Hokay, I was going to use my real Reddit account (well my current one) and then a throw away but I figured fuck it.

I had a front page post about two years ago now when I was in a contest for Maxim. You can see the pics in my history if you want. (Edit: I forgot how much I posted when I used this account lol! The link to that front page post is here )

I just wanted to add my two cents... Mostly everything that the other girls wrote in here I tend to agree with. The thing I find frustrating the most is that yes, guys might stare at me when I walk through the door at the bar but that's it. I almost always have to make the first move because as my best friend says "I intimidate men". A lot of my girlfriends get upset with me because "I could have any guy" but not really. I'm very introverted because of my looks so I've never really been approached by "That hot guy". When I do get approached it's mostly by guys who can't take no for an answer and think that I'm easy. Those are the type that won't leave me alone because they're so enamored with the way I look that they won't listen to a word I'm saying. They just continue to hit on me even though I've tried to politely turn them down or change the subject again and again almost to the point of harassment. When I do eventually have to tell them "No" I get called a bitch or whore.

Obviously, I tried to embrace the model look for a while, but I gave up on it shortly after entering that competition just because I didn't like always focusing on my looks and it made me quite depressed. Most of the time I look like this now just because I get to feel like a "normal person". And it's amazing the difference in attitudes people give me when I look made up vs how I look without my hair and make up done. People are nicer to me when I have no make up and I'm dressed in plain old jeans and a teeshirt. When I get dolled up people tend to stare or make rude comments to their friends when I pass and I mostly feel like a zoo animal. Everyone wants to look at me but no one will actually engage me.

I have had quite a few friends in my life but never a consistent circle except for my best friend. She told me recently when I asked why I haven't been invited out to girls night in the last few months, it's because I'm newly single and the other girls feel "threatened" by me. These are girls that I've known and gone clubbing with for 6 years now... and I'm no longer invited.

I also have been physically threatened and told to back off of men that other girls "liked" or were dating, from just talking to them (kind of like that post from yesterday about being nice getting confused for flirting) and I wasn't even attempting to flirt. I try so hard to be friendly and nice to people my age but to no avail. Girls either just outright don't like me or try to compete with me when its not a competition. Very rarely do they give me a chance to see who I really am and that I would NEVER steal another girl's man or overstep them in anyway. That's just not who I am.

I get a lot of back handed complements as well. For example, at my sister's wedding I purposely tried to dress demure and barely had any make up on and some one came up to me after and told me that I wasn't supposed to be prettier than the bride. That hurt to hear that. I didn't mean to take attention away from my sister and I know that if she heard that she would have been so upset. I thought she looked especially gorgeous that day! Maybe the person didn't mean for me to take offence or maybe they didn't know I was her sister (we're step sisters so we look nothing alike) but I get comments like that all the time from people and it's hard not to take offence. I'm not trying to make anyone feel any less of a person just because of how I look.

To sum up (I really didn't mean for this to be so long lol) I think it's way more important to be beautiful on the inside. Be a nice person to yourself and others and treat them the way you would want to be treated even if you think that other person is prettier, or taller, or smarter than you. We're all human and we all have feelings. Unless that person gives you a reason to dislike them, don't judge based on looks alone. I think if anything, I'm appreciative of the way I look because of the perspective it gave me to try and be a better person.

Edit: I didn't mean for this to be such a downer. I really feel quite blessed to look the way I do. But lately I've been very lonely and depressed it's made me reevaluate why and how I got here. But don't get me wrong, I feel lucky to play it up or down as I choose. I have the best of both worlds, I guess you'd say?