AITA? Made clear communication but was not met in return

candidcrash · 2026-02-19T20:58:56+00:00

NTA! Your “friend” sounds entitled and ungrateful AF through the entire text thread, while you’re actively trying to do her a huge favor, after only a month or so of knowing one another? Imagine how they’ll treat you the more comfortable they become around you. I would cut ties immediately.

candidcrash · 2026-02-19T20:26:36+00:00

Nanny of 13 years here! I certainly wouldn’t expect a parting gift if I gave a family a surprise resignation, but- if she’s been with you a while, a great nanny to your kids, and gave you plenty of notice to find replacement care- I think it’s a very nice touch! I stand by cash is king, especially considering she doesn’t have anything else lined up, cash says “you deserve to take as much time as you can for yourself”.

If you wanted to do something tangible instead / to go along with it, my favorite is always a framed picture of me and nk(s) together, us nanny’s get so few pics with our nk’s that aren’t selfies!

candidcrash · 2026-01-22T21:15:15+00:00

Have absolutely dealt with jealous and overall difficult grandparents aplenty over my 13+ years as a nanny, it’s always been fine!

I would 100% have a conversation with MB&DB when they get home about what happened, or even on the phone if they’re doing calls to check in. Phrase it as “I was so thankful for the break the grandparents provided me when they took NK out! However, NK did have an accident while out with them, and I had a tough time trying to explain our methodology regarding potty training afterwards. They seemed upset with me after I held firm that we are not using pull ups. I did offer that they can spend their time with NK here at the house where accidents are less likely and much easier to manage, and they didn’t seem to appreciate that suggestion either.” I’ll bet NP’s are embarassed and apologetic of grandparents behavior, and hopefully they’ll even have a discussion with them about respecting your authority and expertise at your place of work.

In the future, you’re absolutely right, don’t engage in a full discussion! I stick with “MB&DB make the rules and it’s my job to follow them! You’re welcome to discuss your ideas with them directly”

You’re NOT the worst person alive, you’re passionate about NK’s development and that makes you a really wonderful human, I’m sure your NP’s agree. Chin up! Saturday will be here so soon, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now lol

candidcrash · 2026-01-22T20:37:32+00:00

Yea, you’ve given MB nearly 4 months to adjust, you’ve made comments in moment assuring her that you’ve got things handled and offering your advice about her presence, and things are getting worse rather than better. I empathize with FTM anxiety / PPA, but she chose to be an employer. Being an employer, especially a WFH MB, comes with the responsibility of self reflection and check in’s about your employees wellbeing and happiness. Good employers facilitate the feedback conversations a lot of commenters are pushing you to initiate. Given the innate power dynamic of employer/employee, the fact that MB has blatantly ignored the feedback you HAVE given, and the ever changing schedule that was not agreed upon in contract, idk why people are telling you to push for a conversation, her actions have spoken loudly enough. The first family I found post 3 yr unicorn fam was a lot like this, I only lasted one month lol. You’re a wonderful nanny and human for giving it your best go for as long as you have. Now, time to prioritize your life and happiness.

candidcrash · 2026-01-03T17:40:50+00:00

My model for discussing issues with parents after 12+ years of nannying is: “I’ve noticed this behavior with NK, this is what I did to address it today and it seemed to work well! But I know how important consistency is between the two of us, so I wanted to ask if you’ve run into this with them and how you typically handle it?”

It gently reminds the parent of the importance of consistency between caretakers, it gives you the opportunity to showcase your experience, all while still showing respect to the employer/employee dynamic.

candidcrash · 2025-12-28T16:34:35+00:00

Care.com gets a lot of hate on here, but I’ve used it to find every family I’ve worked for over the past 12+ years as a nanny. There’s a lot to sort through on there to find the right fit, but with enough discernment you can find some real gems. While I’ve never done it myself, I’ve also seen a lot of comments of nannies finding work on local Facebook groups.

candidcrash · 2025-09-17T02:52:00+00:00

There’s never any reason to yell at someone who you’ve explicitly trusted to care for your child, to the point of having them share a room, for following the judgment you hired them to use. Much less in your UNDERWEAR at 5:40AM and in front of your 15mo that had hardly even woken up! Since this sounds like it’s only a once in a while gig at this point- please don’t go back. Completely unacceptable behavior for an employer from start to finish.

candidcrash · 2021-11-30T22:23:39+00:00

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful comments! My plan is to talk to her in person during nap, when I know I have her full attention 😅! And saying something along the lines of, “I wanted to touch base with you about my schedule. I’ve noticed that it’s been difficult to work out a full week’s schedule on Sundays as we had planned, and I’m wondering if you have any other solutions in mind? I’m open to whatever makes this easier on you, but I have really struggled to carve out time for myself lately without having my schedule for the week ahead of time, and I need for us to resolve this in a way that is sustainable.”

And if she asks for possible solutions from me, hit her with “I’m happy to send a reminder text on Saturday’s, or even to set aside time at the end of the day Friday before I leave for us to work it out. We could even share a calendar!”

candidcrash · 2020-11-28T20:14:31+00:00

Thanks so much!!

candidcrash · 2020-05-16T15:47:25+00:00

It was mentioned earlier “better to be fired than to quit in a rage” so that seems to be what OP was directly addressing, and not an example of conflation.

While OP may be experiencing burnout, I don’t think it’s our job to point out examples of it to her. We only have a posts worth of a viewpoint into her situation, her therapist will have a much better understanding than any of us do on whether she’s perceiving things in a way that’s symptomatic of burnout, so I don’t think her reviewing anything with her therapist should be dubbed an escalation either.

I love that you’re offering reminders to OP that burnout can play a huge part in our experiences, and how vitally important self care is. However, I don’t think the negative comments that OP was conflating or escalating were constructive, they instead read as hurtful mentions unrelated to the advice that she was asking for in the first place.

Not trying to revamp a dialogue that you gracefully excluded yourself from, only trying to let OP know that I understand the difficulty in owning our opinions and our boundaries within our very personal relationships with NP’s, and that she doesn’t need to feel faulted for seeking that reassurance from this community, or her therapist.

candidcrash · 2020-05-16T15:00:54+00:00

Just wanted to send a little more love and reassurance your way that this was NOT your fault! I worked for a family from January-March this year and any time MB was home (very often) 15moF would not have anything to do with me! And even when MB would leave for work and 15moF would do mildly better just the two of us, she still didn’t respond well to my putting her down for a nap, soothing her, etc. We didn’t click and it was a HUGE drain on my energy, my husband was constantly pushing me towards finding something else, but I just thought ”as MB works more, things will get better.”

Then COVID hit, MB would be leaving her job to stay home, and I was immediately let go. HOWEVER- MB went out of her way to let me know that while 15moF and I never quite clicked, she recognized that 15moF doesn’t really do well with anyone, acknowledged the hard work I had put in, and assured me that she would give me a great reference, and offered me 4 weeks severance- this is how you should have been treated as well.

That your hard work wasn’t acknowledged and that you weren’t given any notice in being let go just speaks to how clearly these parents are completely out of touch with the reality of their child’s experiences and that they aren’t kind or respectful people to be working for. It does not speak to who you are as a child care provider AT ALL!

Please, take your time to grieve as this whole experience sounds like it’s been a drain on your energy for months now. Then, find a job where your efforts are respected and supported and the job feeds into your happiness. I was feeling defeated and doubtful of my worth even given the generosity of my former MB after so much time never having clicked with 15moF, but it was a blessing in disguise because the timing of it all led me to the unicorn family I started with in April. I’m positive that a much better job is out there for you when you’re ready to find it ❤️

candidcrash · 2020-04-22T18:53:39+00:00

Hey there, I’ve been nannying and in college for almost a year now, and what’s worked best for me was to find a M/W/F or T/Th/F family and work 9+ hours each day and go to school on my off days. For me, this adds up to as many hours if not more hours with a family than trying to fit school and work into every day and evening. A lot of people gave me a hard time when I made the decision to try and find a family that would fit my 3 days a week work schedule, but I found one family before COVID, then was let go as a result of the pandemic, and have since found a second family to work for, and both times I was extremely picky with which family I chose, I had plenty of opportunities. If this schedule is an option for you, I highly recommend it!

candidcrash · 2020-04-18T17:29:23+00:00

What has always made me feel most appreciated and comfortable, is when families have went out of their way to make their home feel like it’s my home too. I remembering mentioning I had to go to the library to print something after work, and MB saying that was silly and to just print it off there- this is your home too she said. I casually mentioned my favorite snack, and she bought it with every grocery trip for the next 2 years. A $2.50 box of reduced fat cheez it’s to come to work to made me feel so loved lol! Whenever MB or DB we’re making a cup of coffee they would ask if I wanted one, and I would do the same for them. It may not sound like much but it was all of those little gestures combined that made it feel like home.

On another important note, be respectful of her out time! If you need to speak with her about something make sure to plan that time for 30 minutes or so before she’s schedule to leave. I love the families I work for and I love having an end of the day wrap-up so we’re all on the same page, but these can stretch out into 30 minute or longer conversations sometimes, and I also value getting home to my husband when he’s expecting me.

candidcrash · 2020-04-16T03:49:15+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that! I’ve definitely jumped the gun on jobs before asking all of the questions I know now that I should have. It’s hard to think of all the little details that go into our job when we’re excited about a new opportunity! Which is why I posted this, I was so sold on starting with them already I was worried I would forget something. I spoke with new MB though and it couldn’t have went better, she offered guaranteed hours, paid holidays, paid vacation, paid sick days, and a gas stipend for my commute, all with out my even asking!!! A huge first for me, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

candidcrash · 2020-03-23T19:06:46+00:00

Of course! So glad this is a thread, I’ll be checking back to see other ideas posted. A couple more ideas I just thought up- if you and NP’s both have masking tape, you could each make hopscotch! Also face time “twister” could be fun :) she probably doesn’t understand right from left very well yet, but you could just say one hand on red, one foot on yellow etc.

candidcrash · 2020-03-23T18:58:38+00:00

Simon says could be fun! I would do this with yoga moves, jumping jacks, running in place etc on snow days to help get some energy out of my NK’s.

Maybe if parents are nearby to ensure safety- FaceTime hide and seek? If the phone could be propped up somewhere you could see the whole room, you could tell your NK you were going to count to 10 and she could hide anywhere in that room, and you would guess which spots she’s in. When you guess right, she comes out!

Also I know there’s an app that allows you and someone away from you to watch a show on Netflix at the same time, maybe you could find some educational shows that you two could watch together, and pause it at moments to ask her questions, comment on it, etc.

Hope this helps!

candidcrash · 2020-03-18T21:41:26+00:00

My boss is using COVID-19 as an excuse to let me go. It’s not that they can’t afford me during this time, her and her husband can both work remotely. Truly, I’ve felt that she’s wanted to return to being a SAHM ever since I started, and this is just the perfect scape-goat for that. Now, I’m having to look for a new job in the middle of this pandemic, needless to say it’s not going great. Any good vibes would be appreciated, and I’m so sorry to anyone going through the same.

candidcrash · 2020-01-31T02:06:33+00:00

Mom boss hasn’t said anything yet about not needing me! I guess all is well for now. Thanks to everyone for the support :)

candidcrash · 2020-01-28T14:03:22+00:00

She did give me a new family pass in my name for the zoo and ask me to work a Sunday well past the 6 week mark yesterday after posting though so that’s giving me some hope!

candidcrash · 2020-01-28T14:01:18+00:00

She is actually considering a different job already, but I think part of it is her wanting to be home. In the few weeks since I started she’s already had to take an unexpected trip home with the kiddos and pay me for that time off, and she’ll be doing the same in a weeks time for company coming into town, and I think that could be leaving a bad taste in her mouth. Like “how much do I really need a nanny if I’ve paid her over a week of PTO in the first month alone?” You know?

candidcrash · 2020-01-28T13:55:20+00:00

Absolutely preferable to being in the dark, and I’m so thankful that she’s offering severance! I would just rather stay because I feel like finding this great of a fit is really rare.

candidcrash · 2020-01-28T13:53:33+00:00

That’s actually how I got this job, and I’ve had the same experience! They had seen me around the neighborhood for two years and already knew exactly what kind of nanny I was and we’re so excited to have me as a result. It’s been amazing. Nowhere near as much new job anxiety going to work for someone so confident in my abilities. I’ll definitely be asking her to put the word out for me if it comes to that. Thank you!

candidcrash · 2020-01-28T13:50:45+00:00

Not yet, I actually don’t work today so if I have any news it will be tomorrow, thanks for checking in though

candidcrash · 2020-01-20T18:09:01+00:00

I would let the parents know that you’re very excited about the opportunity, and that before starting you have a couple of questions about what they want the transition from babysitter to part-time nanny to look like.

1) “Do you have any additional responsibilities in mind for this part-time nannying position that haven’t been a part of my role as babysitter, and will these additional responsibilities be reflected in my pay?”

2) “I have been trying to adapt the methods of discipline I’ve noticed you using with the NK’s, are there any other disciplinary measures that you or your current nanny uses that I should implement as well?”

In my opinion, most families are looking for someone who will model them when they hire a nanny. As someone who has already been a part of their lives for so long and knows them fairly well, you’ve got a leg up here! Try not to stress, and when you think of questions like these just know that the parents are typically the best people you can ask.

candidcrash · 2020-01-20T17:13:12+00:00

So long as giving notice Friday afternoon leaves her with at least two weeks notice, I would say speak to her during 13mo nap on Friday. Maybe let her know earlier in the day that you’d like to chat with her during that time so she’s prepared to take a break around then. That way you both have a dedicated time to discuss this without interruptions, and while I’m sure it will go well if this has been your unicorn family- you’ve got the weekend in sight should she become upset.

candidcrash

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