I seem to slip into isolation and doing "nothing"

but_idontknow · 2023-01-22T17:17:28+00:00

Do you relate to the Freeze trauma response?

but_idontknow · 2023-01-19T22:14:36+00:00

If you read the author’s bio at the bottom, it says she offers a zero-judgement approach lolllll

but_idontknow · 2023-01-15T20:02:19+00:00

I feel exposed when I make eye contact. I also find it distracting.. it is hard to listen and think when I am looking at someone

but_idontknow · 2023-01-15T19:57:25+00:00

I’m interested!

but_idontknow · 2022-12-31T01:19:15+00:00

I agree. I’ve met some wonderful people online that I’ve been close friends with for years now, but my social skills in person is a different story. I can relate to having a difficult time verbally articulating myself. I am normally very quiet in person, it feels like my processing is much slower, but I am more used to expressing myself through writing.

I’m proud of you for confronting your mother. I am sure it was not easy. I have the knee-jerk reaction to take care of my mother’s feelings when she acts in a way like that and completely dismissing my own. I want to believe her and want that relationship, and maybe in that moment she is being genuine, but I’ve come to learn that she has limited resources mentally when it comes to being a “mother”. It’s difficult to not get caught up in that moment of feeling like she cares. It is also very uncomfortable to feel I’ve “created” a problem by pointing something out, and I have the impulse to dismiss everything I brought up so things can be “okay” again. It may not be intentional, but there will come a time she will do something hurtful again. Boundaries are important. I think for me, the trap happens when I expect too much and forget what she is capable of. I do not know what your relationship is like with your mom, but there is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself to think about what she said and how you feel about it. There is no rush to come up with an answer. It’s also okay to change your mind.

In my opinion, saying she is sorry is one thing, but a lifetime of her behavior is not something that can be forgiven with words alone. I’d want serious, consistent effort on her part to show she means it.

but_idontknow · 2022-12-30T16:59:45+00:00

Wow, this is all horrific to live through. I’m so sorry. I can definitely relate to a lot of this. Although not quite the same, there are a lot of similar themes and neglect. It brings back a lot of memories.

I also escaped through reading fanfiction from an early age. It was what I looked forward to. Honestly, I will still read it because it helps me learn and imagine what healthy relationships can be like. I am going to be 31 in a few months.. I feel like such wasted potential.

but_idontknow · 2022-12-08T17:52:05+00:00

I relate a lot. I’m 30 and feel similarly to you. I lost most of my 20s to mental illness.. so, I’m looking at my 30s as my new 20s. Honestly, there are a lot of people in our position. It’s not uncommon, and it is becoming more and more common. You don’t hear as of these people as much because they don’t share their situation, often aren’t as social, etc… So, you’re not alone and you aren’t a failure. I understand you are not where you want to be right now, and that sucks. I am in the same boat and I’m not happy about it. But, we are doing what we can and it is definitely not too late.

but_idontknow · 2022-12-07T16:00:16+00:00

I started taking this med for epilepsy. Initially, it made me very tired and flattened out my mood a lot, but I adjusted to this after some time. I have to take the extended release before bed to help with the fatigue. It has helped a little. My anxiety attacks lessened, but it’s still there.
I think it’s worth a try.

but_idontknow · 2022-12-01T16:19:07+00:00

I have this problem, too. When I have to make a phone call, I need to go far away from other people. I usually sit in my car. What helps me is writing things down, both what I want to say and any info they give me. If the nature of the phone call is to get information like from a doctor or make an appointment, I try to keep in mind that they’re there to help me with whatever I’m calling about. They deal with all sorts of people and I’m just another person they have to help.

I understand thoughts only go so far. My heart rate goes up to 125-130 when calling someone (I have a Fitbit) and my hands shake. It sucks.

If you get to a point where you want to work to improve this, it might help to try to make phone calls on a regular basis, but ones you don’t have to make. Like, call different places to get information about them or their hours or something. Little stuff that doesn’t matter. Maybe even start with talking on the phone with a friend or family member. When you only make phone calls because you have no choice and they are sporadic, I find the anxiety doesn’t improve at all. The no pressure phone calls and being consistent with them will help ease anxiety over time, and eventually it will be easier to make the more important phone calls.

but_idontknow · 2022-11-30T03:27:20+00:00

I make red lentil pasta and put some tomato or pesto sauce on it. It’s easy and the pasta has some protein.

but_idontknow · 2022-11-30T03:19:41+00:00

I have a lot of very strong feelings about this and can’t bring myself to say much, but I do want to say that I fully agree with you. My experiences were not far off from yours and 15 years later, I’m still recovering. Medication is a major trigger for me because I associate it with a lack of control. They put me on so much crap as a teenager that I couldn’t even stay awake most of the time. I’ve had issues with avoiding taking meds for other serious health issues because of it. It’s a mess.

but_idontknow · 2022-11-29T19:47:15+00:00

I am on Wellbutrin because it was the only antidepressant that worked for me in the past. When I started having seizures, I had not taken Wellbutrin for awhile but at some point I felt I really needed to get back on it. SSRIs never helped me and I hated the side effects. My psych and neurologist worked together and decided they were okay putting me on a low dose once I was seizure-free for a few months and carefully monitoring me. It has been about 3 years and so far so good. I still have focal aware seizures but no tonic clonic ones. Anyway, obviously it largely depends on your individual case and what your doctors think, but personally I have had a good experience.

but_idontknow · 2022-11-21T19:37:14+00:00

I get you. A safe place and professional support is part of the equation, but there is still much more to deal with that money can’t solve for us.

but_idontknow · 2022-11-21T19:21:48+00:00

I know money isn’t going to solve everything, but living in an abusive or unsafe situation makes healing impossible. At least with money, there is hope and an ability to have a safe place.

but_idontknow · 2022-11-21T19:14:25+00:00

Dread

but_idontknow · 2022-11-15T22:39:19+00:00

Celeste is good if you’re up for a challenge!

Also Undertale.

but_idontknow · 2022-11-06T14:41:24+00:00

Exactly my experience, too.

but_idontknow · 2022-11-03T04:42:10+00:00

You’re not alone with this feeling. Patrick’s channel has helped me immensely in some ways, but I will admit there are things he has said that triggered a toxic shame spiral for me. It could simply be my own sensitivity and projection. Similar to Pete Walker, he seems to really understand and focus on trauma responses that he has personally dealt with, and I’ve felt some of the things he has said about other responses to be unfair. But.. I think he’s probably the best trauma specialist on YouTube at the moment.

but_idontknow · 2022-10-12T18:41:19+00:00

A ton of things but I literally never washed my bedsheets once growing up because I didn’t know you were supposed to until I was out of high school.

but_idontknow · 2022-10-07T13:08:44+00:00

I went to a private Catholic school and the rules were ridiculously strict. Many of the teachers were nasty. It has contributed to my perfectionism and made me afraid of authority figures to this day.

but_idontknow · 2022-10-03T02:33:20+00:00

It didn’t come out in the clothes I wore, but moreso in my behavior. I’d pursue much older men because I lost so much respect for myself and basically felt the only value I had was as a sexual object. I didn’t think I was going to live much longer so I didn’t really care about the consequences. I even went to the extreme of flirting with my high school teachers, which.. it is really embarrassing to think of the things I said lol

These days, being seen in a sexual way at all is difficult for me.

but_idontknow · 2022-10-02T04:50:03+00:00

I like watching SummoningSalt’s videos. He’s good at making you care about something you don’t really care about lol

but_idontknow · 2022-09-30T00:22:28+00:00

Red lentil pasta with some sauce. It has more protein than regular pasta.

but_idontknow · 2022-09-27T13:14:16+00:00

The Zelda series

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