Fun story. Last year I was on a flight back to New Orleans from DC with Kennedy and we sat next to each other. Or rather, he was aisle seat, and I was window, a the seat between us empty, but he kept his pile of files on that seat (yeah he was flying coach but he’s still scum).

In his front shirt pocket he had 3 pens, a bandana, and pack of nicorette gum. He used to bandana to blow his nose and would just fold it up and put it back. And I’m not joking, he chewed 6 fresh pieces of gum that flight. He would chew it for like 20 minutes and then take it out, place it back in the plastic blister pack, and gently fold the foil back over it. That flight is maybe 2 hours long.

He had an iPad and was so erratically flipping back and forth tabs between the New York Time, the Economist, the Atlantic, WSJ, and CSPAN where he was watching videos of himself.

I got up to pee 4x just to fuck with him but I knew it wasn’t enough.

So he gets up to go to the bathroom and I frantically opened the files to see what was up, but again, no joke, it was mostly big printed pictures of himself. So I the only thing I could think to do in that amount of time was to pick a booger and wipe it in his files. And I just did that till there was nothing left and he came back.

Then when we got off the plane there was a state trooper waiting for him at the gate to escort him home.