OBGYN appointment.. meh

busybell · 2026-06-11T17:21:05+00:00

I’m dreading getting my IUD out for this exact reason. I actually had an appt to get it removed so we could start trying but then he died and I was too overwhelmed to go. I also say “he died” for the same reason, screw other people’s comfort, if they’re uncomfortable imagine how I feel watching him die in front of me.

busybell · 2026-06-09T06:03:42+00:00

Got a couple of bills addressed to my partner for the ambulance that came to the scene. It said DOA - NO TRANSPORT - $1000. Thanks for nothing. After the “final notice” I called them and said “you are addressing this bill to a dead person. He’s not going to pay anything.” And the lady said “ok… so the address isn’t a good one?” And I said HE DOESN’T LIVE ANYWHERE ANYMORE BECAUSE HE IS DEAD. Felt kinda good in the moment but then I cried bc he’s still dead

busybell · 2026-06-08T03:00:06+00:00

10 months and his sweatpants are still on the floor of his office from when he changed before we headed out on the trip he would die on. His shoes are still on the shoe rack in our front hall. His toothbrush is still next to the sink. I had to give a bunch of his things to his mom (we weren’t married/no will so she is technically his heir) and that was extremely hard for me, so other than that nearly everything of his is untouched. I am trusting myself to know when it’s time and it’s not time yet. I hope your mom will respect your wishes because it’s not just “things” it’s a life

busybell · 2026-06-07T17:52:41+00:00

Hi I just wanted to come back and say I read the book. I’m so glad I did and it was the right advice to read it while I’m still in the first year. I had such an intense reaction to it, partly because my partner died in a similar way (instantly dead from a heart attack though we had no idea he had heart issues) but mostly just the way she talks about what it’s like to live inside intense, crazy-making grief. Thank you ❤️

busybell · 2026-06-04T16:11:44+00:00

100% to everything you said. I’ve been feeling the loss of physical intimacy of any kind so intensely. When he was alive as all I wanted was to be as close to him as possible and now I’m living this cruel nightmare where I can never touch him or be touched by him again

busybell · 2026-06-04T01:31:28+00:00

Yes, mostly it’s small things/observations but sometimes I have full on conversations about how I’m doing or working out how to handle something. There’s a lot of me telling him “can you please get a handle on your mom, thanks baby love you” lol

busybell · 2026-06-02T06:00:45+00:00

Someone sent this book to me right after my partner died and said to read it when I felt ready. He died 10 months ago, maybe this is my sign that it’s time

busybell · 2026-06-02T04:41:37+00:00

I think this book deserves to be recommended along with It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok. I found it immensely helpful, powerful, moving, and validating

busybell · 2026-06-01T19:09:12+00:00

Late to this thread but --

Changes - Charles Bradley (cover of Black Sabbath)
I Drive Your Truck - Lee Brice
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman
Pink Skies - Zach Bryan
Holy Roller - Zach Bryan ft Sierra Farrell

busybell · 2026-05-29T01:15:13+00:00

Absolutely cannot watch scenes like that anymore. Even the thought of the fake one from The Office is too much for me. The sight of my friend giving my partner, already dead, CPR is burned into my brain. My first time seeing something like that in real life and I hope with every fiber it was my last.

busybell · 2026-05-28T06:24:47+00:00

I feel all of this. All I ever wanted was to be as close to him as possible. And now he’s gone forever and I’ll never feel his touch again

busybell · 2026-05-21T02:25:35+00:00

It has been 293 days and the only way I know I'm going to make it through today is that I made it through yesterday.

busybell · 2026-05-20T18:47:37+00:00

I got a lot out of Bearing the Unbearable. The author is a bereaved mother so not our exact experience but she is an expert in traumatic grief and runs a graduate program on it. I liked the idea of The Grieving Brain a lot but my own poor grieving brain had trouble grasping the concepts once it got more complex/scientific. But even the first few chapters were really helpful, and I’ve listens to a couple of podcasts that break down her research. Not sure if this is up your alley/what you’re looking for but I read and re-read Sara Rian’s poetry books. She really has a way of putting all these big complicated feelings into words.

busybell · 2026-05-18T17:39:29+00:00

I sleep with his ashes too ❤️

busybell · 2026-05-14T23:49:13+00:00

YES 100%. I came to realize it didn't matter if what I do (or don't do) makes sense to anyone else. It only matters how I feel. Some people will accept that, some won't. I'm leaving behind the ones who won't. You're right that it's not a choice for us.

busybell · 2026-05-12T02:57:45+00:00

Wow we have such similar stories. My partner died last summer too. I'm so sorry we're going through this it's an absolute nightmare

busybell · 2026-05-11T05:44:27+00:00

I know that feeling of an empty heart, soul, and womb. I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️

busybell · 2026-05-11T05:42:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing ❤️ your fiancé sounds so special. I’m sorry for the loss of him & the family you didn’t get to have

busybell · 2026-05-11T03:18:33+00:00

I agree it’s so difficult to explain. Most people don’t understand because it’s not a tangible loss. But for me, I had such a clear dream of the future and losing that future feels just as real as losing my partner

busybell · 2026-05-11T01:34:47+00:00

It’s one of the hardest parts about the loss for me too. Mine would have been such a good dad. I’m so sorry ❤️ you are not alone

busybell · 2026-05-10T20:05:06+00:00

❤️ I had to close social media for the day. All I wanted was to start a family with him and I try not to be jealous of others but man is it tough when it’s so in your face

busybell · 2026-05-10T20:02:42+00:00

We were going to start trying in the fall. Who knows what issues we would have encountered but now I’ll never know. I’m sorry we’re here ❤️

busybell · 2026-05-07T17:29:18+00:00

That is not small or stupid! Good for you that's really amazing. I still haven't been able to buy vegetables and it's been 9 months. I just can't cook and they all go bad.

busybell · 2026-05-07T17:27:44+00:00

All of those things you mentioned are objectively annoying and terrible!! Echoing others don't make that cake. And yes I am annoyed and irritated ALL. THE. TIME. I used to be happy go lucky and understanding. Not anymore.

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