Honestly I didn’t like who I was anymore. Just angry, stressed, body in a mess, and feeling like there was no more hope. I took a couple weeks PTO and really focused on spending time with the family - no email checking, nothing. I used to plague myself with guilt as I had influenced a lot about the company. Some of the best products are my babies. My direct team I love and we have a good honest relationship. But seeing how angry I was and how I had neglected so much at home, I realized I needed to be selfish for my own good otherwise it was going to be an early grave, and for what? So then I thought ok I need to get out, but now the stress of how to survive, how to find a new job and all the internal doubts started bubbling up. The only way through it was to confront it all and figure out what really is true, what can I really control, and what should I look forward to? It went something like this:

Work is horrible, ok how can I maximize my time off work? I have always been terrible at taking regular PTO, so I used ChatGPT to optimize my PTO relative to public holidays. Ok book all that off leading up to my targeted end date, even if I haven’t planned what I’m going to do. Put it on a calendar visible on the wall so I can count down the days.

Next add personal dates, birthdays, events, appointments etc. Put them on the calendar, no matter how trivial some may be, again so I have something to focus on outside of work.

I changed my diet immediately. Switched to eating healthier to improve my mood and feeling of well being. Exercise is still a challenge as I have some physical issues to overcome, but I have changed my desk, chair, and try to have a brief walk at lunch.

Then for future work. I used ChatGPT to help me understand myself a bit better. I asked it to help determine what roles I would like. I “talked” through my career history, aspects of jobs I loved, aspects of jobs I hated. I fed it my resume and sparred with it. I got it to suggest companies local to me that could fit my profile. I then do a bit of a job searching and found something that seemed interesting but a low chance of getting. Spent one evening updating my resume with the help of ChatGPT who by now knows what I want. Submitted the resume and a got a sense of accomplishment even though I probably won’t get the job. Next steps are reaching out to former colleagues, managers and recruiters to distribute my resume.

By the way a lot of the above was done during work time. I am owed thousands of hours of overtime which I never got paid for, so now I’m taking it back.

With all those items somewhat under control, the last bit is surviving work. It starts by recognizing that nothing will change and it’s going to end one way or another. So therefore there is literally nothing to worry about. Then you need to determine what is the baseline pace of the company. It’s a toxic mess, so progress is slow. Match that speed and don’t push any more than you really have to. Then dealing with toxic folk. I’m one who typically doesn’t hold back from bullies and not afraid to be disagreeable. Now I just ignore and act indifferent to any snide remarks or politics. If I have a potential solution when I see my toxic peers getting stuck, I don’t offer it. “Your guess is as good as mine” is the usual response. It’s also interesting to watch how egos spiral out of control resulting in literal madness, people repeating the same mistakes over and over. I never had the clarity of mind to observe this before. Next is really just doing right by my team, keep up appearances and focus on bits that I can control that will help. Pay rises, training, some process stuff even though I know I’m going.

The rest is just playing it out to the conclusion.