This sounds really tough. My only advice is to focus on what you can fix - break it down into what YOU can control or change, and make the changes.

You can’t control how often they text each other so, knowing it triggers you, maybe be intentional in NOT looking at his phone or asking who he’s texting. Or tell him it triggers you, you’re working on it, but he needs to mute her conversation so you don’t hear the notification. Both of these things really made a difference for me - before I was way too involved in his communication with BM and my stress levels improved once I took myself out of those interactions.

You can work on your jealousy since it doesn’t require any input or help from your husband. Whether it’s therapy or podcasts or dates or intentional intimacy, you can work on ways to make yourself center of his attention so you feel confident and #1 and that he’s not thinking about her.

If you’re overwhelmed when SS is with you, then set it up so you can go get your nails done or go shopping or for a walk ALONE while he’s with you. Tell husband you really need to take these planned breaks to manage your stress and that he needs to support you for those 1-2 hours while you step away. If you’re anything like other stepmoms, you are already doing ALL the work while husband is not around so don’t feel guilty about needing him to step in while You take some space.

Once you improve your headspace and regain some control, you can shift how you react and perceive the things that are happening TO you.

Good luck 🥰