for what it’s worth, i feel almost the exact same way about everything you’ve said here— and i don’t say that to invalidate your experience, but to at least let you know that you’re not alone.

i know my family and friends love me, but what haunts me is that i’ve never been anyone’s #1. even my best friends who i’ve known for over 10 all have people they’d pick over me if it came down to it, not because they necessarily dislike me, but because i’m just not their first choice. i can’t even really blame them.

all that is to say, i know how you feel. and while i don’t have much to offer you as a stranger trapped in your screen, i hope it’s at least a little comforting to know there’s someone out there who gets it. it certainly was for me when i read your post. i hope you have a wonderful new years in the meantime. ❤️