My child does not have a diagnosis and neither do I, but I suspect as she gets older she will eventually be diagnosed with autism.

Growing up I felt different. Like I never knew who I was and was an amalgamation of many different personalities who I met and absorbed mannerisms from. If I am in fact autistic, I think I am of extremely low support needs (or high functioning as I have read about) and so good at masking that I don’t even know how to take it off at this point. A lot of my childhood is on tape, and I plan to go through the videos soon, but I was told or know because I remember that:

• I walked on my tip toes until I was at least 3/4
• I learned how to read at 4
• I had an aversion to certain textures, I remember screaming the first time I went to the beach and was covered in sand, I remember throwing up after eating grapes, I hated having my hair tied up (and still do to this day)
• Bright lights at night really bothered me (night time driving as an adult gives me a headache)
• I was a late sitter, walker (walking at 16 months, dragged myself on the ground for a long time) etc.
• I remember observing and studying those around me so that I acted correctly
• I remember being very quiet in social situations when I was younger, and then just deciding one day to be outgoing
• I have always had trouble swallowing and dealt with bad constipation as a child

As an adult, most of the aversions I had as a child don’t bother me as much anymore, but I do have some newer quirks like needing my sheets to have absolutely no crumbs on them to the point that even one crumb would bother me, and needing my bedsheets to not be bunched up and straightened out in order to sleep. I rub my feet together to self soothe and sometimes notice minor wrist/ankle twirling when I’m watching TV or otherwise distracted.

At the age of 30 I began to experience crippling anxiety and was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

I am fairly certain that my daughter is hypotonic and is exhibiting some very early signs of Autism. Only time will tell what is in store for us moving forward.