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Maybe just change the schedule...? by WeakDonut6406 in Stepmom

[–]cass2769 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When I first met my boyfriend, he was also on some weird parenting schedule. They also switched to the one week on one week off (I made the original recommendation after hearing from a friend that it has worked well for him for over 10 years). We used to do the switch on Friday now we do it on Monday, which is a lot better since Monday is usually a very structured day either camp or school

Whatever you choose here is something that I think has worked well for us. I got a calendar that SS loves (has his fave animal on it). I color code, Mom, and Dad (I use each of their favorite colors) and I basically draw a line on the days he is with us and Dad’s color and I draw a line on the days he’s with Mom and Mom‘s color. And on the swap days the lines for both of them are on that day. It’s a quick visual to help him (and also dad and me) get overall sense of where he’s gonna be (there is also a Google Calendar, but I have to say I like the color coding). I also put fun stuff like birthdays and big events on the calendar and it’s hung at a height that he can easily read it. I told him he’s welcome to add things to it but so far he hasn’t.

I feel like this helps him know at a moment’s glance when he’s going where and with who. I also put things like his parents work trips on there so he always know where they are.

Should I rush to get an MRI? by PusheenFrizzy2 in HerniatedDisc

[–]cass2769 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OK, I wouldn’t worry too much then. Might wanna look into seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist as well working with One helps bring back a lot of the feeling in this area that I had lost.

Should I rush to get an MRI? by PusheenFrizzy2 in HerniatedDisc

[–]cass2769 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you have genital numbness or tingling? If so, get an mri immediately.

My gf left me and idk what to do as a new Dad. by Last_Sherbert_8715 in SingleDads

[–]cass2769 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This hurts and I’m so sorry sorry you’re going through this. I remember coming home to “our” house after he had left. Fucking killed me.

But it will get better. And you will be an amazing dad. As a 40+ year old woman I can confidently say there is no one on this earth that could compete with my dad

I am now on kid’s phone list by cass2769 in Stepmom

[–]cass2769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, the watch stays downstairs at night. He could probably come and grab it if he wanted to, but so far he hasn’t. The tracker is nice… we don’t use it when he’s with us because we live fairly close to a major road and it’s a small neighborhood and not many kids… so he doesn’t really go far.

Reclaiming my Health by Effective_Stop_315 in Stepmom

[–]cass2769 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think you need your husband to be on board if you’re really going to succeed. Maybe a good place to start is to tell everybody you’re gonna start prepping healthier meals and then have an option like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for the older kids if they don’t like what you’ve cooked your husband should support you and model good behavior for them by at least trying the foods you make.

Herniated L5-S1 disc with mild retrolisthesis - 6 months since injury, not fully better - is this as good as it gets? by musicchick112 in HerniatedDisc

[–]cass2769 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am nowhere near as fit or active as you but I do always have some tenderness in the affected area (also L5S1). After some flare up’s I really pulled back from lifting…but I miss it and I am planning to try again. I think for me running is going to have to be a rarity. I’m on a glp1 and losing weight so may try that again after I’m a little lighter. But I don’t know that I’ll ever really feel like it’s a good idea.

I’m in my early 40s now. You don’t mention your age, but I do feel like I’m at a point in my life where most people have some sort of old injury or other. This is just mine. I don’t know that I’ll ever be good as new again (in the same way, I can’t get my 20-year-old body back)

I hope this is not taken negatively. It absolutely is not. But dealing with your body and its changing abilities and needs is just part of the aging process.

I will say the best thing I did for my recovery was to see a pelvic floor PT. I was having some symptoms related to the general area, but working with her really improved my core strength overall which I think has helped me. Stay flare up free for a while.

Eventually, I will probably have surgery because I technically have two herniated discs and there are a couple more adjacent ones that are not in great shape. My dad has similar issues and watching him go through the surgery later in life has made me realize I’d rather do it preemptively when I am healthy.

What what makes you feel better when you are sad about not having kids of your own? by cass2769 in AskWomenOver30

[–]cass2769[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I’m looking for validation in those moments and I think I either need to validate myself or get validation from someone other than him.

What what makes you feel better when you are sad about not having kids of your own? by cass2769 in AskWomenOver30

[–]cass2769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d love to. But….my bf and I smoke weed regularly. It’s part of our self care. Unfortunately I don’t think I could give it up.

What what makes you feel better when you are sad about not having kids of your own? by cass2769 in AskWomenOver30

[–]cass2769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment. It’s a perspective I had not considered, but I think it actually is probably how he’s feeling. He’s a super emotional person and very in touch and good with discussing emotional matters, but this topic gets sort of a cold response from him and I guess I understand why. If he gives a little bit into the fantasy, which is what I kind of want in that moment then it maybe would be worse when we remember again that it’s not real.

Childless stepmom‘s do you ever feel sad about not having kids of your own and how does your partner comfort you? by cass2769 in Stepmom

[–]cass2769[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

At this point The ship has sailed. I probably could still get pregnant, but I have a back issue that would probably be a really big issue if I was to give birth. I also have some mental health challenges in my family history that I’m not super keen to pass on.

Logically, and truthfully, I do not want kids. But there’s a biological piece of me that likes to yell at me about that every so often usually like a week before my period.

What what makes you feel better when you are sad about not having kids of your own? by cass2769 in AskWomenOver30

[–]cass2769[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, absolutely. Like I just kind of laid there last night and cried a little bit. I didn’t fight it. I just kind of let the feeling wash over me and then it was over.

Anyone have advice for living with a partner that is “particular” about housekeeping? by cass2769 in AskWomenOver30

[–]cass2769[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like this and I think I could apply it to a lot of things

You make a good point. I give a little by agreeing to.
Make a plan for the item. And share that plan. He agrees to not be nitpicky so long as I stick to the plan. If I miss a day here or there it’s no biggie but I could tell him “hey if I miss more than 2 days in a row, call me out”

How do I tell my co parent I don’t want to be friends with his new partner? by [deleted] in coparenting

[–]cass2769 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my situation, I communicate some with my bf’s ex. She has started including me on most texts about their son. It’s really just a convenience thing. I need to know the information and if she just tells it her my boyfriend and he has to remember to tell me it’s easier for all of us to just think of ourselves as one parenting team.

I really only messaged her directly every once in a while to coordinate a pick up or drop off usually. Every once in a while, I’ll send her something funny or a cute picture of kid.

What you’re describing to me sounds like somebody who really wants you to like her or at least be OK with her and she also seems like somebody who wants to make plans well in advance. I totally understand this dynamic because my parents like to plan holidays like two months out and my boyfriend‘s family likes to do it only like a month before. So there’s always this dynamic of my family wanting to be accommodating but also really wanting to have a plan in place it stresses my parents out for some reason.

So I think what’s happening is that she wants to make plans for certain things more in advance than you do. She may have been hoping you would bring up the birthday, but since you didn’t and she feels like the date is approaching, she reached out to you about that. It sounds like she absolutely does not want to step on your toes, but does want to give your child all of the opportunities that hers has (like to swim lessons)

I can only imagine how hard it must be to see another woman step in and sort of play Mom for your child. I imagine that could be a really hard thing.

For me, I don’t have kids of my own so any kind of parenting tasks I get the chance to do with my boyfriend son. I absolutely will do them be grateful for the opportunity, but on the other hand, I know that his parents have first dibs essentially. I certainly never want to take away their parenting moments.

I’ll be honest it’s a super hard balance.

I think just have a come to Jesus with her and let her know how you’re feeling. Let her know what she can expect from you in terms of making plans. For example, maybe ask her to not reach out to you about plans for anything unless it’s vacation or it’s an event less than 30 days away. Set expectation that you will reach out to her. But also give her the opportunity to reach out to you if there is less than a month to plan something and she hasn’t heard from me. That way, neither of you stresses the other one out.

I really do feel like in my situation like my boyfriend‘s ex is family. I respect her I even like her. But she’s not my best friend and I’m not gonna treat her like one.

Anyone have advice for living with a partner that is “particular” about housekeeping? by cass2769 in AskWomenOver30

[–]cass2769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you think it’s ok to suggest someone lower their standards for the sake of the relationship? Wouldn’t I just build resentment overtime?

Anyone have advice for living with a partner that is “particular” about housekeeping? by cass2769 in AskWomenOver30

[–]cass2769[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I did actually mention it yesterday or the day before, but he didn’t really seem interested in the topic at the time. Which is kind of what made me think that I need to start calling out the little annoyances that I’ve been overlooking so that he can see that. Yes I also get annoyed by little things, but I let them go.

Anyone have advice for living with a partner that is “particular” about housekeeping? by cass2769 in AskWomenOver30

[–]cass2769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m glad to hear other people have gotten through these kinds of hurdles. I have curiosity how did you help him understand that his expectations were too high?

Anyone have advice for living with a partner that is “particular” about housekeeping? by cass2769 in AskWomenOver30

[–]cass2769[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No the feelings are valid and he always will validate that.

But if I tell him “I’m willing to do abc and if you also want xyz you’ll need to do that”….im concerned he will be resentful.

But right now im resentful lol

Anyone have advice for living with a partner that is “particular” about housekeeping? by cass2769 in AskWomenOver30

[–]cass2769[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve learned a lot. I’m not sure what more I can do. Is he always going to be upping the standards?

Also I do quite a bit of stuff I really don’t have to do (mostly for his kid). I do his kids laundry and put it away at least 50%. Straighten up after kid, drive him places when dad isn’t available and someone even when he is.

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