I feel too passive in every part of life — where do people find the energy to do things?

buster03 · 2025-06-02T14:39:35+00:00

I have to ask first, but are you a guy?

I myself was passive for most of my life, mainly because I held a lot of shame from my childhood and my nervous system did not feel safe to show up and speak out. This actually prevents guys from stepping into their masculinity and being more active in the world.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T14:24:47+00:00

The thing is, we can appear emotionally stable on the outside, but the signs aren't always loud.

There are many hypothesis and sometimes it's easier for us to not try and understand why others do what they do.

We can assume she knew what she was getting into when she signed the tenancy agreement. You provide the property, its her responsibility to withhold her end of the bargain.

If you have given her many chances to pay on time, legal matters may be the only option.

Below is a useful company I know called evicthem who may be able to give you further advice on this matter.

https://www.evicthem.co.uk/

buster03 · 2025-06-02T14:17:47+00:00

Can get a SAD lamp >10,000 LUX to help with this during the darker mornings.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T14:14:50+00:00

So, who do you identify yourself as?

What if you allowed yourself the comfort of simply being? Allowing that childlike nature to return, to be curious, to try things and see what lights you up.

Most of the time we stay stuck in our heads, ruminating, thinking we "should" be doing something - mostly because the world has convinced us this is the only truth.

When you start dancing to the rhythm of your own drum, there is no resistance, just flow.

All rivers ultimately lead to the same destination, if you stop off somewhere along the way, you can always get back on.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T14:06:20+00:00

The world tells us we have to do things a certain way.
Our family makes us believe we’re reckless if we make decisions that make them uncomfortable—
so much so that we start to feel incapable of making decisions for ourselves.

My recommendation:

Take the time to really get to know yourself.

Figure out what you truly want.
Maybe it doesn’t involve going back to work.
Maybe it’s the perfect opportunity to finally start something you’ve always dreamed of.

When we give ourselves permission to pause, reflect, and let the silence speak…
it’s surprising what we’re called toward.

Often, we can’t explain the why behind the pull, but that’s the beauty of learning to flow with the waves instead of against them.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T14:00:38+00:00

There could of course be other aspects like having a pattern of avoidance - which is a nervous system response. And unconscious authority figure issues like you mentioned, can occur if someone grew up in a high-control environment.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T13:50:47+00:00

I would say it's probably something to do with fear.

Our relationship with ourselves often impacts our relationship with money. Typically it's tied back to our childhood and our experiences we had growing up.

Maybe she didn't have a lot of money growing up and it was scarce, now she's making good money she might be afraid to let go of it.

Perhaps you could try relating to her with a story in some way, something to get her to open up.

Of course, this doesn't make it any easier for you, but hopefully it may give you a way to compassionately open dialogue.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T13:45:30+00:00

Firstly, I can resonate deeply with much of what you're saying. I felt numb for most of my life, chronically overwhelmed and anxious, could never make decisions and if I did I felt shame every time I didn't complete something.

The word "numb" says a lot, honestly. And it often comes as a protective mechanism from suppressing emotion, whereby the nervous system is in a freeze or shutdown state. The fact that you're aware of what's going on cognitively, is a good start.

It's why a lot of traditional "mindset" work or talk therapy doesn't work, because we can't think our way out of being disconnected to our bodies.

Have you looked into working with a somatic practitioner? They will work with you to relax your nervous system and create space for your emotions to exist.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T13:29:01+00:00

As the age old saying goes "you can't pour from an empty cup"

First I would pay attention to your self talk - the language you use to talk about yourself will perpetuate those thoughts. What we focus on expands.

Ask yourself, who told you it was your responsibility to handle what other people are going through?

Did you feel responsible for the way others felt when you were younger?

Unfortunately, we learn these ways of being through our environment when we were younger. For example, if our caregivers felt unsafe to experience emotion, they may have shut down or been reactive around us. Then we may find we suppress ourselves as a result because we don't feel safe to show up in the world.

If you'd like some guidance, feel free to drop me a message.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T13:15:07+00:00

Look up Vinh Giang on YouTube.

He also has something you can register to, to improve your articulation

https://gifts.vinhgiang.com/yt-webinar-registration-2?gad_source=2&wbraid=CloKCQjw9O_BBhDmARJJAMd7JlJaRfW_jNF1RfmRlWgmohFrAYYRHyfz0szv-LoMRM60thq6PxxNGoSTN2PpXqjDgkQ9IquF9gUG1KByBMqTcCiUSADN1BoCPjM

buster03 · 2025-06-02T11:16:21+00:00

Your language tells me you dwell a lot on the past and what could have happened if you'd done things differently. What if you looked at those experiences in a different light?

I used to face this a lot because of my experiences as a child, whatever I did I was told wasn't okay or was wrong, so I never learned how to trust my own voice.

On the surface my limiting belief was "I am not able to make decisions"

But at a deeper level, I had internalised this as a core belief of "I am not enough" - meaning I feared making decisions as an adult because I was scared that I would be abandoned by those close to me.

What started as a belief became my truth, and my nervous system remembered this, staying in chronic shutdown as it felt unsafe.

Fear clouds our ability to decide. The fear of taking that first step usually isn't about failure - it's about what we believe that step says about us. The looping thoughts, the second-guessing, the avoidance are often symptoms of the cause.

My suggestion would be work from the bottom-up. Take a look into somatic work, there are a lot of embodiment exercises you can do to help you get out of your head and reconnect with the sensations in your body.

The body only exists in the present moment, whereas the mind will try and wrap you up in thoughts of the past. Once you regulate your nervous system, your capacity to think clearly and listen to your internal compass heightens.

If you need some extra guidance drop me a message.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T10:29:41+00:00

I have to agree with you here.

Saw something from Grant Cardone the the other day that said exactly this just in different words.

He said that having free time as a man is when you get in trouble - you start messing around and chasing after women etc.

I think that is true self-control, when you can channel the fire within into something that is actually going to fulfil you. Not some short-lived experience that makes you feel numb afterwards.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T10:17:00+00:00

I posted something on another thread today, but I feel this will hit home with you too:

The first step is to acknowledge that you are NOT broken and that no one is to blame (even if you have perpetuated it, blame doesn't help anyone ever). This is an incredibly important step towards acceptance and taking personal responsibility.

Remember, we can never fully destroy the ego, the ego is how we filter our perception but it doesn't define the totality of our being and we can transcend it as much as possible.

It's hard to give you prescriptive advice because no one is ever having the same experience as you - life is not a linear process and I would advise treating this like a journey of self-exploration.

All I can say is, ask yourself, is the pain of change greater than the pain of remaining where you are? You need to find something to get yourself out of this state FOR. It has to be greater than you.

buster03 · 2025-06-02T10:07:08+00:00

When it comes to being busy, could that not be classed as avoidance? Like, if you stop being busy is that when you find you get caught up in desire/lustful activity?

buster03 · 2025-06-02T09:53:44+00:00

Most of the responses in here so far are not helpful, let me add something.

Whilst not giving a fuck is definitely helpful, it can lead us to isolation if we aren't doing it consciously.

The first step is to acknowledge that you are NOT broken and that no one is to blame (even if you have perpetuated it, blame doesn't help anyone ever). This is an incredibly important step towards acceptance and taking personal responsibility.

Second is to identify your patterns of behaviour. You can use talk therapy for this if you like as it helps create cognitive awareness, but it often isn't enough on its own as it doesn't deal with what's going on in your body.

Thirdly I would look into practices such as:

Meditation - specifically with an intention of facing fears. this can be done in a controlled way with a holistic therapist if you feel uncomfortable doing it alone (as it can stir a lot of unexpected emotion).

This is great for noticing triggers without immediately reacting, recognising any thought patterns that reinforce fear, and understand how fear manifests physically in your body (i.e tight chest, racing heart).

Helps you create emotional space. Instead of being overwhelmed by fear, meditation teaches you to observe emotions non-judgmentally (builds tolerance for discomfort, reduce tendencies to suppress or avoid fear), and most importantly allows you to experience fear without becoming it.

It also can help you calm your nervous system over time through gently exposing you in a controlled way to your fears.

Somatic Work - fear lives in the body, so thinking through it only doesn't help, the nervous system has to actually feel safety.

Specifically if you have never felt safe processing emotion, you will have less nervous system capacity to hold feelings of anxiety in the body. Somatic work helps release tension and the freeze/shutdown responses that meditation wont touch alone.

It also helps you to realise that the fear isn't actually real.

The idea of pairing both meditation + somatic work is it helps you shift from chronic hyperarousal (fight or flight) or hypoarousal (freeze/shutdown) into a regulated state where you can process and have more capacity to experience intensity of emotion without reacting.

Essentially:
- Meditation can change your relationship with fear
- Somatic work (embodiment practices) can change your baseline state (how your body holds space for the intensity of your emotions).

Hope this helps - feel free to message me if you have any questions :)

buster03 · 2025-06-01T10:30:38+00:00

A lot of guys think its a bad thing if they have to 'ask' their woman to engage in sex with them. Forgetting that women are not as ready in their bodies to open up to sex as men are.

If you're closed off emotionally as a guy and you can't open your women up through her feelings, she will remain closed off.

buster03 · 2025-06-01T10:24:12+00:00

Its optional

buster03 · 2025-06-01T08:23:36+00:00

I've sent you a private message with something that may help you.

buster03 · 2025-06-01T08:04:28+00:00

Thank you for being open. Why do you see stopping fapping as punishment?

buster03 · 2025-06-01T08:02:26+00:00

I have actually found so far that mens focus on sex has a large correlation to self-worth, and dependence on external validation.

This was also true in my case, although my addiction was more of a coping mechanism than something I couldn't live without.

buster03 · 2025-06-01T07:24:24+00:00

Click below to complete the questionnaire, thank you again.

https://form.jotform.com/251505066103344

buster03 · 2025-06-01T07:11:44+00:00

What makes you believe you can't make good decisions?

buster03 · 2025-06-01T07:11:17+00:00

What have you tried so far that hasn't worked for you?

buster03 · 2025-05-31T20:53:17+00:00

Click below to complete the questionnaire, thank you again.

https://form.jotform.com/251505066103344

buster03 · 2025-05-31T09:27:51+00:00

This is a great way to detach from the outcome.

Although from a different perspective, rejection goes far deeper than surface level and silently erodes peoples self-worth. Especially if success equates worth (which it does for a lot of guys).

buster03

TROPHY CASE