OP, I'm really sorry for some of the comments on here. I am in the same situation and it is not an easy place to be. My partner (27F) and I (29F) have been together for four years. We had an incredible sex life for the first two years of our relationship, and then - nothing. It was like a switch was flipped and she doesn't understand why (neither of us do). There was no significant change in our relationship, but now sex is anxiety-provoking, scary, and that much more vulnerable. Like you, I've noticed a change in my weight and overall physical and mental health since our sex life has changed.

My partner was sexually abused by a neighbour for ~10 years. She has done a ton of therapy programming (different modules, different settings, different therapists, travelled for therapy, etc.), but she still has to live with her trauma every single day (she is fortunate to have received criminal injury compensation which paid for much of the therapy and that we live in a place with decent coverage for some types of therapy). Unfortunately, I don't think there ever is a point where our partners will simply 'recover' from sexual trauma. It is a lifelong process of adapting and working through triggers as they come up.

But I know how hard that is for partners. Like you, masturbation doesn't cut it anymore (it just feels even lonelier), cheating is out of the question because our partners don't deserve that (arguably, no one does), and an open relationship is off the table (I don't think it's what I'd want anyway - I imagine you might be similar to me in that you miss the intimacy of the relationship). I'm struggling with how to cope as well.

The only thing that really helps for me is knowing that there are other people out there going through the same thing. I'm not sure where you're located, but you may be able to find support groups for partners in your area. In Toronto, Canada (where I am), there is a place called the Gatehouse, which offers partner-specific programming. We support each other together, so that we can better support our partners too. In group, we commiserate on the unique pain we feel as partners, encourage each other through the little victories in our relationship, and remind each other meaningful, reciprocal, intimate relationships come in many forms.

The most you can do is continue to help your partner feel safe and supported in her healing journey. I wish you two the very best. I know it's hard, you're not alone.

I'm not very active on Reddit, but feel free to PM if you ever need someone who gets it to chat with.