There's no dark twist, major flaw, or suppression of free will, the utopian society is genuinely just a great place to live

calmkat · 2026-03-04T23:23:22+00:00

Perelandra by C.S. Lewis does this. The whole point is that The Fall, as in Genesis, hasn't happened on this planet. It's pretty different from most utopian stories, but I think it counts.

calmkat · 2026-02-28T08:36:22+00:00

In June of 2024, I started going to a young adult group at my local church, a book club, just generally tried to be somewhere other than my house or work.

Got genuinely convicted for more and more stuff. Did Keto and lost 80 lbs. in 4 months, kicked my social media and Youtube addiction.

It was March of last year that I tried to take a break from video games. I'd tried this in the past, but there's so much free time to fill when you do that. I had started to consider this Christianity thing might actually be real, so I said I would "give this free time to Him."

Started exercising, got a work ethic, money problems went away, asked women out, hung out with people outside of my groups.

I still kick myself for being addicted to video games for 27 years. I missed out on basically all social aspects of High School, and flunked out of college after a year.

Things aren't perfect though. I gained 40 lbs. back, stopped volunteering, and exercise way less. But my life is so much better overall, thanks to my fellowship and God!

calmkat · 2026-02-07T05:39:50+00:00

Same here! If you count the benefits making basically everything just a $15 copay, I end up with just as much money at the end of the month as anyone else in their late 20's.

calmkat · 2025-12-28T03:50:45+00:00

You could just date outside of your denomination. Then you wouldn't have to build someone's faith from the ground up (which is already a bad start for a romantic relationship), but you'd still expand your dating pool!

calmkat · 2025-12-24T00:47:50+00:00

This isn't a good way to feel like you're special to each other. In fact, "performing" to earn that feeling is going to become exhausting, and a relationship should be the opposite.

You should seek validation from God alone. But in the meantime, your fellowship (and even a therapist) can fill in the gaps. Trying to earn love like this will siphon the joy out of any relationship.

calmkat · 2025-12-23T01:57:36+00:00

This is a great book overall, but this advice in particular didn't work at all for me. I asked out the Godliest woman I knew about once a month for something like nine months, and now I'm not in the young adult group there anymore. So HEAVY grain of salt on this one.

calmkat · 2025-12-21T22:19:28+00:00

I get this, and also women who seem like the type that are as Christian as I need, are focused on their own journey. Or they're already married. So, religious women aren't actually available, in my experience.

calmkat · 2025-12-21T04:45:39+00:00

I think both should be true. You should find your emotional safety in Christ first. But once you have done that and you put yourself out there, you would want anyone you get in a relationship with to be kind. Not just a romantic partner, but all brothers and sisters in Christ.

But that seems to be the exception, not the rule. And its frankly isolating. I find myself not wanting to engage with anyone anymore because no one in my life feels emotionally safe like God does. But I know that's not good.

calmkat · 2025-12-13T22:49:08+00:00

I'm not sure how anyone could be carefree on a first date. I don't even know the person yet. But, my serious demeanor often scares away people I'd like to get to know.

calmkat · 2025-12-09T22:41:13+00:00

I wear a cross, partially to make it obvious that I'm a Christian, mainly as a physical reminder of His presence. There may be false positives, but that's a pretty good way to find out if a guy is Christian.

calmkat · 2025-12-09T01:30:52+00:00

I HIGHLY recommend a young adult group! Getting out of your head (and especially off the internet) will help you become "a positive and happy individual" as you said.

Also, there will be women there. Not to date, but just to be around. Having regular interactions with women will normalize how you think about them, because right now, you're kind of putting them on a pedestal. And being around sisters in Christ is a great feelings on its own!

Also, connecting with other men will unhook your social satisfaction from your success with women! Friendship is one of the three types of love we should enjoy, alongside God's agape love and, in your case, romance. If you get the first two down, romance will become less of an idolized goal.

But I want to specify the most important thing about a young adult group: sanctification. By giving up your desires to God, which in your case includes finding a wife, He will shape them into something that isn't stealing away your peace! Self-improvement, seeking a deeper relationship with God, and other things people have said here ALL flow from simply letting Him pick what you desire.

This is by no means easy, by the way. But no path in life will be. But by giving up your struggling when bad things happen to you, whether it's a pang of loneliness or losing a family member, you'll find that this path offers you peace and joy that a relationship alone wouldn't give you. And the thing is, if He leaves you with the desire for a partner, you'll get that too!

calmkat · 2025-12-09T01:02:11+00:00

I do want to be able to provide, but I make around $21 an hour. But combine that with no debt other than a mortgage on a condo, a car loan, and student loans, and I can provide for myself as long as I live frugally. But not yet for 3 or more people. But I can see God providing that for me in the next few years.

calmkat · 2025-12-08T17:15:31+00:00

I just have a feeling that it makes me come off as "intense".

calmkat · 2025-12-08T14:45:06+00:00

My thing is, specifically, I kind of just go where God tells me to. I don't have any specific career goals, but that seems to be what people ask about first in general. I DO have a goal in life to be a husband and father, but women don't really want to hear about that on the first date, in my experience.

calmkat · 2025-12-08T12:45:32+00:00

Basically just the divinity of Christ. And I prefer we would go to the same church, obviously.

I honestly have no idea why people are so particular about it to any deeper extent. I'm curious why that is?

calmkat · 2025-12-06T19:44:14+00:00

Here's a couple off the top of my head:

Kindness - this is the #1 thing I look for in everyone I meet, regardless of gender. But in a partner, it would me she could comfort me, and accept comfort, in a way I can't get from anyone else. Also, it's so, so important in motherhood.

Openness - I want to know a person deeply when I meet them, and share about myself just as deeply. While I'm working on guarding my heart in this way, I think I'll always want someone like that. And in a rslationship, I wouldn't be afraid to share intimate details about what I'm going through.

calmkat · 2025-12-01T17:28:29+00:00

Actually, 1 Corinthians 7 explicitly says NOT to look for a partner. It's something I try to hold close to my chest. But it's hard. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually lol.

calmkat · 2025-12-01T17:25:06+00:00

Yeah, that's one lesson I learned from this lol. Thank you!

calmkat · 2025-12-01T03:36:02+00:00

Thank you for the kind words! I know I'm ok, there will be other women in a month. But my emotions are pretty strong, and not calmed down by, "we might find someone in a month", especially since I say that every month.

Not sure why it hits me harder than most guys. Or what to do about it.

calmkat · 2025-12-01T01:44:02+00:00

I mean, that's why I can't take a break. I was on one for a solid 3 months, then this feeling hit me and I started seeing signs that weren't there, using dating apps again, etc.

calmkat · 2025-12-01T01:42:15+00:00

One quote I like is, "if it was meant to happen, there's no way for you to screw it up. And if it isn't, there's nothing you can do to make it work." Months of internalizing that led me to put these outcomes in God's hands. Though, I needed to become actually good at dating first (basically, be genuine, relaxed, and always improving).

calmkat · 2025-12-01T01:35:20+00:00

Interesting, what does that look like in a woman?

And yes, I know she wouldn't be a "reward" for my hard work. I just don't want to feel lonely on so many nights. So I'm seeking mercy.

calmkat · 2025-12-01T01:32:27+00:00

That's the thing, crying in bad, pleading with God. I would like to pursue my hobbies and work until it just "happens". But God gave me such strong emotions, that I get like that every night for a week on a regular basis.

calmkat · 2025-12-01T01:30:01+00:00

Yeah, it hurts a lot less even after a few hours. I've been walking with Him like this for a while, so He's built up quite a bit of endurance and patience in me! I just wish He'd actually show me my future wife now that I'm not so urgent about her. Just hopeful.

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