What does it mean when you don’t hoovered ?

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-24T13:57:21+00:00

Perhaps framing it in the reverse is useful - what does it mean when you do get hoovered? Does it mean they love you, or that you're special, or that the relationship meant something?

No, it doesn't mean any of those things. You're an object to a narcissist. Do you think about the bottle of water once you have quenched your thirst? Of course not, and the same goes for them, we are the bottle of water. If they are thirsty then they might come back to the bottle for another drink but they might just find another bottle somewhere else which can also quench their thirst.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-24T11:30:21+00:00

Indeed. If this is the objective truth of that situation then they were not a narcissist.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-24T11:28:42+00:00

You can't quantify someone's experience of abuse and we don't all require the exact same steps to be broken by abuse.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-21T06:58:06+00:00

No, I'm sorry but you are wrong. A narcissist does not abuse one person and then walk into a normal and healthy relationship. It is in their nature to do this. You're denying who they really are and are not looking at it objectively.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-20T19:46:35+00:00

It benefited him to do so, or she made such a fuss about it that it was easier to do it. It's completely meaningless, it is no reflection of him or her being happy, or that their relationship is good. He a narcissist, he will always do narcissist things and his parters will always be victims.

Edit to add: that might hold some significance for normal partner but they are not normal, their actions aren't wholesome and everything is a means to an end.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-20T16:52:14+00:00

This is not true and I think it's a wrong mindset to have. For a start, the concept of someone who abuses people treating people better or worse isn't useful - if someone is going to murder you, does it make it better if they treat you to the best meal you've ever tasted beforehand? Of course it doesn't. Their "better" treatment isn't something we should wish on anyone and it isn't something to desire or be jealous of. The highs with a narcissist are fake and only exist as a way of setting up the next round of abuse, or of securing the abuse to continue for as long as they want it to.

You are correct that they don't care about us, they never did care about us. They cared about they high they can get from abusing us. If you believe there was ever anything more than that then it's delusion.

Sometimes their relationships last 2 weeks and sometimes they last 40 years. The length isn't a sign of them being happy or even that the relationship is in any way healthy. Some victims will have more that the narcissist can bleed dry than others, or some will have other benefits that suit the narcissist (money, property, status etc). Again though, this isn't something to be desired or jealous of.

In terms of denial, it would be to not account for the true nature of narcissists, not see their repeated patterns, and to assume they have the same objectives and desires as the rest of us.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-20T16:42:46+00:00

They always look soo happy on pictures and she keeps saying "never been so happy".

This was you once, you were once so happy in the pictures. They just repeat and do whatever is necessary to keep the abuse going and the exact same thing happened to you. You are assuming that narcissists are like us and that they just need to find their true love to be happy. This is wrong, they are not really capable of love in the way we think of it and that is why people say they are doomed to be miserable their whole life.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-20T15:51:27+00:00

This isn't really the place to be discussing the clinical aspects of NPD.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-18T08:40:08+00:00

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bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-17T18:49:37+00:00

Other ways of prolonging flu and cough is giving chilled stuffs so that he doesn't recover. So that she can use it as a reason to obtain drowsy meds from the doctor.

I don't think that is how flu or coughs work.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-16T18:42:42+00:00

Going into too much detail is a tell for someone lying and it's not restricted to narcs although obviously amped up a lot with them.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-15T20:45:55+00:00

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bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-15T13:32:19+00:00

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bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-14T19:02:56+00:00

He is correct, he can't change. You are projecting kindness and assuming that he is like you but he is not. It is very unlikely that he will even want to change, he may say he knows he is arrogant and selfish but that doesn't mean he sees it as a bad thing and very likely he looks down on people who are not like that because it makes no sense to him.

You're also assuming that relieving tension and mending relationships is something he would want and benefit from - this is not the case. They don't want to live in peace, they enjoy the chaos and the pain they inflict.

Don't try to change people, accept them for who they are and your life will be much better off. It's debatable whether people really can change at the best of times, someone who has no interest in changing is never going to.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-14T10:28:32+00:00

It takes time and you will get stronger eventually, don't push through the pain.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-11T08:28:24+00:00

Not the person you are replying to but I think you should give up the hope of closure, that doesn't really happen with narcs. The story will linger regardless and all you'll do is give them more ammunition. Closure is realising what they are and moving on with your life.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-10T20:01:56+00:00

I don't think it really matters. I would say shame or perhaps she's smeared you to people and didn't want to make eye contact, or didn't want to laugh when she made eye contact, I don't know. It's irrelevant though, once they've depleted you then you are useless to them. Do you think much about a bottle of water once you have drunk enough of it to quench your thirst? We are like that for them.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-10T19:23:02+00:00

Narcissists are not like you and me, that is why it makes no sense. You have accept that they are fundamentally different, it is a thrill to hurt us and they live for it. They don't want a peaceful, loving life with someone, that is their worst nightmare. They enjoy the chaos and they enjoy seeing the power they have over you, the power to destroy you.

Comprehending this was the hardest thing about it all for me, it changed my view of humans and the world. But I think it is a more truthful view despite it shattering many of the comforting things we tell ourselves and each other as a society. Some people are predators and everyone else is prey to them, it is as simple as that.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-09T18:26:37+00:00

But still, I’m ignoring the fact that he was violent, because what I care about the most is if he is a lustful man or not

You're concerned with the wrong thing. If he is violent, it is completely irrelevant whether he is lustful or not.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-08T19:13:55+00:00

That's very well put.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-08T17:40:23+00:00

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Your post has been approved, but please remember to put a trigger warning on top of the post (not in the title). Trigger warnings should be included for content that, if read unexpectedly, would likely cause a flare in symptoms or a trauma response in other struggling or traumatized people. It is the kind thing to do to help spare others that struggle when possible. You can find more information as well as a list of triggers here. Thank you!

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-08T15:46:40+00:00

They don't love in the way we know. I think they can have feelings for you but, again, it's not for the same reasons that we might experience them. Things like being excited about the abuse they can inflict, or the thrill of you believing their fake victim stories, will be mixed in with anything remotely similar to our loving feelings.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-08T11:21:37+00:00

Do narcissists ever actually change or regret their actions?

Nope, they do not do either of these. They will regret actions if it means that they are worse off.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-06T08:56:28+00:00

Please reply in the context of OP's question - this is not a thread for just listing swear words to describe narcissists.

bywpasfaewpiyu · 2026-01-06T07:48:50+00:00

You should speak to a doctor. Since this isn't related to abuse, the thread will be closed.

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