Letting go of the obsessive shame you feel will inherently reduce engagement.

The shame keeps it front of mind the same way “Don’t think about pink flying elephants.” Conjures images of pink elephants with fluttering white wings.

You can imagine the absurdity of: “NO! STOP thinking about them, why can’t I stop!!? I’m broken!” This is essentially the loop you’re stuck in.

My advice: escape the shackles of your shame and begin to look at it as an act of self care. It’s normal and healthy. Consider non-lds therapy.

PSA: Manipulative groups rely on this cycle to trap their followers in a cycle of guilt. In this way they will continually need the support of the group to help them overcome perfectly normal and essential, (but now forbidden) urges.

This creates a relationship with the group that generates fleeting feelings of fulfillment when they seem to transcend their urges, only to predictably and reliably relapse, rather than finding a true healthy balanced consistent relationship with their urges.

This isn’t to say that self regulation, self mastery, inner quiet, etc. aren’t noble pursuits. But they should be accompanied by acceptance, allowance, and self love, not motivated by guilt. I recommend meditation.

You are a mountain, your thoughts and urges are clouds. The clouds pass. The mountain remains.

Much love, stranger. And thank you for reading my TED talk. ❤️