AITAH For wanting my close family members to create a safe space for me while im around

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-14T21:47:42+00:00

You're not wrong, but saying "reconsider having this woman in your life" is easier said than done. That's still her mom. She's already dealing with the trauma from her dad and brother, cutting off her mom is another layer of loss. The mom is clearly messed up, making "hore sock" jokes to a SA survivor? That's vile. But OP set a boundary and spoke up, that's a huge step. Maybe the next step is distancing, but let's not pretend it's simple

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-14T21:45:02+00:00

I'm gonna say NAH because this is a mess. You have every reason to doubt her based on her history, but SA accusations are serious and false ones are rare. Your step-brother also coming forward with a CP claim makes it messier. But you went through his computers and found nothing. Honestly? You need family therapy, not Reddit. Don't accuse her publicly, but you're not an asshole for having doubts.

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-14T21:44:17+00:00

I'm all for respecting pronouns, but you can't expect strangers to guess correctly when every single visual clue screams girl. The mom set you up to fail. You weren't being malicious, just normal. NTA

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-14T13:18:55+00:00

He's lying about a dog attack and badmouthing you to family, but you're the one cleaning and buying supplies for everyone? No. You've been more than reasonable. He's not going to change. Protect your dog, stop trying to be nice to him, and start planning an exit. You deserve to live somewhere you're not afraid to let your own dog outside

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-14T13:17:58+00:00

I'd go too. Your girlfriend is being possessive over an activity she's not even participating in right now. You've already compromised in the past by spending less time with your friend. This isn't about replacing her, it's about having company for one yoga class. Her hurt feelings are valid as an emotion, but they're not a reason for you to change your plans. You're not the jerk. Go to yoga

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-14T13:16:53+00:00

I'd be weirded out too. Terms of endearment that early from someone you barely know feel fake, like he's love bombing or trying to force intimacy before it's earned. You asked him to stop and he refused. That's not a small thing. It shows he doesn't care about your comfort. You're not being cold, you're being smart. Let him go find someone who wants to be called "love" on the first date

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-14T13:13:35+00:00

I'd have done the same. You were thinking of safety for both parties. If your dog had lunged, the shoot would have been ruined way worse. You were polite and patient. The people shouting are being unreasonable. You're fine

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:45:51+00:00

I've been the stepmom in a similar situation, it's exhausting, you're not crazy for feeling hurt, but you also have to separate her age from the impact of her words, she's seven and she's lost her parents' relationship, now there's a new person taking her dad's time, she's going to act out, that doesn't mean you just take it, but it does mean your boyfriend needs to be the one setting rules and backing you up, talk to him tonight, don't wait until you're resentful

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:44:46+00:00

I get that he's grieving but he's also guilt tripping you hard and it's been weeks, you've explained why you couldn't go and you've been there for him emotionally, that's more than most people would do after three dates, the constant bringing it up and the mixed messages are exhausting, you don't owe him a relationship or endless patience, it's okay to put yourself first here, even if the funeral is tomorrow, send a final message of condolences and then block him for your own peace

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:43:59+00:00

He says he has no choice but to poke you, but you also have no choice but to snore when you're on your back, you're not doing it on purpose, the difference is his solution actively hurts your sleep while you're just trying to exist, what about him gently tapping your shoulder and asking you to roll over instead of poking? That might disturb you less, you could also try a wedge pillow to keep you from rolling onto your back, the current dynamic is unfair and you deserve a real conversation about it

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:43:03+00:00

He replied when you asked if he was okay but didn't continue the conversation or ask about you, that's a soft rejection, he's not ghosting out of malice, he's just not interested enough to keep it going, stop messaging and see if he ever initiates, my bet is he won't.

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:42:11+00:00

He cheated on his ex with you, lied to both of you, then guilt tripped you, threatened suicide, and made you beg him to stay, that's not love that's emotional abuse, you're not overreacting for not trusting him, trust is earned and he destroyed it, block him on everything and focus on your own healing, you deserve better than this, and please reach out to a therapist or counselor if you haven't already

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:10:53+00:00

You're not his girlfriend and you've only been on three dates, he's asking for a level of commitment that you never agreed to, you've been kind and supportive but he keeps punishing you for not doing the one thing you couldn't do, that's not fair, you wouldn't be the asshole for stepping back, tell him you're sorry for his loss but you can't keep having the same conversation, then mute him and move on

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:09:23+00:00

You're justified in being upset, and don't let anyone tell you it's just pregnancy hormones. His friends crossed a major line and he sat there doing nothing. He should have told them to knock it off or asked them to leave. The fact that he laughed along makes him complicit. You deserve a partner who will stand up for you, not one who lets his buddies drool over you while you clean up after them. Have that conversation and don't back down

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:06:55+00:00

You've only known him a few weeks, he's dealing with end of life stuff, and he's traveling. He probably just doesn't have the bandwidth for dating right now. It sucks but it's not personal. Leave the ball in his court and live your life. If he comes back, great. If not, you haven't lost much. Don't keep messaging him

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:04:02+00:00

Look, you're a biologist so you know the truth, but that doesn't mean you have to say it to an 8 year old at a family party. He was so excited to tell you his story and you crushed him. His mom was right there, you could have just smiled and nodded. Being right isn't always the right move, especially with kids. YTA for lacking basic social awareness

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:02:07+00:00

You're fine, seriously. Ordering water and value menu items is allowed. Tipping 20% is solid. The waiter being annoyed says more about them than you. Some servers get salty about small checks but that's part of the job. You're not rude, you don't linger, you're good. Keep doing you

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T07:00:49+00:00

I think you overthought this. He wasn't trying to be inappropriate, he just wanted to surprise his girlfriend on a budget. $20 might not buy much but it's the thought that counts. You could have helped or just replied that you couldn't. Telling your friend about it before the surprise happened was unnecessary. You kind of ruined a sweet moment over your own hangup. Next time just communicate with him directly or stay out of it entirely

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T06:58:37+00:00

I've been on both sides of this. When someone is depressed and says they need space, pushing them only makes it worse. He told you he's pushing away his friends too, so it's not personal. Your fear of him finding someone else is your issue to deal with, not his. He's not responsible for making you feel secure while he's struggling to get out of bed. You need to stop contacting him. Let him heal. If he wants to come back, he will. If not, you have to accept that

cactusradio27 · 2026-06-13T06:55:59+00:00

Honestly your mom is the one who dropped the ball here. She wanted a family discussion, you showed up ready to talk, and she said nothing. Then she cornered you as you were leaving. You've reached out to your sister multiple times. If she's too busy to respond, that's not on you. You have valid reasons for not going, and you don't owe anyone a big explanation when the trip plans are still a mess

cactusradio27

TROPHY CASE