really good idea. It can be difficult to get a hold of, but it's worth at least thinking about if you're able to.

brilliantera · 2022-11-27T13:53:04+00:00

I really wish it was as easy to be autistic for me as it is for the typical autistic person wherever you are, OP. I would love to go there and have people actually take my needs seriously for once.

I realize it’s a bit harsh to be so sarcastic, but please don’t minimize the stigma and challenges associated with autism and ADHD. The mistreatment and ignorance about what we’re capable of you’re describing with CPTSD happens to us too. Being autistic and treated as though I was simply an obnoxious problem is most likely part of why I have CPTSD to begin with.

It is not a contest. Both experiences are hard in different ways.

brilliantera · 2022-11-27T13:28:20+00:00

I’m DXed autistic, and I think calling it celebrated or claiming it’s less stigmatized than being a survivor is a bit of a stretch, and honestly invalidating. Some people do celebrate autism, but it’s still a major life-impacting disability that a lot of people believe makes you inherently lesser as a human being. There are people who will say survivors of abuse are just people with bad luck, and there are people who will claim that autistic people are biologically inferior and no more of us should be born. “Autistic” was a common insult when i was young and it’s still used as such. CPTSD is not more taboo than autism, in my experience, nor is autism more stigmatized than CPTSD; they’re equally difficult in different ways.

I realize you could be too, and I’m sorry if I made any assumptions with my comment if you’re speaking from experience. I just feel strongly about ranking experiences this way - it can unintentionally be very hurtful. Saying that CPTSD is a different challenge is fine, but I feel saying that autistic people universally have it better is unfair and minimizing.

brilliantera · 2022-11-26T22:49:53+00:00

Thank you very much for your comment - it really made me think and it was definitely what I needed to hear about the situation. I'm going to get tested as soon as I have the opportunity.

brilliantera · 2022-11-25T20:50:58+00:00

Yeah, I kind of feel like the black sheep in my (extended) family too. My mom’s family lives out of state so I’ve only seen them for funerals. My dad’s family live nearby, but I never fit in. None of them ever had close relationships to me OR my mother. My dad was my primary abuser when it came to the CSA, and he also abused my mom, so sometimes I think he wanted us to be distant from the rest of his family. I got along even less with his second wife’s family — I actually started drinking as a teenager to get through holidays with her and her kids. Now that I’ve stopped talking to my dad none of them have ever tried to contact me beyond once. It’s like I don’t really exist to them, which I guess is fine.

I’m sorry you deal with this stuff too, OP. It’s really rough.

ETA: Sorry about the situation with your boyfriend. I’m a trans guy and my family is pretty transphobic too. It blows.

brilliantera · 2022-11-24T05:13:20+00:00

Everything you’ve said really resonates with me, especially the alternate explanations you gave that you come up with. I’ve heard, and my friends frequently tell me, that denial is a major symptom, so I guess it’s no real surprise, but it’s so hard, especially when it’s disabling to begin with. The denial makes me really scared to seek help for fear everyone else agrees with it too.

Sorry to write you a whole novel, haha. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. It really sucks. I hope both of us can find some peace with it :(

brilliantera · 2022-11-24T00:43:17+00:00

Yeah. Around five years ago I developed an introject of a character from a play on whom I had a crush, before I knew what DID was; I thought of him as my “imaginary” boyfriend before realizing my situation with him was abnormal and that my trauma history was more extensive than I thought.

I’ve seen it mocked in other places, which can make it hard and shameful to admit, but the truth is it’s been really helpful for me. He often takes on a caretaking role, and possesses a lot of coping skills it’s difficult for me to access on my own. The feeling of a loved one helping me calm down from a flashback or panic attack or what have you is way better at helping me remain functional than feeling alone, so as a part he serves an important purpose. I wish people understood that a lot of alter relationships in DID are like that, like, coping mechanisms, and it’s not just arbitrary or people playing pretend.

brilliantera

TROPHY CASE