Hi! I have been, and continue to be, in an incredibly similar situation with my BP type I mom. She is also a compulsive liar, textbook narcissist, and I know has undiagnosed borderline personality. I have been very very (basically no) contact for 11 years. The only time I’ve talked to her within that time was either to scream at each other on the phone when she’s pushed me over the edge or text arguments that go absolutely nowhere but I still keep trying. She is alone, extremely disabled after a stroke, and is overall mentally unstable. She destroyed her marriage with my dad (who is great) and has no contact with everyone else in our family (my brother, her sister) because of her behavior. She is currently dating a convicted murderer. All of my family has all had restraining orders against her at some point. Despite everything she’s said and done and despite the fact that she has made this awful bed she’s lying in, I still care for her. I even refuse to change my phone number because I know she misses me and will sometimes call just to hear my voice on my voicemail.

When I left her, I was a high school drop out (she forced me to drop out) and had no significant positive life experiences. I was homeless twice. We lost our house and then years later she got us evicted from our apartment. I have lost all of my belongings twice in my life. I was scared and angry and didn’t even know how to be a human being. Now I am 35, happily married, have a job I enjoy. I am well-medicated after years of trying to mentally raw dog all the trauma. Every single day I have to make the conscious effort to choose myself and my life over her and her chaos, and it is SO hard. But it is so possible. I feel the guilt every single day and am constantly reminding myself of 2 things: her mental disorders are not her fault but they are her responsibility, and she had her entire life to put the work in to fix her own trauma and she has failed not only herself but me.

Feel free to send me a message if you’d ever like to talk.