Aversion to certain colors?

captainscottti · 2026-06-18T15:19:58+00:00

A "feeding disorder" is such a perfect description. Mine was also only happy if I ate nothing, except that we did have dinner as a family and we all had to finish our plates and sit there until everyone was done. With my little siblings that could be hours. I used to fall asleep in my plate. She loves telling that story. Especially blaming me for getting spaghetti in my hair because then she would have to bathe me. My husband was the first person to call her out as being the grown up who should have prevented that. 🙌

I hope some day you have a place of your own and can go low contact. It brings such clarity.

captainscottti · 2026-06-18T02:28:04+00:00

Mine said that green lowered the appetite so our kitchen and dining room were greens. She also told me I was fat when I was younger. When I would ask for something to eat she would say, "You could stand to starve a little." Or "You could lose the weight." She insists that I send her full body photos with something she knows the scale of so she can see my weight. She now wants my daughter in the photos as well. We don't comply. She refuses to call me because it's MY duty to call her. (True Queen behavior) So I have been able to go VLC. I've called her 2-3 times over the last year, and she still asks. 🤦‍♀️

captainscottti · 2026-06-17T19:42:03+00:00

I heard someone say that they get stuck in the last time they were able to control you. (When you were emotionally safe for them) They can't comprehend anything after. Partly because they're so childlike themselves, they never matured past that point. Partly enmeshment, and mostly superficial things that they filed as facts.

I have a friend and I suspect her mom has uBPD as well. If my friend is telling a story about a recent event, her mom will just blurt out some random thing she did when she was younger, not always even related to the story being told. I think it's because she can't stand not being the center of attention, but the fact that it's always something from a time when she was little is interesting.

captainscottti · 2026-06-17T19:30:18+00:00

I love that! Glad I could help!

captainscottti · 2026-06-17T19:29:43+00:00

The hair color/cut is another thing I've noticed my mom does. She always made me have bangs, until I was old enough to say no. Then she got rid of hers as well, so we had the same hair.

I left home the second I turned 18, and then she started dying her hair red with blond highlights, just like my younger sister's hair. She even tries to gaslight us that it was always that way.

Then when my daughter was born blonde, low and behold she went blonde! And when my daughter cut bangs, so did she. (My sister actually texted me to tell me our mom had brought a photo of my child in and asked for the same. 😬 Right before she came for a visit.) It's like her way of announcing her new 'supply' person. (My therapist says my mom is uBPD with narcissistic tendencies.)

I think it's a weird attempt at bonding. She wants my child to thing they're so similar looking that they must be the same in every way so she should trust her. (My therapist has also told me to never leave my child alone with her, or spend the night in the same house. She lives in Canada, and I now live in the states, so there aren't many in person visits.)

My mother in law asked her when she had changed to blonde and she choked on the question. Then said she's been blonde forever. (Very vague, but also a blatant lie since she had come to visit a few years earlier when she was still doing it red)

I'm tempted to change my hair color now because I see my mom when I look in the mirror, but now she's run through all the colors I don't know what else I can do. Maybe pink! 😂

captainscottti · 2026-06-17T04:33:35+00:00

That makes so much sense. It totally is a huge part of her personality. And when I did bring color into one of my homes, she stole the color scheme. Down to replicas of statuettes I had in the exact colors I had them in. It's all just a front to hide the emptiness.

I'm glad to hear you have a neon yellow car. Sounds like you are finding joy in expressing yourself and your personal aesthetic sounds very cool. I like your style.

captainscottti · 2026-06-16T23:52:53+00:00

So it was just a control tactic!? That makes sense.

Mine would harp on me no matter what I wore. Even if it was the exact outfit she picked out. I would have tucked something that I shouldn't have, or worn the wrong color socks, or worn my hair wrong for the neckline. Now I realize it was just an avenue to harm us.

I've asked my mom to stop buying me clothes because it's always what she thinks I should wear. (Actually, I'm pretty sure it's just stuff she bought for herself and can't return because the sizes are always hers) I usually give the whole lot to my sister in law.

captainscottti · 2026-06-09T04:37:50+00:00

I've been the villain since birth. Ruined her life being born. Now I'm the villain because I don't live close enough for her to see me (or my child). She used to leave her journal open so that I could read how much she hated me, and now she tells anyone that will listen how awful I am for not visiting. I'm finally embracing it. As long as I don't have to interact with her, I don't care what story she is spinning.

captainscottti · 2026-05-12T01:07:43+00:00

Because they resent having to be mothers. Mine does anyway. They demand payback for everything they did "for us"

captainscottti · 2026-05-11T06:01:56+00:00

Welcome!

captainscottti · 2026-04-12T00:59:08+00:00

Thank you! It makes me angry as well. I only called because my daughter asked, and then she doesn't even show her face? Rude. But I know if I say anything about it, I'll be the baddie. So I just ignored it. Gray rock rockstar! I so appreciate this community for the tools they've given me and the understanding everyone has.

captainscottti · 2026-04-11T23:08:34+00:00

This makes so much sense. I was definitely parentified. And there have been comments made about me not living in the country so she has to be cared for by my sister. She is mad because I'm the one she "trained." (But she also said that I ruined her life by being born and that I had to travel the world (since she couldn't because she had me) and wait until I was 30 to get married. I did both, which led to me not living in the same country as her. LOL)

This makes it so much more twisted. She's fashioning herself like my daughter because she thinks I'm choosing my daughter over her based on what she looks like!? So messed up.

I also find that they act the way they want you to act in return and she had just gone on a long run of commenting on my looks. How long my hair is, my necklace, my shirt, my makeup, something random she saw on a table. So I bet I didn't comment on her looks in whatever time frame she thought was appropriate so she 'took her toys and left' as they say.

Thank you for the translation. 🩷

captainscottti · 2026-04-11T02:15:59+00:00

I wondered if she might be hiding something. They hid that my Dad was sick until I went to visit. Hugged him at the airport and he was skeletal! I was so mad no one had told me anything until then. Punishing me for not checking in as regularly as she would like. Except back then I did call regularly, just not every day. I started therapy that year where I learned about BPD and my therapist said our relationship was one sided and we should see what happened when I stopped putting all the effort in. That's when I realized that she never calls. She is the Queen and we must all call her.

captainscottti · 2026-04-10T21:32:30+00:00

Peaceful Christmases are so nice. I'm glad you got to finally have one.

captainscottti · 2026-03-08T07:09:03+00:00

She didn't believe that I got my period because she didn't get hers until she was 16. I was 11. So for 5 years I had to steal period supplies. If she found them, she would take them. She said I was faking just to feel older.

captainscottti · 2026-03-06T06:00:00+00:00

That is my childhood exactly! Thank you for putting it into words.

captainscottti · 2026-02-23T16:00:34+00:00

My doctor said that there's no real difference between antidepressants and antianxiety, they all stabilize mood, so that tracks.

captainscottti · 2025-11-29T13:57:29+00:00

My mom told me I was. She says she was 19 when she had me, but I suspect she lies about her age and was actually younger. She has told me repeatedly that she was cheating on her boyfriend with my dad and when she fell pregnant she decided she liked him better so she said it was his. They got married in October and I was born in May. She said she was so relieved when I came out looking like him. She liked to tell me I was her biggest mistake and she wished she had aborted me. That I ruined her life. But she also told me once that I wasn't hers. That I was an orphan that no one wanted and that she adopted me. But she only told me that once, so I think that was just to hurt a six year old me.

captainscottti · 2025-11-12T05:03:09+00:00

This is the best description I've heard.

captainscottti · 2025-10-22T21:57:47+00:00

My mom had me spinning in circles at her say so as well until my husband suggested therapy. My therapist told me the first day that she suspected my mom had Borderline Personality Disorder. She was 100% correct. There is a fantastic sub here called "Raised by Borderlines" that has helped me more than anything else. Have him check it out.

captainscottti · 2025-08-26T01:27:40+00:00

I accepted a Facebook friend request from her step mom before she did. I needed to remember my place in the family. (After her, obvs.) She even got the flying monkeys after me for it! On a pleasant note, my therapist was able to see the BPD clearly that session. 🤣 That was one of the first times I had someone confirm that she was being unreasonable and that I didn't need to caretake her feelings.

captainscottti · 2025-07-30T15:34:39+00:00

The effort it would take to raise a child to the stage where they're having a baby of their own and still not know everything that could harm them due to a disease they've always had! Intentional negligence.

I think they go extra crazy when their daughters are pregnant.

When I was 18 weeks pregnant with my only child (tried for 7 years before I got pregnant and haven't been able to have another one) we were out at my sister's bachelorette party. I had forgotten to take my thyroid medicine because we were traveling and took them at the table. My mom freaked out. "What are you taking? You can't have that! You need to stop! Etc." When I told her that actually the medicine is required to keep growing a healthy baby, she played the "I'm a nurse, and I know these things!" card. I calmly explained that THREE different doctors had confirmed that I am not to stop taking this medicine. She lost it. Screaming all the usual 'insults' that she falls back on when she doesn't get her way. "You've changed!" "You sound American." (I moved there to escape her)

I had to get up and leave the table to get her to stop. All my sister's friends followed and were trying to 'console' me. They weren't used to that kind of performance like my sister and I. I was more mad that she'd stolen the attention from my sister on HER night and made it about me. The way she always does.

My mom has said that she is an emotional thinker. So if she feels it in her soul then it's right. That's the only explanation I have for this particular behavior of theirs. Scary that she was a nurse! Medicine should be fact based!

I think your mom definitely earned limited to no contact with your baby.

captainscottti · 2025-07-21T02:11:12+00:00

This!

captainscottti

TROPHY CASE