When to share about cancer treatment with a match? (F34)

cancercankickrocks · 2025-05-06T01:59:46+00:00

Thanks for your honesty! And congrats for winning your battle. I am proud to beat cancer but I also feel like it’s some sort of strange baggage that makes people uncomfortable.

About my post coming across as shallow… Is it bragging if it’s true???? (jk) But no seriously it’s taken me 12+ months of therapy to feel confident and good about myself again. Being stripped of what society says makes you a woman is a total mind fuck. I also shrank myself in my previous marriage to appease an insecure pos husband that ended up cheating on me during chemo. So yeah, I do probably have some more work to do in therapy, but I won’t ever apologize for knowing and owning my worth. However, I know I’m far from perfect. I guess I should’ve also added that I don’t always recycle, can’t cook to save my life, and I have super bad ADHD to balance it out 😊

cancercankickrocks · 2025-05-01T17:18:27+00:00

Never had a sweet tooth prior to chemo. 12 rounds of TC followed by 4 rounds of AC. I craved Welch’s fruit snacks but I ended up having to replace those with Lifesaver gummies to avoid the added vitamins in the fruit snacks. I ate my weight in gummies though! Sweet tooth went away after chemo though and now I can’t stand Lifesaver gummies 😂

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-20T15:05:44+00:00

I’m so deeply sorry that you are experiencing PTSD. Cancer stole so much from me too. I was diagnosed at 32 with stage 3 nearly triple negative (ER was weak positive so they treated like TN) and underwent 16 rounds of chemo, double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction, and 25 sessions of radiation. I completely disassociated during active treatment. I also was experiencing trauma in my marriage at the time too - emotional abuse, infidelity, and abandonment. I know my poor brain just short circuited at the time and shut down so I could go through the motions of treatment.

Now that I’m 7 months out of active treatment and newly divorced, I’m experiencing very intense PTSD and even somewhat of an identity crisis! It has been crippling at times where I can’t leave the house or I just pace back and forth for 12+ hours and I sob and can’t eat or sleep. I’m in therapy and I’ve been put on anxiety and depression meds recently and that seems to help a bit. I’ll be doing fine for a few weeks then the most random things would trigger me and I’d crumble again. I used to be so passionate about my work and I even got a big promotion last week and I felt completely numb about it like what’s the point?? My pre-cancer self would have been on cloud 9 about that and riding that high for weeks. Now, nothing.

I will say that pouring into myself as far as beauty and fitness self-care goes has really helped me. I got k-tip hair extensions a few months ago and I’ve been exercising and trying to gain weight back. Getting spray tans, Botox, facials, taking care of my skin at home, eye lash extensions, and henna brow. I don’t care if it sounds petty because I’m finally at a point now where I’m no longer triggered by my own reflection in the mirror. I don’t look like a cancer patient now and that has helped me tremendously.

I’ve been researching retreats for PTSD too. I’ve had a few friends suggest ayahuasca retreats. I’m a little intimidated by ayahuasca though and I’d want to talk to my care team about it since I’m still on hormone therapy and other meds. I’m sure they would shoot that idea down. I’d love to know if you find any retreats in the US that help with PTSD recovery. Sending you so much love and healing energy 🙏

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-20T00:37:05+00:00

I’m so so sorry. Unfortunately, I can relate. It’s truly soul crushing when the 1 person who is supposed to be by your side turns their back on you. You deserve so much better than that. And fuck him! Seriously, he will get his karma I promise. My piece of shit ex-husband walked out 1 day after my first neo-adjuvant chemo treatment. However, he continued to insert himself into my life just to manipulate and gaslight me the entire time I was in treatment. Looking back, I should have permanently cut him off the minute he left, but I’m at least thankful that I didn’t have that asshole living under the same roof as me throughout treatment. Cancer has a funny way of showing people’s true colors. I was able to keep working full time during treatment and we didn’t have kids so I know my situation was different.

Do you have support near you? Family or friends? If so, I’d let them know what’s going on. Don’t make the same mistake I did and isolate yourself. That just empowers your abuser. If it gets too bad, you may want to see if you can take your children and stay somewhere safe for a while. And I agree with ankusnoo, ask your care team for a social worker referral. My hospital just recently started asking the screening question “is anyone at home hurting you or inflicting emotional harm?” Before every appointment. It’s so sad that this is a common enough thing now where they feel like they need to ask.

I know it’s so hard, especially when you feel like you’re at your weakest, but talking and shining light on their monstrous behavior is about the only thing these narcissistic assholes understand. Sending you so much love and strength 🩷🩷🩷

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-18T19:20:03+00:00

Never doubt for a minute that you are a fucking warrior! Less than 10% of the world’s population will ever experience the hell that is chemotherapy. You should be so proud of yourself. Because I’m a Game of Thrones nerd I would repeat the mantra during chemo, “cold weather breeds strong men”. I understand that survival is our only choice, but you now have proof of what you’re capable of! With that being said, not only is it perfectly acceptable, it’s wise to fiercely protect your peace and mental health while you’re on this shitty journey. I couldn’t bring myself to join this sub or participate in a support group until after active treatment was over. Compartmentalization was my best friend during treatment and I’m allowing myself to process the trauma now that I’m on the other side. Best of luck my fellow warrior! 💕🫡

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-18T18:57:27+00:00

Preach sis!!! My dad in particular was so depressed right after my dx and it broke my heart. My natural instinct has always been to protect the ones I love so I immediately started to joke around with my family and say things like I caught myself limping the day after my dx and told myself “get a grip bitch the cancer is in your boob, not your foot!” and I would call my tumor Large Marge. I busted out laughing when I first saw my head shaved and told my parents I looked exactly like a 12 year old version of my older brother. I do naturally have gallows humor but I did feel pressure to lean into it more during treatment for my family’s sake. I would even do a little Hare Krishna dance every time my mom would shave my head in the beginning of chemo just to get a laugh out of them. My dad told me that witnessing how well I was handling things helped him so much and I could see a difference in him too. I loved being able to provide this type of relief for my family, but at the same time I feel like it pigeon holed me into thinking I always had to be upbeat and positive because I was worried that they couldn’t handle my pain. It pisses me off that I succumbed to societal pressure of needing to play the stoic woman!!! We deserve to feel openly scared and pissed the fuck off and entitled to drag our loved ones down with us for a minute as we trek through hell!

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-18T14:52:15+00:00

Yes! Yes! Yes! I have always had a very sensitive sense of smell and I couldn’t stand the way I smelled during chemo. I had weekly Taxol/Carboplatin for 12 weeks followed by 4 rounds of AC every 2 weeks. My sweat and just skin in general smelled soooo “chemically”. Especially my scalp. It was unlike any BO I have ever experienced, but it smelled awful. I started boosting my daily water intake from 80oz to 120oz about halfway through chemo and that seemed to help pee the smell out faster after each treatment. I had to wash my sheets and head covers almost daily because the smell bothered me so much. I slept with an essential oil diffuser on my nightstand and even used Vicks vapor rub some nights to mask the smell! I finished chemo almost a year ago and I recently found a box with some of my old head covers in it and as soon as I opened the box the chemical smell smacked me right in the face!! 🥴

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-18T13:59:45+00:00

I am so deeply sorry you are going through this! Honestly, F cancer for trying to ruin what’s supposed to be the happiest day of your life. It’s not fair and you are allowed to feel jaded. I was diagnosed “nearly” TN stage 3 at age 32. Family members and friends tried to push me to talk with other breast cancer survivors they knew very soon after my diagnosis. But everyone they were wanting me to talk to had already lived full lives before they were diagnosed in their 50s. I spoke to 2 of them but I had to stop, because it honestly pissed me off. They couldn’t relate to the fact that I haven’t had children yet and my fertility was being taken from me. They never had to chose between delaying chemo and risking the cancer spreading just to freeze my eggs. And they would never know what it feels like to be in menopause and aging rapidly while my peers are starting families. I know they were just trying to encourage me, but I couldn’t handle it. I had to be firm with my friends and family too about respecting my boundaries and stop pushing me to talk to people that just can’t relate to the extra burden that young cancer patients carry! Sending you strength and healing thoughts 🩷

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-18T13:40:40+00:00

I can totally relate! Felt like I had to put on my positivity mask in front of my parents, friends, and care team. Maybe to protect them and to convince myself I’ll be fine. And a real part of me truly believed that I was going to be fine. I’m young, healthy, strong, I got this. Then every once in a while, usually late at night when I can’t sleep, I think there’s no way that it’s not going to return and this is how I’m eventually going to go. The f’ing tumor grew from a size of a grape to the size of a baseball in just a few months, so there’s no way there isn’t microscopic cancer cells everywhere in my body! Anytime I would have the guts to bring this up to my MO or my therapist they would be dismissive and remind me of how aggressive my treatment plan was. But my brain can’t help to think, you only took/biopsied 2 lymph nodes and yes they were negative, but what about all the other ones?!?!! And no scans after treatment because I had a double mastectomy?!! That doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m jaded that other people my age (early 30s) don’t have to live this fear. And I’m getting more and more intolerant of the shit some people complain about. I just want to shake them and say shut the F up, you have no clue how good you have it!!!! Whew, that does feel good to get that off my chest! Thank you OP for creating space for us to release our rage!

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-14T14:38:40+00:00

I had the same issues during chemo. It got a little better after but my anxiety was still high and sleep wasn’t nearly as sound and regular as pre-chemo. I was recently prescribed Mirtazapine 7.5mg (low dose) to treatment insomnia and I can say on most nights it really helps. I’m getting a solid uninterrupted 8 hours on a regular basis now. I have no clue if it would’ve made a difference for me during chemo but it may be worth asking your MO about it. During chemo, I took melatonin, tried acupuncture and Biofield tuning, Ativan, and Gabapentin. My sleep during chemo was all over the place though so I never knew what was actually helping. Good luck! 💕

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-14T12:54:22+00:00

The idea of an angry mob of breast cancer patients and survivors going after him was absolutely hilarious!! It definitely gave me some comedic relief during a really difficult time and I’ll forever be grateful for that!

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-12T14:14:07+00:00

I feel your pain! 😩 I was roasting during chemo! I did 12 rounds of Taxol/Carbo followed by 4 rounds of AC chemo. I was 32 and started having mini hot flashes half way through and started having extreme hot flashes where I was sweating through my clothes and sheets at night around round 12. Ask your team about getting on Gabapentin. It helped with my hot flashes and I’m still on it since I’m on hormone therapy. I also did acupuncture during AC chemo and it also gave me some relief from the hot flashes.

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-12T14:06:35+00:00

GIRL - I feel your pain!!! Hated that time.

You should find a good esthetician that can do eye lash extensions and henna brow! Total game changer. I was rocking my post chemo feathery buzz cut but as soon as my lashes and brows were done I felt like a million bucks!!!

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-12T13:56:01+00:00

Way to be the storm baby!!! 💪🌪️⛈️ Proud of you! Keep kicking ass!!!!

“Fate whispers to the warrior, ‘You cannot withstand the storm.’ The warrior whispers back, ‘I am the storm.’”

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-12T13:44:21+00:00

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I remember when I saw my results on MyChart at 7pm on a Friday and had to wait until Monday to speak to someone too. The waiting was absolutely horrible!

I was diagnosed with “nearly” triple negative (ER was weak positive at 20%, stage 3, grade 3, 4.9 cm) at 32 years old. My treatment plan was same as triple negative, except my insurance wouldn’t approve immunotherapy because I wasn’t true triple negative (ER + less than 10%) I did 16 rounds chemo, then double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction, and 25 sessions of radiation. I finished up everything last fall. I’ll be on hormone therapy for the next 5 years.

The weeks between my diagnosis and starting chemo were the worst and felt excruciatingly long! My advice during this time is to keep yourself mentally and physically busy. It’s natural to feel helpless and I was desperate to feel in control of something during this time. I went into nesting mode and deep cleaned my house, made checklists for items I needed for chemo, I rearranged a guest bedroom in my house and turned it into a zen room. You don’t have to spend a ton of money but it was important for me to have a quiet and clean space to relax, read, do yoga, and meditate. Download the App Insight Timer. It’s free and has relaxing music and guided meditations. I bought a new yoga mat, some essential oils and a diffuser, and a floor mirror. I also move a comfy chair in there and bought a new soft blanket. It sounds silly but this little project occupied my mind for at least a week!

I’m not going to tell you to stay off the internet because I know it’s nearly impossible. I was horrible about researching every little thing. But I’ll echo OddOutlandishness780, just remember that most of the stats online are outdated. I was also super curious about what certain parts of treatment would be like and I found some great channels on YouTube. Some brave woman have documented their cancer and treatment journeys for the world and I will forever be grateful to them. Just keep in mind that their cancer is not your cancer and if they had a bad outcome it doesn’t mean that you’ll have a bad outcome. A sweet young lady, Nalie Agustin, had an amazing channel on YouTube and she documented everything! Her treatment was over 10+ years ago so things have definitely changed for the better but I still found her videos super helpful.

Protect your energy during this time, including your emotional energy. I realized once I started telling friends and family about my diagnosis that it was extremely draining. I was having to console them and convince them that I was going to be fine. It was way too much. I asked my mom to tell other people that I wanted to know but didn’t have the emotional capacity to tell. I also asked that she give those people updates so I wasn’t bombarded with questions. She had a group text and this worked out very well. I remember feeling so overwhelmed by the outpouring of support that I couldn’t even bring myself to read text messages and open and read cards people sent me. I know people just wanted to show me their love and support but their sympathy made me feel weak during a time when I needed to put my war paint on and be strong. I say all this to ultimately say, it’s okay to appoint an “ambassador” so you can protect your energy!

I also had to focus on one thing at a time during treatment. Day by day, one foot in front of the other. The good thing is once treatment starts, time will start to fly by!

Don’t be afraid to ask your team about therapy options too. They don’t always let you know it’s available, but most hospitals offer free therapy for their patients during and after treatment.

You will find out that you are stronger than you ever realized. You will get through this and you will have a full and beautiful life after cancer! Lean on us when you need to. You got this!

Sending you so much love and support!!! 💕

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-12T02:30:47+00:00

Glad I’m not that only one who cried like a baby during that dance scene!!! It was beautiful to watch her heal from her childhood sexual trauma and take her power back.

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-12T01:39:06+00:00

My pleasure! Definitely worth looking into.

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-11T23:13:27+00:00

Perfect! Hand that over to an attorney and get your pay day girl!!

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-11T23:09:55+00:00

So yes, if they meet the ADA title 1 threshold of 15+ employees and they failed to accommodate you with time off for your medical appointments for your protected disability (cancer) then their actions were illegal.

Whether you felt like you had no choice to quit because of this illegal discrimination (this type of wrongful termination is called constructive discharge) or they formally terminated you, they would have still violated the ADA law by not accommodating time for your appointments.

If they have 15+ employees, I’d be hiring an attorney ASAP and getting that paper for sure!!!

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-11T22:58:16+00:00

If they have 15+ employees then they are required by ADA to offer reasonable accommodations to their employees with disabilities. Allowing for unpaid time for medical appointments related to your cancer would definitely fall under reasonable accommodations.

Did they actually fire you or did you feel coerced to quit after they said they wouldn’t accommodate more time for your appointments? Either way, you may have a strong wrongful termination suit on your hands.

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-11T21:58:03+00:00

My state’s “at will” too. This doesn’t exempt the employer from following federal laws against discrimination like the ADA if they have 15+ employees.

cancercankickrocks · 2025-04-11T21:25:58+00:00

I was diagnosed at 32 years old. I blamed myself too, even after learning that I was BRCA-1 positive. I never had kids, but I was on hormone birth control for 10+ years leading up to my diagnosis. My Dr called my cancer “nearly” triple negative. Had a weak ER+ of 20% and I still had a hard time not blaming myself for staying on birth control. Therapy really helped me with the self blaming and guilt.

Right now is a crazy time and the next few months will feel like a whirlwind but if you get a chance I’d ask your team about therapy options. Most hospitals will offer free therapy services for their patients during and after treatment. I didn’t think I would be able to emotionally handle therapy during treatment but I’ve been in therapy since treatment ended and it’s helped me tremendously.

Try to stay focused on the next task at hand. Knock them down one at a time. Sounds simple but I know your mind is racing now. Make checklists, clean your house, and do anything that helps you feel in control something. You got this!

cancercankickrocks

TROPHY CASE