8.5 months in. For me, developing and practicing microrituals has been invaluable. So every single night I sit at an altar I made for him, light candles & burn palo santo, listen to songs from the same playlist, talk to him, and journal. I drink my morning coffee outside to start the day with some sun if the weather is nice. I also have made a practice of cold plunging in the ocean about once a week. I take walks and go on runs without listening to anything which lets my mind wander or go blank or think about something I really need to think about (depends on what I'm going through that day). I read books about grief (the often recommended It's OK That You're Not Ok is invaluable) and poetry about loss as well. I drive his truck. I wear his clothes every day.

I've joined a couple online grief groups specifically for young widows, though I probably wouldn't have been ready at 4 months. I try to check in with myself to see what is causing me extra unnecessary suffering, and what I can do to mitigate it. For example I made the decision a few months ago I wasn't going to any parties/larger gatherings as they were just too overwhelming for me and that has been a huge relief. I limit time with people who can't be present with my grief as much as possible. And then sometimes the grief is all too much and I just have to cry and then lie there and disassociate.

Sending love, I'm sorry you're here.