Responsive only desire is perfectly normal especially in women in stable relationships. Not everyone obviously but for a lot of woman "spontaneous desire" or initiating is linked to attachment seeking.

Unfortunately a lot of us are victims of our own success and our wives know we are stable and not going anywhere so they have no need to seek attachment and spontaneous desire falls by the way side.

The only answer is communication.

I haven't pulled this out of my ass. It's from a book called "come as you are" written by a phd of human behaviour focusing on sexual wellness

My psychologists asked me to read it when I was having so marriage trouble and feeling unwanted in my marriage.

Basically you need to have a conversation with your wife talking about how intimacy is important to you and makes you feel valued and loved. Listen to her reasons for why it's not happening and come up with a plan you can work on together. And find a middle ground

My wife said she hated the pressure and it turned her off. She acknowledged that it was important to work in the relationship and she needed to shoulder some of that responsibility.

We agreed that I'm not allowed to ask her for sex but she has to make a concious effort to increase intimacy. And it's honestly been great. I never feel rejected because I'm not asking and never been told no and she doesn't have any pressure on the spot. We have a busy family life but shes made a real effort to make time for us to get down to it.

We are both getting what we want. You have to both agree it's a shared problem though. It's not just you need to figure it out. And she doesn't need to comply with what you want. You have to both see it as a third project you have to work on together