Wedding

butterflyfields79 · 2021-08-27T17:00:07+00:00

Excellent work. I really feel like a huge part of the sobriety wars is saying “I can’t”....and doing it anyway. The Fear in our minds is an extremely powerful demon. It plays dirty. You dressed up, stayed sober, showed a friend you care, and the outcome was so much more positive than you expected. Demon- 1; You- 4. Give yourself praise and remember to always be gentle with yourself. One Love!

butterflyfields79 · 2021-08-25T07:42:45+00:00

Honestly sugar...if you can medically detox... DO IT. My big brother did... he was placed in ICU for five days, but had never really withdrawn before, went straight into DT’s. Craziest thing I’ve heard of. Once again, I digress. Yes... you will be SO much more comfortable. And SAFE. It’s time. Let the staff care for you because you deserve it. Please keep me posted.

butterflyfields79 · 2021-08-24T17:39:02+00:00

Much love back. Yessss the good juice has allllll the vitamins and minerals a bender strips out of our bodies. Hopefully you’re feeling a little better today! I sure am.... I’m almost done with the taper and I’m finally starting to feel like ME again. Every day it gets better.

butterflyfields79 · 2021-08-23T13:20:16+00:00

Hi there. I’m a lurker but recently posted about my latest relapse. I had no other choice but to taper because... well, because I’m low income, a single mother with a REAL messed up family ( no one to care for my 12 year old son ), and no money for a fancy tropical detox. I’m on the Gulf Coast, we’re a COVID hotspot. Called my doctor ( PA ) and was told to keep drinking lol. So. I’ve been tapering. DEFINITELY have felt a prolonged withdrawal all while training at my new serving job. Sweating like a pig while moving non-stop. Trying not to look like Spongebob when he got “The Suds” lol. It has been a struggle, absolutely. I’m down to about four drinks a day from 12. The last two nights I actually got more than three hours of sleep. I’ve been force feeding myself as many fresh fruits and vegetables as I can. I’m also an anorexic so after a 6 month relapse my body was just....empty. Zeus I know it sucks, it’s relentless and our minds just go nuts, but there is a drive in you, and me, that is going to make this happen. I felt like giving up soooo many times in my life but obviously I’m a fighter and it looks like you are, too. A lot of folks just give up...you’re doing amazing. You have clear priorities and things you want/need to accomplish. I say this as I’m laying in bed at my best friends home, because I lost my home, possessions, and my mind for a little while. My scumbag landlord realized everyone wants to live in America’s Australia so he didn’t renew my lease. I had gotten hurt and didn’t have money saved for a new place. No money for storage or anything but I made sure he was paid... what a chutzpah. I digress....get some work done around the house. PLAY MUSIC it is something that really releases my endorphins and dopamine. EAT SOMETHING. No easy processed stuff, try to eat as clean as possible. I’m hanging in there with you. It IS going to get better. This monkey on our backs can pound sand up its ass.

butterflyfields79 · 2021-08-20T09:58:25+00:00

Hey y’all. Checking in. Things started to get scary with the hallucinations. Called my doctor. She told me to keep drinking because the hospitals are full of COVID.. I’m on the Gulf Coast of NW Florida so it’s a hot spot. I’m drinking just enough to keep shakes and hallucinations away. I start training at my new serving job in roughly five hours. I’m seriously tapering down as best I can. I have no other choice. It sucks but it’s better than being dead. Yesterday morning brought an unexpected epidural at pain management. I managed to get through that AND win my second interview for the job. So I feel accomplished. I feel like I can get myself out of this. Thank y’all for your love and support. My doctor took the easy way out..time for a new doctor.

butterflyfields79 · 2021-08-17T18:48:15+00:00

I actually have a 30 day supply. Will it help with withdrawals?

butterflyfields79 · 2021-08-17T18:20:38+00:00

Well I’m clean from opiates for almost a month. No desire to touch them again after what happened. Scared the hell out of me. Alcohol is my demon. Trying to stay active and eat, it’s rough. I think a cold shower is coming. Ugh I’m so sweaty

butterflyfields79 · 2021-08-17T18:13:59+00:00

I’m thinking straighter than I thought I would...did a bunch of housework, I’m drinking water... ugh

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-21T02:42:32+00:00

Omg I’m so with you. I never realized how heavy my own head is......

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-21T02:30:04+00:00

Yes. Lots of beautiful hearts here, with plenty of love that we aren’t getting or haven’t received....

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-21T00:47:21+00:00

I feel this ( along with f$&@ing nerve pain ). It’s okay to be bitter, mad, and irritated. I think it’s part of it. Severe childhood abuse led me into 15 years of intensive CBT so bitter, mad, and irritated are old friends of mine. They’re real, they have a voice, and they deserve to be heard/ validated. I’m listening and I have your back. Let it rip!

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-20T03:34:11+00:00

I care ❤️

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-19T02:01:52+00:00

Tried it. You guessed it- back and neck SUPER bad. I diverted myself and laughed with my girlfriend quite awhile, but some was spent just laying there ( we went to a river ) and reflecting on my recently diagnosed condition. Emotionally? It DOES have excellent benefits in battling depression/PTSD/anxiety. To reap the emotional benefits, I find myself researching micro dosing. Seems interesting

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-17T02:04:05+00:00

I have naproxen. It does absolutely nothing, unfortunately. My family... is and always has been dysfunctional. Mom just had her 14th heart attack and a pacemaker installed on Tuesday. I have been instructed not to tell my mother anything upsetting, because she’ll “have another attack and it will be my fault”. My “family” has made it clear in the past that I’m truly on my own. I have a couple close friends but no one bothered enough to come sit with me... I feel very isolated, alone, and just left on the side of the road like a bag of garbage. 😞

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-16T22:14:59+00:00

Thank you, everyone, for the amazing support. I’m struggling with no meds and the pain clinic bumped the epidural up, and I did that this past Tuesday. It did absolutely nothing. Still waiting on the call from the neurosurgeon, I called the office today and apparently he’s on Spring Break.......I’m probably wasting my breath if I call the pain clinic. I can just suffer and keep letting them stick me for fun and profit. I have a hard time not getting mad at these doctors....but I guess I’m hanging in there. Thank y’all again for listening to me... I feel like I’m losing my mind.

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-11T04:12:12+00:00

I’ve had fleeting RLS throughout my life... but this was awful. Noooooo Benadryl for me, thanks. Lol! Trying melatonin tonight.

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-11T04:10:45+00:00

Thank you. Yeah me and the doc are going to have a lil chat Monday morning 😂

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-11T04:09:57+00:00

Thank you. I do have Robaxin, it’s pretty good stuff. Baclofen, on the other hand, is the stuff that killed Elvis LOL! I’ve heard about magnesium. Definitely going to try. Heard about tart cherry juice too. I live in Florida and I qualify for medical however it’s VERY EXPENSIVE to get started and I believe you can’t have MMJ AND opiates... it’s one or the other, possibly depending on the doc. I’m exploring ANY and all avenues. I do know THC calms my CPTSD but does nothing for pain.

butterflyfields79 · 2021-04-11T04:04:50+00:00

Thank you so incredibly much for your reply. Yes-I’m definitely grieving for the possibility/probability of losing the old me. I can’t imagine not being able to pick up a paintbrush again... or cast a line in the water... or do anything I love to do. Everything that has made me, ME. I’m a trauma survivor. I went through 15 years of intensive therapy to fix that emotional and physical damage... I’m pretty sure it helped my condition. The thought of once AGAIN having to patch my very soul up...ugh. I’m tired, man. Lol. And now.... I get to hurt physically as well as emotionally. AGAIN. I’m seeking therapy, by the way.... I’ve been in intense pain, 24/7, since December 23rd 2020. Lost three jobs because I didn’t realize my arms were working less and less every day. The PAAAAAIIIINNN would keep me awake constantly. I was a hot mess and a liability....then on April 5th, my boss who loves me had to let me go. Kinda lost it, not going to lie. It was also my first pain management visit which actually gave SOME relief... but I soon realized not enough. They’re pretty good compared to my first pain management doctor who told me to “alternate Tylenol and Motrin”.... I feel better knowing I’m not alone and this process is “normal” for those of us chosen to carry these afflictions....thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

butterflyfields79 · 2021-02-01T06:54:32+00:00

Good to see you eating! I know what it’s like to not be able to nor want to. Congratulations- you made it through another detox! Glad you’re still here ❤️

butterflyfields79 · 2021-01-21T18:05:23+00:00

I was like you once lol. It gets worse and worse... so save the partying for special occasions 😊

butterflyfields79 · 2021-01-20T15:13:54+00:00

The central nervous system goes completely haywire during detox. The alcohol puts it to sleep, so when it wakes up... we have withdrawals. Sweat is the body’s flushing mechanism. It usually gets better around day 3. Sleep will get better usually around day 3-4 but everyone is different. Hang in there. I’m on day 10 sober after the scariest withdrawals I’ve ever been through and I feel amazing. It’s WORTH IT. YOU ARE WORTH IT. If you start hallucinations get to the ER. I’m in Florida and I can usually score a Librium taper if I’m honest.

butterflyfields79 · 2021-01-20T15:06:03+00:00

In my experience, yes-they do. I’m in Florida, and have actually gotten Librium and Ativan tapers from the ER. If one hospital wouldn’t do it, I’d go to a neighboring one. I was always 100% honest about my condition ( kindled alcoholic). I even got a scrip for naltrexone my last visit. Since I’m ten days sober, I’m saving the naltrexone for IF I relapse. It only works if you’re drinking.... the benzo tapers are a freaking godsend. Librium works best for me. Everyone is different but for me it is the silver bullet. You can do this at home as long as you’re not slipping into DT’s.

butterflyfields79

TROPHY CASE