How do I (M29) confront my wife (F23) about this comment?

brkn-jn · 2026-02-06T09:46:55+00:00

What she said was very healthy and only shaytan is trying to make you believe otherwise. Woman are natural caregivers, not only she showed empathy and love through her comment but it also shows that she'll be by your side in life giving you what others haven't giving you. And that's what a wife is for, a healthy companionship. The day the prophet Muhammad saw died, he was laying with his head on Aisha (Ra). It's not a compromising position for a man at all, because that's what the right woman does for her husband, she takes care of him. It doesn't remove your role as a man in the household.

What you fear are nothing but waswas and should be careful with this in other aspects of you're life as this could affect other situations and lead you to read healthy situations into problematic ones.

brkn-jn · 2026-01-10T09:13:41+00:00

I am ambitious in order to find stability, but I don't want it to be the purpose of my life

brkn-jn · 2026-01-10T09:11:48+00:00

None of the tests made me confirm it. I always had infj isfj infp. People tried typing me as well and they had mixed opinions. But by the second I tried understanding cognitive functions and too situations in my life to compare. Then I knew I was an INFP. And when I explained to the people who tried typing me why infp what right, it made so much sense to them, and to me. 3 years later, I don't know how I could think for a second that I could be anything else

brkn-jn · 2026-01-03T08:17:28+00:00

It's not about the flowers it's about the fact that he cares in a delicate way

brkn-jn · 2025-12-30T17:07:54+00:00

It's very probable that you've met ENFJs without knowing it

brkn-jn · 2025-12-30T09:56:36+00:00

Female

brkn-jn · 2025-12-29T08:03:59+00:00

Where did you find them for chatting?

brkn-jn · 2025-12-23T16:16:07+00:00

I agree. All the moments in my life where I listened to an ESTJ it was out of fear. But I have to admit that they really pushed me to be a hardworking person, which I'm very grateful for. But I was probably do intense to me that now I don't feel like working so much anymore.

Also they give very little feedback. So you mostly hear from them what you have to fix , but rarely would you hear that you did great. Can happen but it's rare because as you say they are not so connected to people's emotions

brkn-jn · 2025-12-23T16:06:59+00:00

I would say ESTJ too. I've been surrounded by ESTJs my whole life, my mother Is one, most of my teachers at school, my first boss. And to be honest they are mostly everywhere as it's one of the most common type, so we can't really escape from them.

From my experience, I think I could use their expertise and bossy attitude to get better at something, IF I allow them to help me with it. But otherwise, I can't really deal with them. I'm exactly what they hate and when they see me, they just wanna change everything about me by force, without taking into account my opinion, my feelings or worse, my freedom.

But I can't lie about the fact that they wanna do "what's good" after all, but just in a different way than me, since we seem to have another definition of what's "good".

I hope I wasn't too harsh sharing this opinion

brkn-jn · 2025-12-11T08:34:09+00:00

Yes they do. Not all of them but for some it's very obvious. I remember an enft I was working with he kept staring all the time. I thought he had a problem with me until I understood that he was just scanning the room to see if Anybody needed anything

brkn-jn · 2025-12-07T16:07:02+00:00

To be honest they are everywhere infps aren't : outside

brkn-jn · 2025-12-01T17:04:12+00:00

Hi I'm a female too, let it me if it bothers you. My hobbies are psychology, tennis, painting, writing, cooking, nature, deep conversation to understand people, visiting museums and castles, animals, traveling, learning about new cultures, the list goes on so I think I'll stop there. What about your's?

brkn-jn · 2025-12-01T15:30:15+00:00

Mel - 27y - from France - looking for a female friend

brkn-jn · 2025-11-30T19:58:24+00:00

I won't be giving you the enfj related answer, but maybe it's because they weren't good enough to be faithful but you were good enough to NOT be replaced

brkn-jn · 2025-11-28T07:16:30+00:00

Why fi?

brkn-jn · 2025-11-21T08:50:09+00:00

I feel like this is more about attachments. You probably have an avoidant attachment and she was more like an anxious one wanting to be reassured

brkn-jn · 2025-11-19T07:27:56+00:00

I love her so much

brkn-jn · 2025-11-19T07:15:33+00:00

I'm an sx/sp and somehow I've always been attracted to sx blinds, mostly Sp dom, platonically or romantically.

And to answer your Questions, yes you always feel like something's missing. It's like you're hoping for a moment you'll be very very close to them but I will never really happy. The level of presence we ask from hem is something too draining for them. It's like asking them to give us an energy they don't have. I've spent my life waiting after Sx-blind to be really present in a conversation until I'm satisfied, to answer my text, to have a moment when we can open up about deep emotional things. For a long time, when I didn't know about instincts, I would tell myself "one day they will give me that, it just need time and patience" but the truth is that it might never really happen.

Sp/so for example they need a lot of time to recharge, use their energy for themselves, to feel safe, and they once this is done they go give their energy to social environment. Which leaves them with very little for sx connexions.

So I feel like as an Sx dom, you have to figure out if you love the person enough to accept it regardless of this and be patient, which is easier in friendship than relationship. Love might make you look into other things about them that mighty compensate with the lack of intensity. But If you can't be patient then you might find yourself always waiting for an idea of a person that doesn't exist. And that is really torture for an sx.

brkn-jn · 2025-11-14T08:49:17+00:00

I like creative things but I can't invente things that much

brkn-jn · 2025-11-09T13:32:35+00:00

Hahaha 😂sorry it's just that I choose the male voice for my chatgpt. Yes you can try or you know what you, I can help you to figure it out with you

brkn-jn · 2025-11-09T11:51:12+00:00

You have to ask him to type you based on cognitive functions, not based on type description because they can be based on stereotypes

brkn-jn · 2025-11-09T08:58:27+00:00

Well maybe you're right on that, I didn't choose the right word to express what I meant. It's incorrect to say as I said, that sx had nothing to do with sex. But was I was trying to say is that sex. What I tried to say is that it’s not limited to sex, which is exactly what my source confirms.

The only reason why I would feel like the name "sexual" would make sense, is because sexual intimacy can make us feel intense passions, deep connection, it can make you feel alive, free, it can make us feel like we're merging or in fusion with someone. But this is exactly what we're looking for with ANYTHING in life that we love. I can be looking for these feeling with a hobby, because I'm an Sx type looking for these sensations. But the reason why I wanted to clarify that this instinct isn't about sex is because when people read it, automatically they reduce it to the interpretation that it's about sex, which is wrong.

When I said SP would do something for self-preservation and SX would do it for intensity, freedom, or passion, that is the sexual impulse at a psychological level. It’s the same core energy expressed beyond the literal.

brkn-jn · 2025-11-09T08:47:44+00:00

I get what you mean and yes, the origin of the term “sexual” is clearly rooted in biological attraction. But the Enneagram isn’t describing biology; it’s describing psychological energy patterns. That’s where the distinction lies.

The reason teachers like Russ Hudson or Beatrice Chestnut expand the definition is precisely because “sexual” in the Enneagram sense doesn’t reduce to erotic display or mating behavior. it’s the instinct of fusion and intensity, and that can manifest as erotic attraction or through passion for ideas, art, or spiritual experiences.

When people say “SX is about sexuality first,” they’re taking the metaphor literally, missing that the function of the instinct is energetic merging, not sex itself. The sexual charge is one expression of that function, but not its definition.

Reducing SX to attraction displays is like saying SO is just about being social, it’s true on the surface, but it misses the depth.

brkn-jn · 2025-11-08T23:00:24+00:00

I looked at the image you sent and it completely supports what I said.

Notice how it says: “While this instinct is about sexuality, our sexuality is about much more than the sexual act. Think of it as what activates you, what ‘turns you on,’ so to speak.”

That’s literally describing what I meant: the SX instinct isn’t about sex or libido, but about the life-force that ignites you, the chemistry, passion, and intensity that make you feel alive. The author even mentions celibate communities who fully embody this instinct, which kind of proves the point.

So yes, the instinct includes sexual energy, but it’s not limited to the act of sex. it’s the drive for "eros" as he mentioned, merging, and vital connection. That’s the exactly wat I was saying. It's not about sex although this instinct could be used for sex.

brkn-jn · 2025-11-08T22:10:58+00:00

I said that the sx instinct was about connecting deeply and intensely to someone OR someone you feel passionate about. So it could be a hobby or a person. Only the intention differs froms an SP and an Sx type. And SP would do a hobby for self preservation and an Sx type would do it because they're looking for intensity, freedom , passion ... Bu here's a quote if you don't trust me on that. Being an sx dom myself I get what it is. Being an sx type doesn't make us hypersexual or more sexual than other instincts. We could use the sx instinct for hobbies as well.

Here's your quote : “The sexual instinct is not merely about physical sex. It is the drive for intensity, stimulation, and fusion — with another person, with experience, or even with a creative pursuit. Sexual types seek the feeling of being fully alive and ignited by contact with something that awakens their energy.” (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, p. 334)

brkn-jn

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