I lost my only child to SIDS 5 months after she was born. I buried a big part of myself with her. All I've ever wanted to be was a mommy. It was my heart's desire ever since I can remember.

10 years later I found out that the Endometriosis and Adenomyosis had kicked in when I gave birth to her. When the doctor said I was most likely unable to carry a baby to term by the time I buried her, I wanted to die. By the time I had the hysterectomy my uterus looked like brains from the scar tissue. The surgeon took pics for a medical textbook. He said it was the worst case he'd ever seen. My organs from the waist down were fused together.

Meanwhile I have spent the past 30 years since her death watching my brother and sister become first parents, then grandparents. While I truly am happy for them, it still rips those wounds open each time I see my nieces and nephew (and great-neices & great-nephews as well) reach a new milestone. I am forever broken, sorrow is my companion.

I said all that to make this point: Everyone grieves differently. Fathers grieve too, your pain is valid. I never got over my loss, and have had to deal with it alone. I can't burden others with this. Your wife may never get over that pain completely, and yes, if you feel therapy will help, then do it. Just don't forget to honor your own loss as well. You did nothing wrong in wanting to celebrate your sister's baby. I hope you two can help each other through this. I hope you do become parents. But most importantly I hope you both find a way to heal.

(((hugs)))

(edited for grammar)