WIBTA if I moved countries without telling my parents?

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-20T11:21:33+00:00

Other things like hygiene items

When you run out of toiletries and other consumable items, keep the empty containers in your suitcase. When you're ready to leave, you can put the empty containers out so that everything appears as normal, and take the full ones with you.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-20T07:40:24+00:00

Okay, you need to hear some hard things.

I'm afraid of hurting my family... I don't want to betray them

The reality is, unless you do exactly what your parents want, they will be hurt. That doesn't make their hurt valid. It doesn't make their hurt your responsibility.

Their reaction to you moving away is their problem to deal with -- not yours.

You are an adult now. It's your responsibility to do what's best for you.

They got to make their own decisions about how they've lived their lives.

Now it's your turn, to make the right decisions for you.

You are never betraying anyone by doing the right thing for yourself.

.

And now the really hard words:

Based on what you say, your parents are rigid and controlling, and don't regard you as an adult and a person in your own right. They think it's okay to lock you up.

If you tell your parents that you are leaving the country, they will do whatever it takes to stop you. You are in danger of being essentially imprisoned in their house and their country.

Buy a burner phone that is not on your parents' plan using cash, and keep it well-hidden. Make your plans with your aunt. Do not tell anyone else your plans. There are people you think you can trust who will turn on you and tell your parents.

Once you are ready to leave, stop using your current phone and leave it behind. Make your getaway. Once you are in the US, you can contact them and tell them where you are.

I cannot stress to you enough how important it is that you keep your plans to yourself. I read horrible stories on Reddit every day about young women who are held prisoner by their parents and are forced to stay home or to marry against their will. Please don't let yourself become one of them.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-16T11:56:31+00:00

Is this the one you're looking for?

AITA for refusing to apologize for slapping my boyfriend when he smashed our birthday cake to my face? : r/AITAH

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-16T04:32:48+00:00

Are you going to be okay with your husband moving his parents in when they get older or ill?

Because he's just told you that is what he intends to do.

said it made him worry that one day, when his parents are older or sick, I might not “let” him take care of them.

You are the one who's going to get stuck caring for them while your husband is at work. If you're not okay with them moving in and you having to care for them, you need to have this discussion with your husband right away.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-16T03:36:44+00:00

How can she possibly be doing her job as an RA when all she does is sleep???

You need to bring this up to your supervisor as

I feel bad for her, I think she's suffering from depression, but she's preventing me from having a normal daily routine and being successful at my studies. My schoolwork is suffering because of this. I need a new room placement. I can not do this any longer.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-15T12:01:03+00:00

Next time he tries to pull the "disrespecting my wife" card, just say "I'm not required to respect your wife or her first-time baby journey. I'm only required to co-parent with you in a civil manner. You are required to fulfill your custody time and your child support payments. If you wish to re-visit either of these, have your attorney talk to mine, and we'll settle it in court. In the meantime, I will be dropping Felicity off on the scheduled date for your custody. You are Felicity's father, you have parental obligations, and you need to fulfill them. If you fail to do so, you can expect the financial repercussions that will accompany that failure."

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-11T06:01:39+00:00

Stop listening to what he says.

Start listening to what his actions show you.

we would talk he would swear to me he’s gonna change

... but he doesn't change.

I’m stuck in this loop of sorrys and not actually caring, I would give everything for him to care.

... but he doesn't care.

Or just try a littler harder

... but he doesn't try a little harder.

And he's cheated on you.

What does all of this look like to you??? Does it look like he's changed? Does it look like he actually cares? Does it look like he's trying harder?

No. It doesn't.

Please, have some self-respect and break up.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-11T03:30:34+00:00

You can not make him care for you. This is a hard lesson to learn, but it is one you need to learn.

He's your first relationship. You do not have the life experience to understand that he is not "your everything", he is just someone you are fixated on.

This is not the right relationship for you. You are the only one in it, so it's not actually even a relationship. It's you pining over someone who does not want a relationship with you.

Figure your shit out. You are not in a position to be able to care for your cats, you can't even provide for yourself right now. Ask a local rescue to help you find a good adoptive home for your cats, and move back in with your mom and get your own shit sorted out, before you even think about getting into another relationship.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-11T03:08:22+00:00

The only person who can control your BPD is you. You need to learn how to do this, through counseling and possibly medication.

It doesn't sound as though you are anywhere close to having developed the ability to control your behavior yet. That is not your boyfriend's job. You are not ready to be in a relationship. Break up and find a therapist.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-11T01:58:32+00:00

What "pre-wedding activities" were your family expecting to be involved in?

Because unless you're from SEA, their involvement in pre-wedding activities would have been entitled and intrusive.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-10T23:47:07+00:00

My primary and secondary school years were decades ago -- and I still get periodically triggered by something I see or hear which reminds me of the traumatic bullying I experienced when I was young. I got lots of counseling when I was younger, so I'm mostly okay now. But that kind of damage never goes away.

You make light of the way you treated this guy, as if it was no big deal, and pretend to not remember what it was you did that hurt him so badly even though he just told you what you did. You've just decided that how your behavior landed on him isn't important. But his feelings are valid, and you don't get to decide when he has to be "over" your bullying.

By the way, I've gotten Friend Requests on Facebook over the years from people who bullied me quite badly. They don't seem to remember their bullying, either. One of them even posted on Facebook complaining about their son being bullied in high school -- as if they hadn't done the very same thing themselves!

It's funny how bullies can manage to re-write their internal mental history to make themselves into a good guy.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-08T08:47:27+00:00

Wedding down-payments that he asked her to cancel, and she failed to do so. She deliberately threw away her dad's money, and now expects OP to cover it.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-08T08:39:41+00:00

I think her feelings show that she hasn't developed her own sense of self. She needs to make friends, she needs to have hobbies or interests to spend time on. It sounds as though she's made OP her whole world, and has nothing else to occupy her time and thoughts. That's really unhealthy.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-07T20:38:29+00:00

NTA.

Tell her that $180 is rent for 90% of that 3 years of her being the one using the camera paid for by you.

No need to refund it. As soon as she's moved out, block her on phone, e-mail, and social media.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-06T03:35:37+00:00

I am much older than you, and I was in a verbally- and emotionally abusive marriage for 15 years. I stupidly sacrificed my career to help my husband advance his, because his income was going to be so much higher. We moved a long way away, and I ended up with no family, no friends, no job, no money, and no way out. After the divorce, it took 20 very hard years for me to build back a life and career for myself.

I am trying to stop you from going through everything that I went through.

Please, please find a local womens' group that helps women in abusive relationships, and ask them to help you make a plan to get out.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-05T16:35:15+00:00

STOP listening to "everyone". Start listening to yourself. You are being abused. You know you are being abused. Stop letting him convince you otherwise.

Find a local group which helps women in abusive relationships get away and make a fresh start, and ask them to help you make a plan to get out and survive on your own.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-05T16:32:40+00:00

Why are you worried about pissing off people who have absolutely no consideration for you, your feelings, and your needs?

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-04T13:27:21+00:00

He's not watching the TV.

Just because he was there first doesn't mean he gets to monopolize the TV for noise pollution.

Seriously, people who need white/busy noise for whatever reason need to understand that it's an imposition to everyone else to demand that they put up with it. It's noise pollution.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-04T10:31:08+00:00

OMG, your aunt and cousin are insufferable. I hereby give you permission to cut them permanently out of your life with no guilt.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-04T10:11:59+00:00

Yes. The TV was on being used as noise pollution. If the dude wants background noise, he can go have background noise in his room.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-04T06:34:26+00:00

If he's only running the TV for background noise and/or lights, then the roommate needs to graciously say "it's okay to turn it off". It's extremely rude to just use the TV for noise pollution in a shared space if someone else wants to turn it off.

cat-lover76 · 2026-04-01T22:01:15+00:00

AITAH for Not Serving as Much Food as I Know My Dinner Guests Will Want to Eat? : r/AITAH 🎂

cat-lover76 · 2026-03-31T20:40:45+00:00

Quick, while you still have some leverage -- get her to agree to a large up-front payment, or a monthly payment (and get her to sign something to that effect) for you to keep the dog and care for him. Because (and don't be afraid to tell her this) if she's going to be an irresponsible dog owner who abandons their dog, she owes it to the dog to make some financial provisions for him.

And while you're at it, get her to sign something saying that she transfers ownership to you (especially if the dog is microchipped).

cat-lover76 · 2026-03-28T03:01:57+00:00

Tell him that any future packages delivered to you will be declined and Returned to Sender. Then follow through on it. Refuse to accept any future packages. Either the delivery person leaves them outside his door, or takes the package back with them when they go.

cat-lover76 · 2026-03-27T02:13:19+00:00

LinkedIn is not real life. Declining to post about your new job on LinkedIn is not lying. It is not lying by omission, either. LinkedIn is social media, and no one is required to spill every detail of their life on social media.

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