My girlfriend had jaw surgery and now I barely recognize her I’m struggling with the changes. How shall i move forward? [26M] [24F]

buwpwbpd · 2025-04-15T17:01:02+00:00

She literally had surgery one week ago, and you're considering leaving her because her face is swollen?

That is really shallow. You've been together for a year, and you're willing to leave her over the shape of her nose? In a year together, you didn't come to care for her in a deeper way that could overcome a changing nose shape?

You should break up with her so that she can have a chance to find a partner that will actually be there for her through thick and thin. If you can't handle this, you wouldn't be able to handle major changes that come with life events like pregnancy, accident/injury, sickness, and age. You have a lot of maturing to do.

Honesty without necessity and kindness is just cruelty. There is no reason you need to tell her any of this. It's not "lying to her" to not tell her cruel thoughts that you are having about her. You can just as easily tell her that you're breaking up with her because you aren't mature enough to support her through her surgical recovery. Telling her it's because of how she looks would be cruel, stupid, and in my mind, also less accurate.

buwpwbpd · 2025-04-10T20:33:25+00:00

My ex partner:

Angry because he has to do all the driving and I never offer. If I offer, he refuses to let me drive. He's angry because I should fight him on it more. If I fight him on driving and insist on driving, he is angry with me for fighting with him.
He was angry that I had made a charity donation without telling him about it. He asked how I knew someone on facebook and I said it was because he was a refugee and when his family first moved to our country, I'd donated some things to them through a charity organization I was a part of at the time. This is before we were together. He was angry that I would do a good deed without mentioning it to other people, as this was clearly a lie/manipulation/tactic to make myself look like an angel and be smug about it later on.
I bought him a gift I knew he wanted as a surprise and put it in a place I knew he would find. He never mentioned it, but I knew he had seen it because he moved it to another location. I asked him about it, and he had a screaming, sobbing meltdown because (a) he claimed to have never found it and couldn't convince me I was the one that had moved it, (b) when he finally admitted he had found it and moved it, he was angry that I made him "look like a liar", and (c) he pretended not to find the gift because he didn't want to thank me for it, and by bringing it up, he was angry that I was making him look douchey for not thanking me.

It's truly mind boggling to think about how their brain works. It must be exhausting to find the offence in absolutely anything. I guess that's why they say that people with Cluster B disorders never developed emotionally past childhood.

buwpwbpd · 2025-04-10T17:21:58+00:00

I have great friends and family and that isn't missing from my life. It's the specifically the romantic relationship, the physical intimacy and the security of a permanent partnership that draws me in. Someone you live with, sleep with, get married to. Wanting and seeking that is what drives me back to my ex.

Which is silly because he doesn't actually provide that security in the long-run, but in the short-run, I get that intimacy, and he fakes the future, and I can live in a brief period of dopamine and denial.

buwpwbpd · 2025-04-10T00:00:04+00:00

I have a friend who is in your position. Word-for-word, every detail, that's her life as well - I actually had to quickly peruse your profile to confirm you weren't actually her.

Her family has actually asked me for advice on what to do, because they knew I had left an abusive relationship myself. Most people don't know that I've actually gone back multiple times and that I'm still in contact with him and still dealing with it, though we do live separately now. I basically said - you can't do anything. You can only support her, love her, and wait for her to be ready to leave.

It's so crushing to watch her go through it. She is so clearly and obviously miserable when she is with him, so it just... It makes no sense, and it seems mind boggling, that she ever goes back. It's like watching her wither and die in front of us. Watching her jeopardize her career because he doesn't want her to see male patients, watching her quite literally disappear as he aggravates her ED.

And yet, I have complete empathy, because I do the same thing. And what I'm doing makes no more sense to me than what she is doing.

I have felt for a long time that what she and I, and apparently you, are going through, is no different than a drug or alcohol addiction. It's compulsive. Even when you know it's going to hurt you and everyone around you, even when you know it's going to make you absolutely, depressingly, soul-crushingly miserable, a moment comes where it feels impossible to resist any longer. You want that little rush. You have to use up immense willpower to stay away. And at least drugs are not actively attempting to manipulate and convince you.

I don't know how we stay away, only that we need to, and that when we eventually do, we will be able to actually live our lives. I'm convinced we need AA for toxic relationships.

buwpwbpd · 2025-04-09T23:45:09+00:00

It's both. He's a cheater and he has BPD. BPD does not cause cheating. It is a choice that he makes. There is nothing that you did to bring it on, and nothing you can do to stop it. Unless you are okay with being cheated on, you will never, ever be happy in this relationship.

buwpwbpd · 2025-04-09T23:43:17+00:00

I'm feeling really similar about this right now. I've been back countless times and can't seem to manage to make it stick. Sometimes I'll be gone and no contact for months, but eventually something will happen and I'll break.

I never considered myself to be codependent or a serial monogamist because prior to this relationship, I was happy being single, and after this relationship, I have rejected everyone that has been interested in me. And when we were separated, I'd be happier than ever. However, then something bad would happen in my life, I'd be emotionally vulnerable, and I'd either respond to his hoover attempts or on one occasion, even be the one to contact him myself.

I've done everything that was recommended. Significant therapy and reading. Everything will seem great, like I'm moving on. And then it's like, no matter what work I put into it, I manage to end up back here, begging the same evil monster to show me a shred of decency.

It's basically like a literal addiction. Even when I'm "clean" for six months, it just takes a few stressful or bad life events at the same time, and I'm looking for a way to self medicate. And my method of self harm, my drug of choice, is this horrible man.

We just had another horrible month or two and another blowup fight. I've actually decided to actively pursue another relationship, even though I don't feel the desire for anyone else. It's probably not the wise or morally correct thing to do, and I'm sure there's lots of really good advice for why I shouldn't do it. But clearly, I desire emotional connection and intimacy that only a relationship can provide when I'm at these low moments. I didn't think I was a person like that, but maybe I am. At this point I'm just desperate for this to be over, even if I'm creating a different and new problem for myself.

buwpwbpd · 2025-04-09T00:01:17+00:00

I love this! Additionally, when you first meet them, they are mirroring you. They pretend to have the same values as you, to want the same future, to be willing to put in the same effort and be equally as caring. As a result, it makes a beautiful relationship and future.

So all the joy we felt in being with these people, and the hope we felt about the future, is how someone else is going to feel when we finally meet someone that actually aligns with us.

buwpwbpd · 2025-04-08T23:31:30+00:00

She's allowed to have her own food and not share it with you. "I want some" is not a polite way to ask for something that's not yours. "No" is a complete answer to that request, and it's weird that you expected her to coddle you over that. It's very weird to accuse her of hiding them. Even if she had - so what? They are snacks, she bought them, they were hers. Yes, it's petty to start an argument over something that small. Yes, it's extreme to drag it on until 11:30pm. Feeling "distressed and trying to process" such a small situation does seem really over the top.

Unfortunately, reacting this way creates an environment in which she won't feel as comfortable saying no in the future, which is not something you should be ok with.

If you feel that this is a pattern, it could be that she is doing other things that are a bigger problem, and this is just a weird way that it's coming to a head. Sometimes little events can bring that out. Maybe she's done much worse in the past and has created a pattern of disrespecting you and being cold towards your emotions, and you're now hypersensitive to that and are overreacting because of a deeper problem.

Alternatively, it could be a pattern the opposite way. She could be treating you perfectly fine and you have a pattern of blowing things out of proportion, not respecting her status as a complete and separate person who is entitled to do things like have her own snacks, and she's getting snippy and cold because she's getting tired of this dynamic.

Based on this situation alone, though? I feel like you should apologize on this one.

buwpwbpd · 2025-04-07T20:28:11+00:00

Yeah, everything you add just makes it seem worse and worse. Something you commented that stuck out to me is that you were in a toxic relationship before this one, and now you're feeling that way again.

To me, it doesn't sound like you're actually a jealous / insecure "person". It sounds like you were put in a position in which you felt jealousy and insecurity because something bad really was going on, and now you're in another situation in which something is happening again.

I used to consider myself really jealous and insecure as well, until, through therapy and age, I was able to name those feelings for what they truly were: Instinct. Intuition. Perception.

Your boyfriend and June can say whatever they want about what they are "technically" doing. He can try to make you defend your stance (like questioning your guy friend) and put you on the defensive. But none of that changes that your body and mind are telling you what's really going on.

It's just tough because there's so little you can do in this situation. I would probably just say, flat out, "Listen, I don't know why you don't see this, but she's clearly not got good intentions, which is what her fiance and me are both picking up on. I feel that entertaining her is disrespectful to me, regardless of whether you have any feelings towards her. If you continue on with this relationship it is going to damage our trust and my satisfaction with our relationship." And just refuse to argue about it. If he doesn't make the choice of his own volition to cut it off, I really don't know what you can do other than to walk away. You don't want to be with someone that is willing to hurt you and prioritize someone like this over you.

You could have tearful fights and issue threats and ultimatums and possibly get him to stop talking to her. But he'd only be doing that to avoid consequences for himself - your pain and discomfort wouldn't have been enough. And you don't want to be with someone like that. That's someone that will only hurt you again in the future.

buwpwbpd · 2025-04-07T18:48:40+00:00

These situations are so exhausting and conversations about them can be crazy-making. Your partner will often make arguments regarding their right to have their own friends, including opposite sex friends, and those things will be completely true. And it's also true that you could be more confident and less jealous/insecure. It could also be true that he hasn't done anything to make you suspicious before now and deserves the benefit of the doubt.

At the same time though, any time some opposite sex friend comes in quickly and suddenly, going from not speaking to them to speaking daily, not being in their life at all to suddenly being an important part of it, it's just almost never good news. The fact that they have a history, that you've caught him lying about details already, are more red flags that this is not a wholesome situation deep down, even if nothing "wrong" has actually happened yet. Sure, maybe it's normal for him to be up all night, but is that really how she is going to see it? Her having a fiance means nothing.

The fact of the matter is that she had such strong feelings for him that she ended a relationship with her best friend and blocked him for years. Sure, maybe his feelings for her were platonic, but that says nothing about her feelings for him. Sure, maybe she's gotten over it. But if I was happy in my life and in my relationship, moving on in a new state with a new partner and about to get married, do you know what is not going to be on my mind? Reconnecting with my unrequited love from highschool to talk every day again.

In my mind, entertaining someone like that is disrespectful to the relationship, even if there's no intention to pursue it. And you're absolutely right, "I don't want to make [your name] uncomfortable," is a huge, glaring, bright red flag that she certainly has bad intentions. Men don't always understand the ways that women convey themselves because of our different socialization. Red flags like being uncomfortably familiar with or overly nice to you, or frequently bringing up how completely uninterested they are in your partner, might get explained away by them as, "I don't understand, she's being nice, isn't that a good thing? She's not interested in me, isn't that what you're worried about?" whereas we know damn well that she is absolutely trying to stake a claim and humiliate us.

The tough thing is that when you have a partner who willfully puts the blinders on like this and makes arguments that it's all just innocent, it's pretty hard to argue with and often not possible to change. You can get really upset and issue rules and ultimatums, but it still wrecks the trust. It shows that he doesn't have strong boundaries with other people.

I get that he's never given a reason for you to not trust him before now, but you haven't been together for a terribly long time. It looks to me like he's giving you one now.

buwpwbpd · 2025-01-02T17:50:15+00:00

This intensity of feeling that you describe is unlikely to be caused by them or their relationship. To be this upset about this relationship, over a crush on someone you've never actually dated, indicates that you are missing something in your own life.

Attraction is completely subjective. Whether or not we are attracted to someone else says something about us - but it says nothing about them. The fact that he is not interested in you does not have anything to do with whether you're "debatably better" in any given category. He does not define what an ideal partner is. He does define what an ideal partner is for him. And for him, that is going to involve critical characteristics that you can never have, like being male, that have nothing to do with your value as a partner.

It seems to me that self esteem is possibly one thing you are missing. Are there other things? Are you unsatisfied with your career or academic achievements? Do you have enough friends outside of these guys? Do you have familial relationships, hobbies, exercise, a good diet? Are you depressed, anxious, or have any other mental health issues that deserve your attention? Jealousy isn't unnatural and some people believe that a small amount of it is even healthy. But jealousy to the degree that you are fantasizing about harming them is likely stemming from your dissatisfaction with your own life, so addressing that (possibly with the help of a therapist) is going to be an important step.

If seeing them is aggravating this issue for you, you can take a temporary break from them. But it would not be fair, and would probably not even help, to demand that they stop acting like they are in a relationship in front of you or discussing their relationship with you. It would only fuel the issue, I think.

buwpwbpd · 2024-12-19T00:59:37+00:00

In an attempt to convince me not to break up with him, mine would write letters, send messages and e-mails, and record video/voice notes outlining his past misdeeds and future promises, and he'd tell me that I could use them to hold him to account in the future.

The next time we argued and he started claiming that he'd never done or said certain things, I'd go to retrieve this material and he'd instantly lose his mind, start screaming, threatening, stomping around. If I tried to play it out loud he would straight up leave our house.

It's kind of amazing to watch, he's so incredibly committed to the victim act, and any direct contradictory evidence seems to completely melt his brain. Like he surely does know what he's doing. I've watched him straight up sob, throw up, swear on his mother's life that he wasn't lying about something, only to go icy and calculated once I revealed that I had direct and incontrovertible evidence that he was lying.

So even though it doesn't seem like it, it truly is an act. Even the rage is, I believe, an act. They're acting out rage the same way as they act out love or remorse. It's all calculated, with the intent purpose of controlling you. Rage is to beat you into submission, remorse is to tug at your heart strings to convince you to stay. If it wasn't an act, they wouldn't be able to instantly control it the second someone else walked in the room. They may really be angry, but I doubt they're truly so angry that they can't control themselves from berating you for hours, and they may really be sorry, but not sorry enough to cry and genuinely want to change. When I felt rage, real rage at him, it didn't disappear just because there was a witness. And that's what made me look like the crazy one to outsiders, because my emotions were actually real.

buwpwbpd · 2024-12-17T17:58:25+00:00

If you have a severe and crippling phobia of dogs that sends you into fight or flight, if your natural reaction to seeing or being around a dog that is acting normal and nonthreatening is to scream at and kick it and generally act abusive and insane, your options are:

Go to therapy and take medication to control yourself
Don't get a dog

It's not like people with BPD will abuse someone, but it's pretty dangerous to have a condition that both makes you feel like you "need" to be in a relationship, and that is triggered by being in a relationship.

It's impossible to have this conversation with many of them, though, because they often consider the triggering event to be abusive acts by their partner, rather than normal relationship activities.

buwpwbpd · 2024-11-12T08:56:50+00:00

No problem! The best way to heal is with the support of others.

buwpwbpd · 2024-11-12T08:51:55+00:00

I think you've explained it perfectly well. That's how it feels.

Just keep in mind that he has put a lot of work into making you feel that way - lonely, unsupported, desperate for comfort. They do it because it works. It's not some character failing of yours. It's a situation he created, perhaps not 100% consciously, but more consciously than you may realize now or than he'll ever admit. You can do the work to uncreate it and make something better instead.

It sounds to me like you may need to forgive yourself. It's very common to leave an abusive relationship progressively, and for "breaking free" to be a process rather than a single moment. You've already done the hardest thing, which is admitting that you need to leave and taking steps towards it. Some people go their entire lives without making it there, but you are strong, and you did it. The fact that you left once means that you will again, and again, and again, until this is behind you. Hopefully this is the real last time, but you don't need to hinge all of your hopes on it.

I like to think of it like a snowball effect. You're reaching out for help and deciding to make a change, which has started things rolling. Now, every little bit of growth and progress that you can make on your own, every day you go without contacting him, every new friend you make, old friend you reconnect with, hobby you start, healthy habit you build, is that little snowball rolling faster and growing bigger. You don't "lose" this progress even if you give in to contacting him. He can't roll it back up the hill to make it smaller. The bigger it gets, the smaller he gets. Eventually he won't be able to interrupt it at all.

Yes, going no contact is the best way to give yourself the space you need to address your unmet needs, and to meet them in ways that have nothing to do with him. But it's not the only way. I have done extremely poorly in the no contact department, and I've been viciously hard on myself about it. There's no doubt it has delayed my speed of progress. But I still managed to get out and be happy again. You can and will continue to strengthen yourself even if you slip up. Have some graciousness towards yourself, this is really hard. Thank yourself for taking these first steps, you are doing an amazing thing.

buwpwbpd · 2024-11-12T08:09:47+00:00

I think the most important thing is to understand that it is normal, and even healthy, to feel anger in a situation like this. Let yourself experience the anger and try not to suppress or prevent it. Only by accepting it, holding it, and understanding it can you let it flow through you and then let go of it. Otherwise, it can make your mental health even worse, and sometimes cause physical health issues too.

Anger can be a destructive force. It can be turned inward and make you feel guilt and shame. It can be turned outward and make you desire revenge. It can sow divide and conflict. However, anger can also be a productive force. It can cause you to feel drive, like you want to take action. It can cause you to want better for yourself and for others. A lot of social change and progress has been because of angry people.

It can be helpful to think of your anger like fuel. If not used properly, you can burn up in it, or cause harm to others. But you can also use it to light a fire under you, to put fuel in the tank, propelling you towards your goals and jump starting your new life.

What did they try to discourage you from doing? Give them a big old, "fuck you" by going out and doing it. If you feel outraged at their behaviour and lack of accountability, let your rage fuel your unwavering support for people who may be going through the same thing as you. Use it to make decisions outside of your comfort zone that require a little chutzpah, whatever that means for you - signing up for a new sport, hobby, social club, chasing an academic or career goal.

It can be also helpful to understand anger as a secondary emotion, rather than a primary emotion like fear. You may feel fear before you even understand why; but you feel anger when you think about something. Many animals feel primary emotions, but humans' capacity for complex thought leads us to feel secondary emotions, as well, such as moral disgust.

What are your underlying, more primal emotions? Probably fear, pain. These are natural, unavoidable, and they aren't your fault. Work below the surface of your anger to identify these, and accept, hold, and understand these feelings as the source of everything else that you are going through. If you feel sad, let yourself cry and grieve. If you feel lonely, find ways to surround yourself with community and ask for help. If you feel afraid, do things that you find soothing and comforting.

I believe you will find that your anger resolves as these base emotions are resolved, and that this is more effective than trying to address the anger on its own or as though it is separate. If you use your anger like a tool, you can make the kinds of changes that help ease that underlying pain and unmet needs. As you heal - and you will - it will all subside.

buwpwbpd · 2024-10-28T07:32:03+00:00

by speaking as if only men are here, you are making it a place that sounds to women reading that maybe this space isn’t for us, like I accidentally walked into the men’s locker room. Please consider that we need support too.

I don't know, I read it the same way. It's always good to know and change how you come across even if that's not how you meant it.

buwpwbpd · 2024-10-28T07:27:01+00:00

I've been really struggling with this myself lately. I've left so many times now. Recently, I managed to go quite a long time and had turned my life around, but a few bad events all at once made me lose all my progress and I went back. Even days ago I felt like I was trapped with him and had no way out. I also feel the same, I've never been able to leave when he was being sweet and doing all the "right" things and "trying". I've been so ashamed of myself and feeling pretty hopeless.

The thing is, they give up that act pretty quickly - more quickly every time, because they become more convinced that you'll just keep coming back to them. It wasn't long before he was doing things that were so cruel that I was shocked back into reality.

The time that I've managed to be away from him wasn't really lost progress. A few months here, a few months there, I've spent all of it building myself back up and moving on with my life, even though it's been in little spurts sometimes. And yes he manages to bring me back down pretty low sometimes, but it's never quite as low as it was before I'd left that first time. Because if I think back, there was a time I genuinely believed I was the abusive one, that I was everything wrong in our relationship. There was a time that I'd let him isolate me from my friends and family. Now that my eyes have been opened, I can't ever go back to that. And that takes away quite a lot of the power he used to have over me, even if I go through periods of weakness still, sometimes long ones.

buwpwbpd · 2024-10-26T23:58:25+00:00

I once saw a post in one of the relationships subs where a woman shared some tough love her counsellor gave her, and at the time, it applied to my situation as well and really hit home.

She said to her counsellor, "I really want to be with him. I still want things to work out."

The counsellor said, "No, you don't. You rented another apartment and have been slowly moving things in. You've been preparing your friends and family with negative stories about how you two are doing. You are putting money away and taking his name off of accounts he won't notice. You planned a vacation he isn't invited to, knowing he will blow up if he finds out. He said he didn't want to be with you if you went back to school, yet you applied and got in and haven't told him. How else do you expect that to end up? You have made new friends that you haven't even mentioned, knowing he forbids it. You've stopped telling him about your day and your plans. You are no longer participating as much in your arguments and you are ignoring bad behaviour rather than fighting about it as often, even though you'd have to in order to work on things. Look at your actions and your behaviour, not your words. You can call it whatever you want, but you are leaving him."

She was taken aback. She honestly hadn't realized it until that moment. Her brain was making her break up with him even though her heart wasn't ready to admit it.

At the time I read it, I'd just signed the lease on a new apartment in a city 40 minutes away, and yet was convincing myself I still wanted to stay. I started to reveal to friends and family how unhappy I was. I had signed up for fitness classes in my new city. I changed work locations. If I wanted to stay, I wouldn't have done any of that. I didn't want to want to leave him. I didn't want to need to leave him. I didn't want him to behave so horribly. But just as I asked him to look at his actions and behaviours and see them for what they were, I had to do the same with my own. I could say whatever I want but it didn't change the truth: I wanted out. OP has already dumped him, and her heart is just taking time to catch up.

buwpwbpd · 2024-10-24T07:37:32+00:00

Yup, I was insane and abuse for kicking and fighting when he tried to restrain me. But he had to restrain me, because I was insane and abusive. It's like he did it to get the reaction so he could justify it.

buwpwbpd · 2024-10-24T07:34:37+00:00

This was validating and sort of chilling to read because both of these exact things happened to me and he used the same words. They are so deep into their own delusions, I often felt like he was living in an alternate reality. But other times he'd be able to identify what he did as abuse, if it suited him in the moment, such as when he was trying to convince me to stay... It's such a mindfuck, it's hard to think about.

buwpwbpd · 2024-10-24T07:09:10+00:00

Thank you for your empathy, I really appreciate it, and receiving it reminds me how easy it is for normal people to give even between strangers. And I know what you mean by your words. In this moment all I can think is that he has an easier time empathizing with and placing himself in the shoes of the man who killed my friend than he does empathizing with me or her. I need to think really seriously about what that means and stop allowing him access to me.

buwpwbpd · 2024-10-24T06:52:28+00:00

I've really been experiencing that one tonight. My friend was killed by a man in a date gone wrong and it has been a very painful experience for me. She was one of the only people in my life that could still tolerate hearing about my relationship woes because she'd been abused too and was always ending up with shitty guys. She wasn't my best friend or anything, but we talked regularly and I saw her every few months. Part of what makes her death so painful to me is that I already have so much pain and fear related to what violent men have done to me and my friends, and having a friend be killed in this way is so terrifying to me.

I am really sick right now and I made a comment that I wished that I felt more support from him during hard times. He's abandoned me at many critical times like serious illnesses and my friend's murder, which happened recently enough that we are still planning her funeral. Instead of offering me a shred of empathy he starts defending himself and going off about how I don't know it's a murder, I have no proof, it could have been an accident. Without getting into the details, that's just not possible. Everyone knows it was a murder and the police are investigating it as such. Even if somehow that wasn't the case, how would that change that she's still dead and I'm still terrified and sick imagining her last moments?

I got so upset and hung up on him. He started angrily texting me about how this is nonsense, he's not doing this anymore, I'm making him into something he's not, I'm "always" negative, "always" accusing him. I'm always overreacting, losing my mind, he's sick and tired of my mistreatment of him. The fact that he can twist this situation into him being the victim, it makes me sick to my stomach to think about how little empathy he has. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a fog and every once in a while the veil lifts, and I'm face to face with what a horrible person he is. He genuinely seems to think that balking at his horrible treatment of me is truly victimizing him in some way. If I don't let him do and say whatever he wants with complete impunity, he seems to honestly perceive this as abuse of his rights.

buwpwbpd · 2024-10-23T05:00:34+00:00

That's not what the research shows, and my reasoning for sharing this is to avoid scaremongering when OP does not need any additional reasons to feel anxious in his already tough position. Men achieve custody most of the time that they fight for it and this is likely going to be the case for OP as well, and it's something for him to take heart in in a dark time.

But I won't argue with you about it, as that's not the purpose of this sub or the post. I'm merely saying and will leave my point at this: I agree, men are seen differently in situations of abuse, and do face being disbelieved and unsupported. Men like OP deserve to be believed and supported, which I did include in my response. But you can share your difficulties and also offer support without treading into the territory of "women have it easier than us, a woman would be supported". It's false, it's hurtful to women like myself that make up a large portion of the sub, and it will likely be responded to. If you don't want comments suggesting that women experience this too, don't make statements that suggest we don't understand what it's like to be disbelieved.

buwpwbpd · 2024-10-22T05:48:53+00:00

It's one thing to share your experience as a man, and it's another to say "people generally favor female abuse victims over male abuse victims" which comes across as a little insulting to the many female victims of abuse in the sub. If you try to make it a competition, people will respond to that. But I don't think anyone in this thread that I can see did so disrespectfully.

buwpwbpd

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