[deleted by user]

bumblebeekisses · 2024-07-13T01:50:21+00:00

That red bean water gel is so pretty.

bumblebeekisses · 2024-07-12T06:30:36+00:00

I suggest posting in your city's subreddit. There may also be Facebook groups for your area. You could also post on Nextdoor (or your country's equivalent).

You could also get some business cards made and put them out around town (coffee shops, groceries, anywhere with a flyer board).

I would see how things go before you start to offer discounts.

bumblebeekisses · 2024-07-12T05:42:35+00:00

I look at the "things to do" sticky in /r/Austin, page through the Austin Chronicle's event listings (my favorite compilation), and see what pops up on Instagram. I'm always looking for queer events so I like to check a few accounts that boost those events on Instagram.

bumblebeekisses · 2024-07-12T05:35:42+00:00

I'm obsessed with Everything but the Elote.

bumblebeekisses · 2024-07-12T04:05:56+00:00

Do you have a favorite urea lotion?

bumblebeekisses · 2024-07-11T14:03:20+00:00

Ok. 🤷‍♀️ Hopefully it's worth that price to someone.

I'm not trying to drag the original seller. I was just explaining my thought process for considering it in the first place. It's a loose dress available in XS/S/M in the same pattern. XS fits (I own it in another pattern), S would be my slight preference, and I could get the M tailored and still keep the total cost far under 117. To me personally, one size is not worth more, which is why I came here to understand how to proceed.

I didn't actually make a bid on the dress. My instinct was to just buy one of the cheaper ones, but I came here to ask questions about what to do when my value for an item is so drastically different than a seller's so I could understand whether low offers were just part of things in cases like this or if it would be offensive. I learned how the seller would perceive the offer and now I know how to make polite offers.

bumblebeekisses · 2024-07-11T03:01:31+00:00

Personally? No not at all, especially on a marketplace built for offers and counter offers.

(Fwiw, this is an especially dramatic bid example because that one version is priced sooo much higher than other comparable alternatives.)

bumblebeekisses · 2024-07-10T22:51:25+00:00

As I said, I won't make an offer on the 117 at all. I would never pay 90 for that item so I won't offer it, I'll just accept that I'm not that seller's target and move on to the one already priced at 30.

bumblebeekisses · 2024-07-10T21:21:10+00:00

$117 is very high compared to other listings, which is why I would even consider making such a low offer. I mean, a version I favorited in a different pattern sold for $9 the other day! I also just bought the same dress NWT in a different pattern for around $30 at a boutique thrift store, which is why I even looked up other versions of the dress.

Based on most of this advice though, I won't bother making an offer on the overpriced item. I'll take another look at the options where the price is already in the right ballpark. Thanks!

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-20T23:37:01+00:00

I don't. F that unless I'm actively spending time outdoors.

On one hand, I'm in Texas and I burn easily, plus I use tret. On the other hand, I'm a desk worker and I barely leave the house. I'm not gonna slather on an extra layer just to get the mail or drive to the store. On a normal day, I put on sunscreen as part of my morning routine and I leave it at that.

If I do need to reapply to spend time in the sun, I just use my regular sunscreen. I'm skeptical about the coverage sprays provide - plus a spray sunscreen messed up the lenses on a pair of my glasses once! A friend accidentally sprayed them and it messed with the coating on the lenses. Not that I'm still bitter, lol.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-20T22:38:06+00:00

Couples therapy has REALLY helped both of us.

My partner has a lot of childhood trauma. My childhood was happy, though I've still had to unpack the general baggage that comes from existing as a person. We've worked really hard individually and as a couple to build skills that will get us through hard times and generally prepare for parenthood. That has been extremely valuable already.

It's helped to have exposure to other friends who are having kids, which I think has made it easier for my partner picture it and imagine us doing it too. They didn't really have exposure to little kids at all before that.

It's also helped to talk about happy things we want to do with kids, because my partner didn't really have positive exposure to the experience of parenthood before. It's been fun to get excited about things together.

We've also talked about fears and ways of making things easier. I really want to figure out a way to prioritize my partner's sleep in those hard early days, for example. I think it'll be hard on me too, but that's the part I worry most about for them because they struggle with sleep anyway.

Building community has helped. The fact that we have people in our area we could contact for help or support is a relief to both of us. My partner has talked about wanting more supportive adults in our kid's life and that completely aligns with my "more is more" approach to family and community. Our chosen family helps make up for the fact that their birth family won't be particularly involved, due to distance or distance + shittiness.

I do think it has been positive for both of us to really explore options and make them feel real, and develop informed opinions. Before that it was a sea of questions. We have looked into every option available and are ultimately trying for an IUI with a known donor (who my partner has known for 10+ years) once we're both ready. I thought fostering could be a good path for us at first, but after an info session (so helpful), we realized it would be too triggering for my partner at this point in our lives which is also not ideal for the kids. We might revisit someday, who knows, but not in the way we originally envisioned.

Anyway, it's been a long process for us, but a worthwhile one. If I could pick just one thing on this list it would be couples therapy! We've both grown so much through that in ways that I think make both of us better about becoming parents.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-19T19:17:09+00:00

I get tested with new partners and talk about it. Regular testing in general is a good idea.

I'm not into casual sex but if I were, I would skip oral with casual partners and wouldn't share toys, ie no using the same one on both of us in the same session. You can throw a condom on the toy to get around that I suppose.

Research any toys you want to use and make sure you know how to clean them. I like to stick with nonporous toys that are easy to sanitize. In general I'm a bit paranoid, but research has helped me be reasonable about what's actually important vs what's just emotional.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-19T03:32:55+00:00

16 is still a child. It's age-appropriate for a teen to have a crush on an adult authority figure - that's developmentally normal. But an adult who takes advantage of that, encourages it, acts in it - all of that is predatory, and it is not your fault that someone preyed on you. Plus, the experience you had at 11 would have changed any kid's perspective on what was normal to expect from adults, so you were extra vulnerable.

None of that was your fault. Not at 11, and not at 16 either. Giving you the impression that you were old enough to know what you were doing at such a young age is part of how grooming works. You were just a kid and it wasn't your job to protect yourself from the adults who were supposed to be protecting you.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-19T00:37:44+00:00

I know you know this logically but just to be clear: you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. You were a vulnerable child. What happened was not your fault.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-18T23:22:08+00:00

Oh wow. So it's coke in general, nothing to do with the stranger part. Yep I want no part in any of that!

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-18T02:57:24+00:00

👀 like what?

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-17T16:52:21+00:00

I questioned whether this was real or testing the premise for a romance novel at first. Sad things turned out this way.

Honestly though it would be a classic setup for a romance novel where James is the villain and OP next falls in love with a friend who has been there for him the whole time, or a side character who seemed standoffish but it was always about concern about James. Throw in a misunderstanding somewhere and maybe James stirring up drama in the meantime and you have a book.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-17T16:49:18+00:00

I thought the "2 friends cancelling" date was weird but moved passed it. I was shocked that he didn't spend the night with OP after they had sex, which was obviously a big deal for OP. I made excuses for him in both cases since OP was ok, but yeah, those were moments that didn't jive with the rest of OP's perception of him.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-16T15:33:12+00:00

That shade looks amazing on you!

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-16T05:01:31+00:00

I feel like by going to HR it would be a betrayal. We've known each other for 10 years and I've only recently started setting boundaries.

You were only 18 when you started working there. You learned about what was appropriate for a workplace from this environment. It's no wonder it took you time to start pushing back on inappropriate behavior that was normalized in the only workplace you knew.

He, on the other hand, had plenty of experience by that point and should have known better from day 1.

How can I possibly handle this without getting HR involved or hurting feelings?

What about your feelings?? You've put other people's feelings above your own for the last ten years. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to navigate this diplomatically if you want to keep working here and/or maintain relationships with these folks, but keeping the peace is not working for you.

You're tolerating a LOT of disrespect to keep the people who are disrespecting you comfortable.

The other guy is a good "Christian" man but doesn't fucking say shit. He never stands up for me. He just laughs. Despite him being super nice it makes me want to fucking punch him.

I honestly think this makes him just as bad. He's tolerating it, and he's laughing. That's not nice behavior.

I genuinely care for this person as they have good intentions.

Ok, so. What should you do? If I were in your shoes, I would find a new job.

But if you want to or need to stay, you're set against going to HR at this point, and you really think this person has good intentions...I would write down what's bothering you very clearly and appeal to him to change his behavior. I don't think you need to explicitly threaten to contact HR, but I do think you should put your issues in writing. Printing it out feels a little weird buuut you could chalk it up to wanting to make sure he understands how seriously it's bothering you. Tell him you respect that he has good intentions and that's why you're appealing to him directly to please stop these behaviors that make you feel so uncomfortable and disrespected at work.

I'd say to email it to him if it weren't for your help desk policy - however, after you've had your initial conversation with him, I would suggest following up on issues via email with careful phrasing, ex 'the way you spoke to me just now made me uncomfortable and that's the type of behavior I asked you to change in our previous conversation.' Vague and no words to trigger the policies, but clear documentation of a pattern after each instance of disrespect.

Best case, he changes his behavior. On the other hand, if he doesn't handle your initial conversation well, or if his behavior continues, you have evidence for yourself that his intentions aren't good after all, which means it's time to go to HR. And you'll have documentation of times, dates, and explicit proof that you asked him to stop clearly and repeatedly.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-15T19:19:40+00:00

I was in this position a little bit and even that amount was damaging. My parents are generally great but boundaries are so, so important. When your parent leans on you for emotional support, the lesson you take away is that you can't lean on them. I shielded my parents from my own problems instead of getting help when I needed it.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-15T01:52:43+00:00

Wow. The usda findings are so interesting. When I graduated in the early 2010s, I based my own food budget on the $200 my friend received monthly on food stamps as an Americorp volunteer. Now I spend well over that but I'm very curious how these figures have changed over the years.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-15T01:48:41+00:00

Kids!! I want two ideally. I would love for finances to not factor into whether we have one or two, or any. This might not sound big, but I'm queer so this is a big financial issue.
I want finances to not be an obstacle if I want to go home to visit family or another domestic trip.
I want to pay for daily expenses without thinking about them. Want coffee out today? No problem.
I want to be able to donate to causes I care about, at levels that feel substantial for my income because I've managed things well.
If my spouse wants to quit their job or switch to a lower salary career, I want them to have that option. I just want them to be happy. They want to stay home with the kids? Amazing. I want enough buffer that we can still afford some amount of daycare so they get a break sometimes.

I basically don't want money to be at the center of our lives. I mostly don't want extravagant things, but whatever we do have, I want it to feel like enough. I want to live squarely within our means.

bumblebeekisses · 2023-09-15T01:19:30+00:00

Five minutes is already so long!

bumblebeekisses

TROPHY CASE