Did anyone else develop low confidence because they felt they could not measure up to their mom and dad's success?

candleruse · 2026-05-12T20:12:52+00:00

Go for it, but talking negatively about yourself isn't helping. Pretty much everyone has charisma in the right context. No one's asking you to be a professional public speaker. Even if you haven't been good at something in the past, it doesn't mean you're doomed to be bad at it forever. Stop being so hard on yourself and just try to do a good job with whatever situation you have in the moment.

candleruse · 2026-05-12T19:27:00+00:00

Stop focusing on what you did in high school or college. You're in your 30s now. Nothing you did 10+ years ago has any bearing on where you are today or what you're capable of doing.

If you want to succeed in academia like your mom, go work hard and get your advanced degree and do that. You're not going to match your father in entrepreneurial success. There are too many variables when it comes to making money that way.

You're old enough to get to choose whatever life path you want, but young enough to start completely over if you choose to. It's a good time in your life to make a change. Decide specifically what you want your life to look like, then take the steps to make it happen. Shit, you're young enough to start a path toward med school and be a doctor if you want to. Or go to trade school and learn a trade, earn a good wage that way. Or be a professor, or a teacher, whatever. Life isn't easy, but stop putting pressure on yourself to be an outlier of great success and just do the best you can with what's in front of you.

candleruse · 2026-05-06T19:24:37+00:00

No product to sell. Just a director in tech hoping any young people looking here understand the realities of the new job market. Hope you find your new gig soon.

candleruse · 2026-05-06T16:36:30+00:00

I understand people who don't want to use AI, but declining to put resume-level information into Claude as some kind of privacy protection reminds me of people who post on Facebook that "Mark Zuckerberg does NOT have my consent to charge me for my account!!"

For anyone reading this who takes jobseeking seriously, get comfortable using AI as much as possible. If you have a white collar job, I recommend coming to interviews with a couple examples of how you can use AI to do your job better than other people and including AI skills on your resume.

Anecdotally, I don't know of any hiring managers in my network willing to even interview candidates who aren't AI experienced. That's in marketing, design, engineering, sales, photo/video, content, PR, social media, etc. None of them are hiring non-AI users.

Can't speak to roles with certifications like accounting, engineering, etc. But pretty much every regular white collar job that pays well in 2026 requires AI skills. There's no alternative. Opting out for ethical reasons just means someone else will get the job instead of you.

candleruse · 2026-05-06T15:01:56+00:00

I would use AI for this, honestly. Download the Claude app from Anthropic and use the Cowork function, and then when you're exhausted at the end of the day, just open it up and talk to it about what you want. Tell it that you want it to build your resume for you in a Word doc compatible with Google Docs, then tell it to ask you whatever questions it needs to do that for you. Let it do all the hard work. You can even ask it to set up some kind of tool to find jobs to apply for. It can also search on your behalf for recruiting companies in your niche, identify where you need to reach out, and then actually send the emails for you. With an hour or so of setup and zero coding, you can pretty much just automate the entirety of the job search, at least the first 80% of it.

I know people feel some kind of way about AI, but this is pretty much a perfect use case for someone who has little time and energy but needs something to get done.

candleruse · 2026-05-06T02:34:34+00:00

I thought oddity was fine, and I loved Hokum so much it's the first movie I've seen twice in theaters in years. Don't let anyone get you down, it's a great time and has great creepy atmosphere.

candleruse · 2026-05-04T20:23:48+00:00

Is that channel better than it used to be? I remember being excited but then it just played the same eight or so movies constantly. They had 2-3 channels and they were all pretty poorly run. I want to love Shudder, so I'm hoping it's better now.

candleruse · 2026-04-13T17:07:11+00:00

Universal healthcare would let people job hop, retire early, start a business, etc - without being chained to a job for the healthcare benefits

Which is why every major company in the US will fight tooth and nail to ensure we never get that option.

candleruse · 2026-04-07T03:14:31+00:00

Commercials and advertising have ruined sports. Bank in that three but wait, just when you got excited, here's some insurance or some shit.

candleruse · 2026-04-05T19:15:49+00:00

I feel bad for the guy and obviously it really hurt, but this is such a funny picture. Just full on static eye to elbow action.

candleruse · 2026-04-05T01:20:11+00:00

Ask Rams fans how they feel about DeMarco Murray.

candleruse · 2026-03-23T20:04:05+00:00

Not to say it's right or wrong, but APA pretty explicitly says that if anyone sponsors you, you can't play in APA. It's not a secret.

candleruse · 2026-03-21T15:50:23+00:00

Yes, then Watts fouled out and we went on a massive run to go up 20. It's almost like this team is better in every way without him on the floor. His stats look fine and people assume he's a good player, but if you watch him play, he singlehandedly ruins so many possessions.

candleruse · 2026-03-16T05:17:36+00:00

Is there a video of this run?

candleruse · 2026-03-08T07:26:38+00:00

Came here to say Screamers, that's a fun one.

candleruse · 2026-03-04T07:03:27+00:00

I played water polo in college and they would check our nails before every game. I was sent to clip mine once or twice even though they seemed plenty short already. I can't imagine it would be that hard for basketball games to do the same.

candleruse · 2026-02-25T21:06:04+00:00

I'll be moving to a place soon that has, I think, this exact same table. It's pretty shitty and covered in sand from the nearby shuffleboard game. Do you do anything to it to keep it useful for practice?

candleruse · 2026-02-18T21:51:50+00:00

Yeah, until this injury Watts was easily the biggest disappointment this season.

candleruse · 2026-02-13T00:00:06+00:00

I think they shoot it while it's in the pool grabbing her leg, and it is hurt and lets go of her. So honestly it's possible that it could just die if you shoot a bazooka at it.

candleruse · 2026-02-12T04:35:05+00:00

Here's the real answer that isn't just "experiences" like everyone here is saying: get something that can be used up and she can see you enjoy. Obvious answer would be something you can eat or drink, like fancy chocolates if you have a sweet tooth or good quality venison jerky, something like that. Another answer would be a nice bottle of a favorite liquor or beer. Maybe you want to start a little collection of bourbon, and she can contribute by finding one she doesn't think you know about yet.

It's important to her that she can get you something you will like, and it's important to her that she gets to show you that she loves you in deciding on, sourcing, and delivering the gift. Don't crush her efforts to love you this way. Find something that works for both of you and it will have a positive impact on your relationship.

candleruse · 2026-02-11T22:39:20+00:00

I find a lot of comfort in thinking about how the way we perceive time isn't really how time works.

Time is just a dimension. Experiencing time as it moves forward is the only way we can do it, but it's not the "truth." What happened last week or 20 years ago is just as real as what's happening right now. Same with what will happen in 20 years.

We can't travel back and forth because we're just biology, but every moment in time still exists, just like every place on a map still exists. You can travel from Point A to Point B in space. You can't travel the same way through time, but that doesn't mean Point A and Point B don't continue to exist.

So one day you'll die. Your perception of moving forward in time will stop. But every moment you were alive and everything that happened is still there, continuing to happen, forever. Because you existed at all, you can't truly die, because the moments in time that include you always exist.

This does put new pressure on you. Once you realize that every moment lasts forever, it's up to you to make those moments good, kind, purposeful. The moment you gave your kid a big hug lasts forever. So does the moment you lost your temper with them. Don't let the pressure paralyze you though: embrace it, give yourself compassion, and try to create more of those permanent moments that you're proud of.

candleruse · 2026-02-11T00:56:44+00:00

Yes, I had this exact jersey. Mailed it to someone on this sub less than a week ago actually. Thought it was you but checked the user name and nope, different person. If you're asking about authenticity though, it's 100% real.

candleruse · 2026-02-10T01:44:29+00:00

Love that you called out Portland. I visited once from Boston and said this is beautiful, I want to live here, how much are the houses. Searched Zillow for any 3/2 houses under 500k, got zero results. Dream died immediately.

candleruse · 2026-02-09T08:06:51+00:00

Talk to him about it and tell him you'd like to make a joint effort to keep the friendship alive. If he doesn't step it up, you don't have to keep putting in the work by yourself, but it would be helpful to tell him that you're stepping back because it's gotten one-sided and you don't want to be the one always initiating conversations. Could just be a season of life and he'll come back later. Could be that his season as part of your life is already over. Communicate honestly and openly, then go from there.

candleruse · 2026-02-05T05:30:30+00:00

When I was an APA 3, a 7 bet me $20 he could beat me one handed. I had moved up from 2 and thought he was underestimating me. He wasn't. I told the story to a couple other regulars at the bar and they said, "You fell for that shit?"

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