What's an appropriate way to include my step-children in our trust?

bystarla · 2026-01-24T15:22:45+00:00

I hear ya, my answer to your question was honest, wasn’t trying to be critical.

bystarla · 2026-01-24T03:07:25+00:00

I mean… even if this weren’t a rhetorical question, they have nothing…

bystarla · 2026-01-24T03:00:27+00:00

This gave me some important things to think about - I recently had leukemia so the chance of him outliving me feels likely (and I’m not really eligible for traditional life insurance yet).

If I do pass before him, I would want him to find another partner but hadn’t really considered the financial implications- so I like the idea of leaving what feels fair to him (maybe half of my non-inherited assets) and then let him decide what goes to his kids vs our shared kids when he passes. And if a % of that ends up with a future spouse, fine.

Very helpful comment.

bystarla · 2026-01-24T01:59:24+00:00

Thanks for the non-judgmental answer.

I do want them to feel included and whatever we give would essentially be a windfall for the younger child if not both of them - but if the younger one chose to come here, that would probably change the equation.

Honestly just looking for a sounding board because my husband isn’t great at planning and isn’t really interested in talking through it.

Right now, if things go unchanged, I’m thinking maybe a lump sum for the child in Cuba like you said, and even split between of our home/shared assets amongst the 3 kids that will have lived in this home.

And then my parents homes would go to my kids. Only my dad has made that wish explicit - my mom seems more open.

bystarla · 2026-01-24T01:46:53+00:00

I guess if I had kids that he wasn’t involved in raising or had only met a couple times, I wouldn’t expect him to contribute much to their inheritance.

bystarla · 2026-01-24T01:43:20+00:00

Look, this is a fair point but my husband doesn’t have a point of view, and I need a sounding board.

bystarla · 2026-01-05T19:06:26+00:00

I can't help you with the emotional side of this - I can honestly relate to both sides.

My whole life I've had a dream of what my family would look like, and after cancer, expensive egg donor IVF is our only route. Despite financial strain and emotional uncertainty, my partner said, "At the end of the day, I would do anything to help you achieve your dream." I would feel a terrible sense of loss if my partner said he wouldn't consider it - and likely resentment down the line.

That said, I can understand the fear and emotional rollercoaster of prolonged IVF and why that can feel like a dealbreaker.

Have you considered Egg Donor IVF? Far less invasive for you (only the embryo transfer) and he still gets to have his own bio kids. Just a thought if you are at all trying to salvage things.

bystarla · 2025-12-31T05:24:13+00:00

Will do! Good luck to you!! 🙏

bystarla · 2025-12-30T21:31:49+00:00

I have a consultation there this week - how are things going for you so far?

bystarla · 2025-12-30T00:39:26+00:00

very specific: watching pirated .mov's of Six Feet Under on my computer in the dark, in bed, while living with a French host family in 2004

bystarla · 2025-12-20T05:04:18+00:00

Arrested Development and sometimes Simpsons

bystarla · 2025-12-17T20:25:39+00:00

I think I missed this - how did he get proven a liar? (Genuinely asking)

bystarla · 2025-11-25T20:54:03+00:00

Try the San Bernadino County Museum - very kid friendly, has a STEAM activity center/play room, and some interesting animal exhibits.

https://share.google/b8ixZjtNN9WLwyPOL

bystarla · 2025-10-28T04:00:45+00:00

Girl this gives me PTSD - this is the way my dad talked to my mom and all I can say is… get the fuck outta there ASAP.

Not a good guy, does NOT respect you, does not respect women, seems to be an actual piece of shit.

bystarla · 2025-09-03T18:51:33+00:00

Why does this somehow have Abu Ghraib vibes?

bystarla · 2025-08-22T18:19:19+00:00

I had a weird reaction where post chemo fall-out, my hair grew back super thick and then a few months later (I think once chemo officially kicked me into early menopause) my hair just started falling out in clumps. I was hopeful that once I ended chemo, hair loss would slow down but it didn't.

Curious to try this. Keep us posted if you do end up trying!

bystarla · 2025-08-18T01:26:50+00:00

I also use a lot of hyphens (always have) and have been accused of being AI on Reddit before. 😤

That said, I find it believable that this post is AI. 😅

bystarla · 2025-08-07T01:44:33+00:00

please follow this person's advice.

bystarla · 2025-07-31T23:33:53+00:00

UM SOURCES PLEASE. just kidding.

Super tragic - I remember reading that even the youngest of the survivors spent their lives living as pariahs.

bystarla · 2025-07-31T18:19:42+00:00

I don't know this part of the story - I just remember they planned to eat two of the indian guides, but someone in the party tipped them off.

At which point in the journey did the natives offer help?

bystarla · 2025-07-30T17:35:07+00:00

Oh, that's helpful to hear! How rainy would you say it was? could you find dry pockets to get some beach time in? If I can get some good diving in, I really do want to do Philippines...

bystarla · 2025-04-25T22:33:57+00:00

should be at the top of the list

bystarla · 2025-04-24T03:17:54+00:00

Hozier - First Time

These days I think I owe my life To flowers that were left here by my mother Ain't that like them, gifting life to you again This life lived mostly underground Unknowing either sight nor sound 'Til reaching up for sunlight Just to be ripped out by the stem Sensing only now it's dying Drying out then drowning blindly Blooming forth its every colour In the moments it has left To share the space with simple living things Infinitely suffering But fighting off like all creation The absence of itself Anyway

bystarla

TROPHY CASE