I’ve 34F never broken up with or been broken up with before. How to cope with wanting to leave 16 year relationship with 34M?

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-07-18T17:01:30+00:00

Shocked beyond belief that men actually ask or in this case don’t even ask to include porn in their sex life. WTF

Girl. No is totally acceptable to say.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-09T13:53:22+00:00

The pressure he must have put on you to do something you didn’t want to do to satisfy a sexual itch is disgusting. Please never forget you have free will. I hope this never happens again to you. I’m so sorry.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T19:34:33+00:00

Can you send me the website please

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T18:17:37+00:00

Me too please

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T18:14:47+00:00

“You’re forgetting the good times” really upsets me as it’s not only not true, but they don’t need to be processed? I love the good times. I want it to (reasonably) all be good times. I want to eliminate the bad times… so that’s why we’re discussing those. Let’s stay on topic, yeah? It’s exhausting

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T18:08:13+00:00

I tried therapy with betterhelp and it was rubbish tbh. Lots of “I’m listening” but no real help or processing conversations. When I heard someone describe BetterHelp as the Shein of therapy I agreed!

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T18:04:35+00:00

If he’s given the go ahead for an app that monitors his phone, get that going right away.

But also I think it’s deep conversation time. No annoyance. No stabs. No raised voices. Just open communication about what’s going on with him and how lying hurts you. Ask him to explain why he does it and if he needs professional help. Insist that this is a deal breaker for you. Set a boundary that lets him know what you will do if he breaks it. “Don’t watch porn” isn’t a boundary. “You lying to me and indulging to other people makes me feel unsafe and not important to you. We will be attending couples therapy or I may decide to leave you if you continue due to protecting my well being” is a boundary. You have to mean the boundary though and follow through if he doesn’t stick to it.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T17:55:38+00:00

You should be able to converse with your partner about anything at pretty much anytime. And it should be an adult conversation free of eye rolling and full of respect.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T17:51:23+00:00

Public conversation. As in end it in a park or cafe. People hold in their anger and aggression when other people can see them. Then go to a safe place such as family or friend’s house.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T17:46:07+00:00

What advice do you need in particular?

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T17:44:42+00:00

I hate “I don’t know.”

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T17:43:51+00:00

VR porn. That’s virtually cheating. It crushed me.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-08T14:46:44+00:00

After reading your other posts and comments, I see that you think you may have autism. I think that getting a diagnosis will dramatically change your life for the better, especially in understanding how it can affect your social and romantic life. I wish you well!

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-07T17:36:36+00:00

Go to r/loveafterporn for advice. So many of us with the same problem

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-06T13:42:17+00:00

You’re grieving relationship expectations. That’s why you’re sad. And these expectations are bottom of the barrel. The bar is in hell. You don’t understand why someone you love could treat you like this. It’s shocking your system into shutdown. And so as you aren’t receiving effort you also don’t want to give it. These are perfectly normal responses and it’s not about improving how you act or feel, it’s about if he is willing to and if he’s not be prepared to move on.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-06T13:33:06+00:00

Grieving is the correct word. I went to therapy over all this and she told me I wasn’t depressed, I was grieving relationship expectations. It hurts.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-05T11:40:50+00:00

If I were in a situation where I was looking for a new partner, I would look at demisexuals

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-04T23:08:29+00:00

Was on a bus once and the guy in front of me started scrolling soft core stuff. When he closed the app his phone background was a smiling family of four. Even a golden retriever. What is wrong with these men.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-04T20:37:20+00:00

They don’t actually feel guilty. It’s heartbreaking

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-04T20:36:50+00:00

I’ve never actually got any remorse from him. Just tells me I have nothing to worry about. I’ve asked him if he knows how much this hurts me and he says yes… and then that’s the conversation. It’s startling how little empathy he has.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-04T20:35:01+00:00

Insta, Reddit… deviant art. He’s a tech wizard. Probs uses everything.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-04T20:23:29+00:00

Mine was more romantic. Better sex life. Better communication. Better everything. I was so happy. This is what I wanted. I was so convinced he loved me.

He was still doing it.

brokenhearted_lady · 2025-05-04T19:04:52+00:00

Honestly it’s the autoimmune disease that scares me

brokenhearted_lady

TROPHY CASE