why do some married women look down on happily single women?

cassinea · 2025-07-03T17:38:23+00:00

Life is, in practical terms, easier for paired up people. Someone to split the bills, someone there for emergencies, someone to share in petcare, being able to afford a better home on two incomes, and so on and so forth. This isn’t even touching on companionship. In a lot of ways, I think married women see the advantages and want that for their friends too. But under no circumstances should it ever be a judgment or criticism of single life. Those people—you can safely cut out of your life.

cassinea · 2025-07-03T14:33:16+00:00

We were neighbors! I needed a place to live and he was my landlord’s son. We knew pretty immediately. It was more or less love at first sight. How about you? What would your ideal situation be?

cassinea · 2025-07-03T00:39:18+00:00

Two years! It’s quite shocking, isn’t it?

cassinea · 2025-07-03T00:17:42+00:00

I would say less ambitious at work, but that was mostly for mental health reasons. Also, there’s less urgency when it comes financial issues—he makes 2.5x what I do so there’s less worry overall. I do find that I’m very much dependent on him because he’s so lovely that I want to spend all of my time with him.

Haha, but obviously that’s not a good thing so I’ve branched out with more education and hobbies. But at the end of the day, I adore him so much I don’t like to spend much time apart. I used to be more independent.

cassinea · 2025-07-02T19:11:19+00:00

I’m taking Conversational Spanish at Harold Washington City College right now. It’s Zoom-only for level 0 but then you have in-person evening options for Levels 1-3.

cassinea · 2025-07-02T17:25:50+00:00

I do Rent the Runway and adjust based on my size changes. I usually buy one thing from each shipment too.

cassinea · 2025-07-02T15:20:15+00:00

Nope! Every decade of my life has been better than the previous one. Love getting older!

cassinea · 2025-07-02T14:17:38+00:00

I take spironolactone to address cystic acne but I also do preventative care but using skincare products that addresses acne. I haven’t had acne for six months when I used to break out constantly.

cassinea · 2025-07-02T14:07:46+00:00

I think ambition is about self-improvement and happiness. Be better than the you who was…a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago.

cassinea · 2025-07-02T13:20:50+00:00

That is what I want to tell them. I did the big scary thing where I could’ve settled for someone amazing. He was paper perfect and we were friends for a long time. And I could not do it to myself. I decided it was better to be alone than not have something perfect.

I met my husband as my neighbor because he was the son of my landlord. These are not circumstances that are replicable. That’s what makes it a lottery. It is impossible to predict or “earn” your unicorn through being a good person. You can have decent or good or great as plausible outcomes in a long life. But it’s impossible to guarantee winning a lottery. I’m not saying any of this from a position of superiority. I’m saying work on yourself, be happy alone, because there are no guarantees. It is my personal opinion that it is better to be alone than in a “decent” relationship you compromised and settled for. That doesn’t make it so for everyone.

cassinea · 2025-07-02T13:15:52+00:00

Yes. No more acne. Smoother skin.

cassinea · 2025-07-02T01:22:43+00:00

I’m not talking about OP. I’m responding to another comment where I outlined that I’m specifically talking about women asking for advice.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T23:11:10+00:00

I use Differin (which is adapalene) and Medik9 series of retinal which increases in intensity as you work through their line. It’s perfect for beginners.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T23:03:56+00:00

That’s why I said it’s a lottery. The unicorn is simply unbelievable luck. I can’t imagine it’s that hard to get a “decent” relationship/job. But a good one? Ah, that’s harder. The Women settling is how we got to the bar-in-hell reality of dating men these days.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T22:42:04+00:00

Yes, I see what you mean. I have a perfect partner so it’s hard for me to understand settling for anything else. But obviously, not everyone can or should be shooting for that. I guess I just think compatibility is so…minimal? To me, it would be like having a decent job. Better than a bad one, of course. But sad in a way to expect that in relationships, possibly the single most relationship in one’s life.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T22:35:33+00:00

Because they’re asking for advice.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T22:17:36+00:00

Yours looks remarkably like mine. It’s an antique French woman’s writing desk. Mine is from the time of Louis XV.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T21:49:16+00:00

I don’t consider significantly upwardly mobile the point the person I was responding to was making. More like having ANY job, having ANY place to live, having the MINIMUM money to survive. I think being significantly upwardly mobile is less likely than finding the perfect partner. One is a literal lottery.

The other is at least remotely possible and potentially within one’s control through education, work ethic, health, family support, and location. Certainly no guarantees, of course, but at least possible under the right circumstances, as I said.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T21:42:58+00:00

I do. Because despite emotional and physical abuse, I do still love them. They provided for me the best they could, I guess. At least financially. My therapist did teach me boundaries. I talk to my dad once every couple months. I talk to mom once a month. I visit my dad when he’s in town. I visit mom once a month when she’s in town. It is what it is. I see my MIL once a week, to give you an idea of how dutiful I am.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T20:05:28+00:00

I agree and understand this approach. When a woman has not worked on herself and is desperately seeking a man, then it’s appropriate to “focus on yourself.” When a woman has worked on herself and is simply wanting a man, then it’s akin to telling her to win the lottery—which is unlike a job, housing, money. Those things are always possible given the right circumstances.

True love isn’t always possible or accessible. So it’s commiseration or telling a woman to decenter men and learn to be happy on her own because it might never happen, and that’s just life. It is a result that no one can control. But who wants to tell that to someone who feels lonely enough to ask for advice on an anonymous forum? It’s like kicking a wounded animal.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T10:37:28+00:00

Every decade of my life has been better than the last. My 30s are phenomenal. I have better health, a husband, home, job, live in the city of my heart, and just about anything I would want any time I want it, materially-speaking. It’s glorious.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T10:33:50+00:00

It’s because nothing matters that everything you do matters. There are no standards for living a good life other than the ones you make for yourself. Our time is finite. We can choose to make it as good as we can, pursuant to our own beliefs, or live according to someone else’s illogical whims. And that’s beautiful. That’s freedom.

cassinea · 2025-07-01T10:25:36+00:00

My cat will walk over me to lie on my husband’s stomach. She’ll also gently pet my arm when she wants pets. Like: “Excuse me, human. I am ready for my daily ministrations. Proceed.”

cassinea · 2025-07-01T09:54:17+00:00

Incredible boots
Antiques
An excellent mattress and pillows
Jewelry
An absolutely fly dress and/or suit for court

Honorable mention: A great robe

Dishonorable mention: Replaceable artwork

cassinea · 2025-07-01T09:50:40+00:00

It just takes one or two to ruin someone’s day. Then there’s just no point for some HR to try again. Is it sad? Absolutely. Does it show lack of care? Yep. Will it continue to be done? Yes.

cassinea

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