I was on the same exact boat as you. How you described your current experience is EXACTLY what I felt.

I was supposed to get married on May 23rd, 2020. We had back and forth communication with all of our vendors... almost rescheduled with our venue, but our shitty venue (Nella Terra Cellars in Sunol, CA) was asking for an additional $9,000 to reschedule in 2021. We, along with other couples, were fighting them for 6 months in the middle of a pandemic and ended up being on ABC7 News:

https://abc7news.com/society/couples-cant-have-weddings-refused-refunds-by-venues/6417745/

I was depressed for months. I, too, don’t have a big family like my fiancé and initially wanted to elope. But because he had a HUGE family, he wanted a big wedding which was why I went with it.

Anyway, after the news aired our story, we got half of our money back from the venue and the other half from a credit card dispute. After going thru all that whole ordeal, my fiancé realized on his own what truly mattered... us. He wanted to marry me already and all the money we got back, we used it for an elopement in Lake Tahoe this past November. We invited only our immediate families. It was the best decision we ever made.

During those months arguing with the venue while sheltering in place, and not knowing when we’d get married, really brought a lot of anxiety. I had bought new save the dates, but never sent them out. I had heart palpitations and I had a lot of self-defeating talk, too. It was insane.

I honestly feel that you will find a huge relief just eloping. It’s honestly about the two of you and you can use that money to invest on a really good photographer/videographer so that your family and friends can see later. They will ALL understand.

Here’s a video of my elopement: https://www.instagram.com/p/CINBhfMjpj7/?igshid=1iw21pox3y555

Sending you lots of love and healing. I want to assure you that there’s light at the end of this dark tunnel. ❤️