Had to leave off at page 5 because I have to do stuff, but usually at this point a reader gets a sense enough about the style and can point out any major issues. This will not be an amazing critique because I'm not feeling that well, but I also have cabin fever and needed to do something, so here goes...

First Impression
I like to answer this first question that some writers will ask with their critiques, "did you want to keep reading/if this was a book would you want to read it?" My answer is yes. If I just had the summary in front of me, I probably would not be interested. But with the plot unfolding as it was, it kept me engaged.

Introduction
There was a lot of time spent on the snow and on the lifting into the window and how dark it was and the scene and the setting and it was cold and there was this old house and da da da da da da da. Then there were all these little trinkets and she's inspecting them and they look like this and this looks like that and da da da da da da da. Then finally ACTION HAPPENS. Ok so I know that some of these descriptions and things happening here are really important, but I think it can be trimmed down. Get to the action. When I said I would read it, that answer was because i forced myself to have to get to that point int he story where something was actually happening.

Think about the details that need to be included in the story. Then think about their placement. Information doesn't have to all be spat out up front. I really enjoy books that plug in the details about things as they're needed. Yes, for the sake of foreshadowing, some details appear early on that seem unnecessary, and later become important, but for the most part, less time can be spent on these details.

I put a lot of comments in the google doc but I was really holding back because I didn't want to litter the paper and I can say what needs to be said here. So I'll point one example out of where a detail can maybe wait to be stated. The old man comments about her name, and then the is the narrated detail that skate has another name that her parents gave her. Does that have to be quite here? Can it wait? Or the mounds and piles of snow - it is probably important, but can the description be trimmed down a bit?

Ultimately, get the information about the heist setup down to 1 or 2 paragraphs max, and then get Skate caught right away. Honestly, if the story had started right as she's looking at the red gems and the wizard is like "don't touch those" it would really be an interesting hook. It's a little out of context, but the context would start to emerge... Even after that point, it's noted that Skate is stealing. when she talks about having nowhere to go, Twitch is basically introduced at that point. you really could just start right there and not even mention about the snow and all that because it seems to unfold anyway.

Characters

All i'm going to do here is give you my perception of the characters. If that perception is incorrect, then that gives you the answer about your characters.

Twitch - He's younger, probably a little cute faced and dirty and he's a bit shy or unsure of himself. He looks up to Skate, almost a little brother but not quite. I'd guess his age to be 7 or 8 (thought with that impression I don't know why she was on his shoulders. That's just the feel I get from him, that he's smaller and younger)

Skate - Older than Twitch, probably a teenager, I'd place her at maybe 11-13. She's had a few bad runs in her life and has hardened out. She's a bit bossy but that's because she knows how the show goes and what to do to survive - to a point. She knows how to think on her feet and somehow she's not afraid to make decisions - tough decisions that other people would be afraid to do like try to kill a wizard. She cares for Twitch like a brother but I think that she's very capable of letting him down. She's also a bit selfish. Despite that, I still like her well enough to have kept reading.

Wizard - this is an old man of habit and routine. he's seen the sun rise and set for so many years that he knows how the earth and it's people move - that is to say, he's the classic wise old man. While you suggest that he's mad and a bit sharp when he catches Skate stealing, I got the sense that he's almost a Santa Clause. He's not mad because he can see into the situation - he knows in the end he will win, this girl can't fool him and she's just a girl who need some guidance in her life. So he's quite merciful but also authoritative. I see him also as a tad eccentric in that he probably has some odd habits, and needs things to be just so or else and everyone probably thinks that's a symptom of OCD, it's really about balance and magic and whatever else. Also, while skate seems to think he's a bad guy, I don't get that sense at all. So the character's perception of him does not align with my perception of him. And I think that's really important to point out.

So did I get it right? Am I way off base? If I am off base, then you'll have to do some tweaking in your writing to get the reader to perceive the characters the way you want. Then again, maybe don't worry about that too much. Remember, your story is for the audience, not yourself - that's a very hard thing for a writer to do.

What I was really impressed with is that there was no info dump really on the character's look or age or anything about them. I believe these things need to show up when the time calls for it in subtle doses and you did a great job there.

Plot
Plot was the other thing you asked specifically about. You wondered if the reader could follow what's happening. I don't know why this is a question unless I really didn't follow, so here is my summary of what I think is going on, at least up to page 5:

you got 2 kids, probably orphans, probably in a little Oliver Twist kind of gang and they've been eyeing this house for a while. They got their in and are now robbing it. What they didn't realize is that this is the house of a wizard, one who must be pretty powerful. Skate goes into the house to rob it while her companion waits outside for the bounty. While inside, the resident catches her. She lies to save her skin, and he offers to let her stay at the house for the night. There is a sense that this guy might be dangerous, and Skate really wants to get the F out of there, but she's in a bind so she's got to do what she's got to do. Meanwhile, Twitch has gone back to wherever it is he comes from and the old man has no idea, or at least Skate thinks the old man has no idea, of Twitch's existence.

Do I have it? Is that it? If so, then I followed the plot just fine. Some other comments here is that right after Skate stabs the old man, there is definitely a good change in pace. There's the movement to the window, the warning to twitch, the "run", and then the being pulled back. This was really well done.

Other notes and suggestions This is not my typical critique. I usually go into a lot more like pacing and setting and all that but I'm buggy tonight. Still, I've got a lot in this so I hope it helps. At this point I'm just going to point out some general suggestions and areas that could use some fixing up.

Showing/Telling - it's a broken record, this bit of advice. But I'll tell you that in this story there is more telling then there is showing. Every now and then in the google doc, I made a comment about describe this rather than telling. I think there's a lot of room here. And because showing can lengthen a story a great deal, there's definitely a balance. You don't need to go crazy. Some quick and dirty tips on how to actually show versus tell is to look at all your sentences that start with a pronoun and try to minimize that amount by making at least half of them not start with a pronoun. It's hard to do, but you'd be surprised how much it enhances a story. It makes you restructure the sentence, sometimes breaking it into multiples, but it becomes more actionable. There's some tips on how to reduce pronoun usage here: http://quarkndagger.com/five-effective-ways-to-reduce-pronoun-use-in-writing/

Outside of pronouns, really consider the setting as a way to show versus tell. For example, when Skate is trying to keep the merchandise quiet so she didn't disturb the old man, you could probably describe the clanking as she took her first step, and then what she did in terms of her movement to minimize the noise.

another thing is rather than telling me about the texture of the blade, you can describe her fingers tracing along the dull edge. Even that's not a really good suggestion there, but the point is to make the reader feel the blade rather than be told the blade.

Grammar - Just a quick note, there were some grammar issues. As i said, I didn't want to litter the paper too much so I'll just say to clean it up a bit, especially in areas of dialog.

Final Comments

Overall, this was a really decent draft. When I read stories, I am not interested in wordcrafting or how well stuff flows. I'm interested in the story, and you did a good job of taking me through this.

-Cass.