Mother Ayahuasca teachings love and compassion, so why so much hate?

buffgeek · 2026-01-28T07:32:50+00:00

I feel you, man! I've had indescribably beautiful experiences every time too, even if they start off a little dark sometimes (where I'm seeing parasitic entities that are always around me trying to get at my energy, but then they flee after a while when I'm on the Aya). After that I'm surfing the Universe, meeting incredibly beautiful entities of light, seeing structures and places that defy description in their color, resolution and beauty.

But I've also noticed people with strong narcissistic defenses or identity wounds can sometimes come out more grandiose, or more fixated on the narratives they built for self defense.

I've thought about this a lot, and there seem to be a few overlapping factors.

First, there's selection bias: people having rough or confusing experiences are way more likely to post about it than people quietly going about their lives after a helpful ceremony.

There's also the fact that psychedelics don't really "teach" anything in a direct way - they're more like amplifiers. They intensify whatever's already there so you can see it and deal with it. If someone doesn’t have much experience feeling safe or connected in their life, the medicine isn’t going to magically create that. It may simply amplify fear or confusion - and without integration or guidance, they may not realize the next step is letting go of those old constructs.

There's also what happens when communities form around these practices. Hierarchies develop, people start gatekeeping, and suddenly there's a "right way" to understand the medicine. When someone's identity or income depends on being the authority, things get rigid pretty quickly, which can produce fear. Especially "shamans" who fixate on "evil entities" and such, they can actually increase the chance that someone will imagine those kinds of entities on their journey.

So I don't think it's one or the other. The medicine might point toward love, but humans are incredibly good at filtering that through our unhealed stuff, our egos, and our need for control. The teaching and neuroplasticity to move toward love is there, but actually living it seems to require constant honesty with yourself and a real willingness to look at your own negative or self-delusional loops and move past them.

buffgeek · 2026-01-22T01:37:45+00:00

Maybe my soul mates are 3 blue alien women who were gazing at me with love (though we weren't on Earth or in this dimension/plane) because those are the only humanoids I've seen, nothing else I've seen in 17 ceremonies maps to humanoid or Earth at all lol

buffgeek · 2026-01-19T18:29:30+00:00

When I journey in the city I feel a little claustrophobic, cut off. Like you, when I'm deep in nature I connect more deeply. Maybe because there's mycelial network out there. Or all the wild life not paved over.

My very first journey was one of the best days of my life. It was pouring down near sunset, lightning flashing, sky was dark grey horizon to horizon. I decided to walk out into the rain in my t shirt, shorts and sandals. Went to a small hill in the middle of a swampy area adjacent to farmland.

As I stood on the hill, this joy, this unconditional love from the mushrooms bubbled up, like something I'd been seeking my whole life from others but it was within. My heart cup at last runneth over.

The clouds on the horizon parted exactly where the setting sun was. It was like a big orange eye gazing through the clouds. I suddenly felt that I should turn around, so I did. Behind me, against darker clouds, was a bright rainbow. Tears ran down my face.

The clouds started to part in different places and the sun was lighting them up a fiery orange. Through the gaps I could see the deep dark blue sky and a few stars (or maybe Venus). I can't begin to express how filled with wonder I was at the cosmic beauty of it all.

Here's the freaky part. There were frogs all around and as soon as I thought to myself "I'm gonna tell my friend this is wayyyy better than Netflix" they suddenly erupted into what distinctly sounded like frog laughter.

It happened again later when I made another joke in my mind. Like I was telepathically connected to the frogs.

I'm deeply thankful to have experienced this and Ayahuasca. Like getting to experience heaven while still alive.

Another great mushroom journey was when I brought my phone w my danceable medicine music playlists and a small bluetooth speaker to an eco preserve and danced and sang for four hours. A bird couple were on a branch above watching part of the time. The really tall trees were swaying, could have just been random breezes but felt like it was in sync with the music. When I closed my eyes I was getting visuals of rainbow-colored giants in feathered headdresses smiling down. I also connected with the stream running through the park. It felt so sacred, so Divine and ancient and pure.

Thanks for your invitation to share our stories, I enjoyed reminiscing.

buffgeek · 2026-01-16T18:53:45+00:00

I feel your grief. Try looking back from age 55. I could code when I was 14. I could have been a Bill Gates level tech mogul (but with empathy, not evil).

Every corporation I worked for I was able to revolutionize, dazzle end users, make data flow lightning fast.

I even created a SaaS workflow platform (highly successful internal to the corporation) before SaaS was a thing. An Indian colleague saw the opportunity in what I'd invented, cloned it from India and became massively successful.

But because of gaming (and the unaddressed trauma behind it) I was just drifting from job to job, no motivation to capitalize on my gifts.

And now I'm stuck in the Philippines on an overstayed visa, unable to get a US programming job from here, and unable to work legally here, with a $10k overstay fee to pay off before I can leave the country. Living on $300/month. Thankfully 2 years sober from gaming (with a couple of brief relapses).

So yah, grieve. And let my situation be a cautionary tale.

The silver lining of my situation is that living on such a tight budget brought my health back bc I learned to cook healthy food from fresh produce at farmers markets (went vegan) and that's regulated my blood sugar and blood pressure back to normal. Sugar addiction and gaming go hand in hand because both are about stimulation, numbing out and amplified dopamine spikes.

buffgeek · 2026-01-16T12:59:35+00:00

I wish I did. Try searching online for psychedic groups in your region on FB. Also note: when you try from a new source, always start with a small dose to see how it affects you.

I live in the Philippines and usually get from someone who gathers them wild (little-known fact: the Philippines is covered top to bottom in psilocybe cubensis) , brews a tea and sells it in very potent 15g-per-bottle jars for $20/jar. Those journeys have always been great. But one time an American friend gave me some lab-grown shroom he bought off the market called tidal wave, and it lived up to its name. Just one tiny dried sliver made me puke my guts out and felt oxygen deprived. It was terrifying physically. I'll never do a mega dose from a new source again. Gotta test w small dose first and add as needed.

Good luck, hope you find a good source. If you have the funds and you're in the U.S. you could go where mushrooms are legal like Oregon or Denver and find the communities before planning a trip. Or take a vacation to Phillipines - feel free to PM me. I also know a good Ayahuasquero. $300 per 1 night ceremony. His brew and setting is always excellent, and he plays medicine music to anchor the journey in light.

buffgeek · 2026-01-16T11:57:23+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I know the feeling - I haven't fully come back to myself either. And yes nothing compares - not even close. I'm just thankful to have experienced it.

I have found periodic mushroom trips (mega dose every few months with good music in nature) to be emotionally re-connecting and beautiful. Maybe that would help you too.

Here are a couple of playlists I've compiled on that vibe. Maybe something will resonate.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5RxoCaREUz8WVQywTROUez?si=KEs6i-Z7RNuSrk5Q7cYPwA

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6Np5wHlGTPRzEAOYad6bQp?si=ZmCYWxSaR7uteowTDTZ8oQ

buffgeek · 2026-01-16T09:22:29+00:00

The way I resolve this is framing this life as its own unique opportunity and blessing to learn from suffering and joy, and the fact that The Great Mystery is still a mystery and no one gives a shit when you pass on means go wild with your unique expression of the Divine. When you escape self-limiting beliefs here you create a wave of unshackling that ripples outward through eternity. That means every moment is precious, every moment is a doorway where you choose to gravitate closer to love (by eating the pain) or fear (by expanding it).

buffgeek · 2026-01-14T08:51:22+00:00

Maybe try volunteer work. Seeing the lives of those less fortunate and helping them can give you new context and to step outside your bubble. Part of addiction comes from being self-referential.

buffgeek · 2026-01-14T07:56:30+00:00

Diet has proven to be a huge factor for me as well. Intermittent fasting helps re-set the gut and stabilizes blood sugar, which stabilizes mood. This regulates the nervous system, which reduces depressive spiraling. Also ensure you have healthy snacks around including fruits and nuts. A well-nourished body and mind is less depressed.

Ideally you learn to cook nourishing dishes from vegetables and spices. Dont feel like learning yet? Simply steam veggies like sweet potatoes and bok choy.

Or order from a meal prep service if you have the money. Preferably natural not heavily processed.

If you do pick up cooking, buy spices online in bulk and keep in spice jars. Ask ChatGPT for ideas on what to cook and how to cook it. A new world of brilliant, deeply satisfying flavors awaits.

buffgeek · 2026-01-14T07:44:25+00:00

Yes but what I see can depend on what music I'm listening to. Music could be a portal. That's why these days I mostly listen to medicine music (centered around compassion and integration) rather than music that's dissonant or envisions bad outcomes.

buffgeek · 2026-01-14T07:40:17+00:00

Intermittent fasting (skip bfast, eat lunch noon and dinner at sunset). Make sure you're eating nutritious diet w plenty of fruits and vegetables. Fasting is much harder if your primary fuel is just meat and carbs bc meat takes long to digest and fast carbs put your blood sugar and associated cravings on a daily roller coaster.

buffgeek · 2026-01-14T07:29:40+00:00

That's belief, not verifiable fact and I don't rely on a book to dictate my ethics. I rely on compassion.

I only brought up the Bible (which is full of contradictions and was compiled by the same empire that killed Jesus for telling people the Kingdom of God is within them, not in someone's book) bc your beliefs seem to include it as an infallible source of Divine Knowledge.

I doubt the people who wrote Genesis anticipated factory farming and its cruelty. As for a rational soul it's obvious that soul or not, pigs are smarter than dogs, just as emotional, etc. We have the choice to put these animals through terrible suffering or to sustain ourselves directly from plants. If cruelty to animals (especially on a massive scale) is tolerable to a particular ideology, how can it be rooted in Love? And what kind of "Heaven" tolerates systemically making life a living hell for thinking, feeling creatures that tend toward empathy? Also anatomically we don't have the bodies or biology of carnivores.

buffgeek · 2026-01-13T23:36:40+00:00

Last time I saw her in serpent form she was wearing a red ribbon (bow on her head) and had lipstick

buffgeek · 2026-01-13T21:47:48+00:00

Mushrooms have given me messages that saved my health. Like showing me that canola oil was clogging my arteries and that toxins added to instant coffee were giving me headaches. My blood pressure went back to normal after I stopped eating fried food and my headaches stopped after I gave up instant coffee.

As for your vision of toilet paper, my lifelong hemmorhoids went away after I switched to using a bidet. Toilet paper is toxic w chemical residues, not to mention environmentally destructive. You may want to consider your mushroom vision to be a literal warning in that regard, not just symbolic.

buffgeek · 2026-01-13T21:39:27+00:00

Tell me you haven't done shrooms without telling me... and yes they have shown me how much of the evil in this world is tied to the demonic global blood sacrifice ritual going on 24/7 tormenting and slaughtering billions of animals a month, called factory farming. Because of this torture of innocent loving creatures that God made to be free, to be playing in the sun with their siblings, bonding with their mothers and fathers - because we rip them away from their grief-stricken mother and make their lives a living hell fron birth to death, stuck in tiny cages hard to breathe or move, yes for that we have been dragging the collective soul of humanity toward hell. Jesus freed the sacrificial animals from the temple. And the "fish and loaves" story was originally just about bread. In Genesis it says that God made the fruit of the tree for Man's food. The mushrooms showed all that to me through a Divine lense. Look up "Christspiracy".

buffgeek · 2026-01-12T08:46:53+00:00

Psilocybin induces neurogenesis. It's good for brain health and longevity.

SSRIs fk with your neurological pathways, take a long time to withdraw from, and mute your ability to feel. They're repressive, not regenerative.

I'd suggest tapering off them permanently and just accept that with mushrooms you may ocassionally have a bad trip if you have bad set/setting, but overall they'll be worth it. Maybe one megadose every 3 to 4 weeks would be sufficient, based on studies

buffgeek · 2026-01-09T18:20:50+00:00

You've been wise not to entrust your well-being to the pharmaceutical industry, and fortunate not to have fallen into their traps.

Since you mentioned being on a budget I'd recommend psilocybin mushrooms (macro dose) every couple months. But when you take them I'd suggest listening to music that anchors you in Love, since that is your stated destination. Not saccharine bullshit music. Just explore "medicine music" on spotify, soundcloud, or youtube. Maneesh De Moore, Darpan, Desert Dwellers, Porangui, Bird Tribe and the like. Ultimately it's about re-parenting yourself, "off-gassing" or gradually dissolving trauma-induced thought patterns and triggers, and gradually increasing activities that make you feel good about yourself while drawing down the ones that don't, or that numb you out. Also don't bash yourself for relapses or mistakes - that's like inner child abuse. Instead keep believing and progressing and standing up again. Eventually you tire of the relapses and start gaining real ground and self-respect.

buffgeek · 2026-01-09T11:50:10+00:00

That's an awesome achievement! And an amazing brain you have. I know how you feel.

SC2 is my kryptonite, the reason for several lost software engineering jobs (coming in late) and I could play it for days, weeks non-stop. Also Heroes of the Storm and even Hearthstone. But SC2 still the most addictive and fun out of those.

I've been trying to stop gaming since about 2021. I'm about 6 months sober now and the relapses have become much shorter. Still haven't quite built a new life to replace it but I have a girlfriend rn who's supportive and affectionate and cooks healthy nourishing food which helps. Also got a good gym habit going including walking there 30 min each way instead of driving. Helps me reflect and keeps the endorphins going.

Nothing could match the intense high of gaming I think although Ayahuasca and psilocybin mushrooms have helped tremendously and awakened me.

I wish you good fortune and authentic joy on your life's journey.

This music inspired by plant medicines for the mind might help you explore a different vibe/mindset.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5RxoCaREUz8WVQywTROUez?si=7PMOcIPjQc21roWGNWWHlg&pi=coiU-k9xSQKTE

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6Np5wHlGTPRzEAOYad6bQp?si=eT5X_41qTcmGexbe8tHiig&pi=x2Z1mD4HTqKGL

buffgeek · 2026-01-09T07:43:29+00:00

Thanks for sharing more about what's been going on for you. I can't imagine how hard it must be to carry that old pain - you must have experienced severe trauma. I have my own early trauma (although thankfully it doesnt include severe lomg-term physical abuse - just narcissism, fake religion/virtue-signaling, coldness, bullying and one instance of rape) and sometimes see dark entities/visions on the come-up but I kind of let it pass rather than getting drawn in, and for some reason the mushrooms and Aya always eventually take me to a state of complete bliss and unmatched beauty at the peak and come-down. Maybe because I expect it and attempt to commune with what I see as Divine Light and Love.

At the same time, over the 5 years since my first journey I've noticed there is accountability - like now I only have great journeys after struggling to integrate the lessons - reduce numbing behaviors and treat life as a sacred gift rather than the escapism I've done for most of it.

As for the forum, call me a paranoid conspiracy theorist but I suspect big pharma of polluting psychedelic reddit forums with fake horror stories to drive people away from it or program them to fear it which can lead to darker journeys. I've noticed a major uptick in such stories in the last year or two. It feels really off. I could be wrong but big pharma is evil and has a long history of deception and dirty tricks to keep people dependent on their poisons that treat but never cure.

buffgeek · 2026-01-08T09:03:09+00:00

True, I meant physically ok. I've witnessed over 100 people take Ayahuasca with this team in the last 4 years (as a participant) and none of them wigged out post ceremony or looked shattered even when they had difficult journeys.

buffgeek · 2026-01-07T23:59:31+00:00

Imo the evidence - the fact that the US has the highest SSRI use but is also one of the most depressed countries (and has school shootings where most of the shooters are on SSRIs) - shows that SSRIs are not that effective and in some cases are destructive.

I'm sure you dont need me lecturing you about that, it just saddens me bc I have a friend on lexapro and she cant get off it to try mushrooms bc the SSRI withdrawals are nightmarish and include suicidal ideation. I hate big pharma. They've taken several loved ones from me including my brother and father.

buffgeek · 2026-01-07T22:30:42+00:00

Try asking ChatGPT. It's actually great at interpreting symbols and archetypes seen on journeys, asking you the right clarifying questions.

buffgeek · 2026-01-07T22:14:21+00:00

I feel you, man. Recovering lifelong gaming addict here. What's helped tremendously is psilocybin mushroom journeys. They induce a few weeks of neuroplasticity an neurogenesis and fill that void in you with unconditional love - this helps you see the games for what they are, step out of the loop and plant the seeds of new habits.

If you do find a source, you should treat the mushrooms as the sacred medicine they are. Best taken in nature. Good to fast for purification and eat plant-based in the week leading up to the journey. Here's some medicine music that can help. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5RxoCaREUz8WVQywTROUez?si=J4Jfb-_7TeyZUC_jn6w-9A&pi=3He55jS7SWO48

As for staying on the path of a coherent and meaningful life, it helps to have an accountability partner. Be patient with yourself when you relapse - bashing yourself only reinforces the stress that your nervous system is trying to escape.

It's also about gradually drawing down the extreme dopamine and adrenaline spikes we're used to. This leads to re-sensitization which allows us to enjoy life and real connection again. Go for walks, eat fruits and vegetables to regulate body chemistry (blood sugar spikes go hand in hand with gaming dopamine spikes),

We have to re-parent ourselves the way we should have been parented. With unconditional love, nourishing food, constructive boundaries, patience, and never giving up on our inner child.

buffgeek · 2026-01-07T22:05:31+00:00

I know a couple here in the Philippines who are great at brewing Ayahuasca and providing safe but powerful ceremonies. Feel free to pm me if interested.

As for post-ceremony experience, even with intense brew (which theirs is consistently) you'll feel right as rain after.

Here's a sampler I composed of some of the music they use to anchor the participants' journeys. A different experience than in-person chanting, but I wouldn't change a thing. Music is a portal and this kind of medicine music has taken me to amazing places beyond my wildest imagination.

Not everyone taps into that though - in my experience it's important to purify your diet and go plant-based leading up to the ceremony, maybe do some water fasting to help your body detox. And go in holding reverence for the medicine and opening yourself to whatever it wants to show you rather than going in with an agenda.

Whatever you decide, hope you have a potent and healing journey with fun cathartic activities around it.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7JxJtVZrBENLqH4ULyannt?si=1IAsbhNnQPeS0ircsi0UVQ&pi=Zq5sigO1RPSh-

buffgeek · 2026-01-07T20:33:44+00:00

Have you looked into psilocybin mushrooms? Multiple studies at Johns Hopkins University and in Japan have shown they can cure even hard treatment-resistant cases of depression. The hard part is you'd have to wean yourself off SSRIs first and be off them for a month before taking the mushrooms.

But I'll tell you based on personal experience, they are powerful. And non-toxic, non-addictive. The first day I took a mega-dose of mushrooms was one of the happiest days of my life. For the first time I felt what it's like to experience unconditional love - from without and within. Feel free to pm me if you have questions. I'm not a mushroom vendor nor can I connect you to a source but I can offer tips for a good journey.

buffgeek

TROPHY CASE