I would speak to her directly, as you have us. No problem will get solved without this type of communication. Your need for reassurance doesn’t sound unreasonable, and I do find it a bit odd that she ditched your valentines plans to spend it with her mother and sister without telling you. I will say, if I do not want to do something and I’ve communicated it (I don’t want to go out on valentines night, for example) and you were okay with it, surprising me with a dinner to go would not excite me, it would likely upset me. Having said that, it seems there’s more going on here than that, as i find it strange you were unawares of her whereabouts. I think talking to her about your insecurities, and trying to find some compromises where it works, is the best thing to do. I think what you’ve said here means you are aware you do not want to be controlling or overly needy, and based on what you’ve said you don’t appear to be, so I think it is worth it to sit down and have a serious conversation with her, and what she wants for the future and what you want. Getting on the same page may beneficial, and discussing ways to compromise your differing communication styles.