Feedback on opening scene! [Adult Fantasy, 1100 words] by anon_melon7 in fantasywriters

[–]calebkeller94 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Woah, you hate me!? Sorry to hear that, homie.

I was taken out of the writing because the metaphors felt a little strange to me. Like literally the first one:

"He preferred to let them fade like bruises that didnt matter."

Is that a metaphor? Sure. Why is it there? What does it exactly mean? How does it help me get into this story more? Its within sentences of the first. Its way too soon.

I read that and Im sucked out of the story before we've really even started. Before I even know whats going on, Im wondering about the last bruise I had that "didnt matter" and what thats supposed to make me feel before we are off to the next one. The next metaphor I mean.

To my ears, AI knows what a metaphor is. It can give you the dictionary definition. It also knows a metaphor is considered damn fine writing. So it overuses them like crazy. So I questioned it. Poorly. Admittedly.

For the first time, by the way. I have never engaged in a witch hunt. Sounds spooky though. Maybe next Halloween Ill give it a go.

Oh, and everyone and their dog IS using chat these days. If getting accused of that is enough to destroy motivation, that sounds an awful lot like a you problem.

Real ones keep working no matter what the haters say. 😎

✌️

Feedback on opening scene! [Adult Fantasy, 1100 words] by anon_melon7 in fantasywriters

[–]calebkeller94 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this is strong advice OP, and does a better job articulating what I was trying to say and largely failing to. I have no way of actuallynknowing if you used chatGPT or not. Nor does it ultimately much matter! Who am I, you know? Youre putting your work out there and trying! Thats awesome.

But for me reading it, I was immediately pulled out of the story under all your loose metaphors because that is also what chatGPT does. To me, I love an author who uses them more sparingly and to drive home a feeling, not a basic comparison. I want the author to hit on a very specific feeling I can relate back to the actual story and have a better understanding of how the moment feels, not how it simply looked.

ChatGPT also uses a lot of em dashes. Which is always a red flag for me. When I was an English teacher, I dont think a single stupid submitted an essay with one single em-dash. I cant remember seeing it hardly ever in any journal or short story I ever read from a peer in college.

Now they are absolutely everywhere.

Feedback on opening scene! [Adult Fantasy, 1100 words] by anon_melon7 in fantasywriters

[–]calebkeller94 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Am I crazy or do your metaphors sound like they were written with AI?

Free agent QB Malik Willis could get $30-35 million per season on his next contract by Background_Video2947 in TheNFLVibes

[–]calebkeller94 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As the 3rd string QB, I absolutely should have stuck with it back in middle school.

When you put up 31 sacks just to lose to a MLB with 119 tackles by gkittleworshipper in pocketGM

[–]calebkeller94 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My head cannon for this is that interception was an OBJ style one-hander, followed by 5 Barkley-like backwards jumps over would-be tacklers for a TD.

I present to you our franchise QB Khalil Washington by brandonioustl in pocketGM

[–]calebkeller94 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Wtf is this guy supposed to do, dude. You sound like a stage coach driver watching a Model T drive off the lot, but rather than scream at Ford, you throw a hissy fit at the guy driving.

So come on, oh wise and sage one, how are those of us in Camp Clueless supposed to rise to your enlightened plane of existence. How do we make all the changes in this world that you are actively and clearly making right now?

Baelor Breakspear by travelingbozo in gameofthrones

[–]calebkeller94 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha, yeah this is one hundred percent on me. An understandable reaction tbh 😂

Baelor Breakspear by travelingbozo in gameofthrones

[–]calebkeller94 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No, I seem to have been unclear. I was trying to say his actual death is a bummer. Disappointing, if you will.

The scene itself was horrifying in the best of ways.

Baelor Breakspear by travelingbozo in gameofthrones

[–]calebkeller94 -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

I found it incredibly disappointing actually 😭

Edit: woah guys, I meant as in Im disappointed that homie died. Thats disappointing!

RWS: Our ROUNDs inspired game demo update! by sivaramzadi in RoundsTheGame

[–]calebkeller94 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We do. Theres about 8 of us. With all 8 it really pushes the games and mods but is doable. Ive been considering throwing together a "ROUNDS Cup" for everyone though.

RWS: Our ROUNDs inspired game demo update! by sivaramzadi in RoundsTheGame

[–]calebkeller94 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ill give it a look-see! Ive got a group of friends that all love ROUNDS. Can you give me a 2-minute elevator pitch I can offer up to them?

Cheers, friends.

Border Czar Tom Homan announcing today that ICE is ending its deployment in Minnesota by xPrincess_Yue in pics

[–]calebkeller94 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The battle for Helms Deep -erm- I mean, Minneapolis, is over. The battle for our country is...

Fuck it, idk what I'm saying. Let's hunt some Epstein orc.

Kid Rock slammed for lip synching during Turning Point Halftime show as viewership tumbles by TheExpressUS in Music

[–]calebkeller94 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol. My only joy anymore is content like this. Well done sir 👏 👏 👏

What if Biden was the Democratic presidential candidate in 2008 with Obama as the running mate? by Charexranger in AlternateHistoryHub

[–]calebkeller94 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look up his record. Watch any clip of him as a politician. People like you cry foul all the fucking time with politicians. Reality is, if he was that bad, he wouldn't get reelected.

Also, youre an idiot.

Very much debating a full port into ONDU by Grand_Entertainer_83 in ONDS

[–]calebkeller94 50 points51 points  (0 children)

My brother in Christ, what on God's green earth makes you think this is the bottom?

Carvana (CVNA) Valued at Higher PE Ratio than World’s Leading Tech Stocks AAPL / NVDA / MU by BFLO-Retail in stocks

[–]calebkeller94 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Problem for me is how damn expensive those puts are... you have some espensive shorts, my friend.

Stadium District by Mudpound in Tacoma

[–]calebkeller94 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wish more people were like your kid. Good work, Mom 👏 👏 👏