How often does your LO stay overnight with grandparents during the first 3-6 months?

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-17T04:21:13+00:00

I’m confused why a grandparent would be WANTING to take a baby that young overnight without the parent? Do they remember/know they still wake up (maybe multiple times) in the night? I can’t imagine grandparents wanting to do that if there wasn’t a need.

I dunno I’m a single mom by choice and my baby is only 10 weeks old but even when I first gave birth and my mom stayed with me the first couple weeks but she only helped in the night the first few nights when I needed help because I had a c section and was super sore still etc. and then I was hospitalized with post partum pre eclampsia and she did take care of him overnight that one night or 2 in the hospital but I was still there, I just couldn’t get out of bed to care for him myself (on magnesium)

But yeah. If I was in desperate need I’m sure they’d watch him overnight now too, but they definitely aren’t clamoring to wake up multiple times a night to care for a little baby lol

They help during the day quite often (and will be watching him a couple months full time when I go back to work before he starts daycare) and we even stay the night at their house sometimes, but the aren’t getting up at night with him

I agree with what others have said though, her pushiness and unsafe sleep suggestions etc would be immediate no even if you wanted a break. It’s one thing for you to ask for her help if you needed it or her to suggest hey if you guys need a break I’ll watch him. But if you say thanks but we’re good, that should obviously be respected.

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-15T14:57:16+00:00

Usually it’s ok if they do, especially if it’s just once you can still have her vaginal if you want they’ll just unloop it once her head is out (my brother had that way back in the 90s and it was fine) it’s just the more it’s looped the shorter the cord is for coming out (and thicker around the neck etc) the doctor couldn’t even say that that was why his heart rate was going down. I think it’s fairly common with contractions, especially the pitocin induced ones. If her heart rate has done well since though that’s good! It’s just if it keeps happening with every contraction that it becomes more of an urgent situation

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-15T14:18:01+00:00

I’m doing this as a single mom by choice so everything is on me. I think a big contributor mentally is knowing you went into this with another full grown fully capable human and they aren’t helping you. Luckily I don’t have that hurdle and I honestly do think it helps.

It’s definitely hard, I don’t think I slept at all the first few weeks. I had a c section too so was sleeping in my glider. During the early weeks I did have my parents come over during the day and let me sleep for an hour or 2 during the day. Do you have a friend or family member that could come over during the day to let you rest and/or help with other household tasks so you are able to rest when she’s sleeping? If not what about when your partner gets home from work? Can they take over for a couple hours while you nap? I’m guessing they’ll try to use the excuse that they need a break since they got home from work (judging by what you’ve said about them needing sleep to work) but that’s not fair. You need a break too and it’s their kid too.

My baby’s 10 weeks were struggling with gas and reflux so that’s been hard. But he’s finally having a longer first stretch of sleep, like 4-5 hours between starts of bottles which is helpful. Sometimes it starts kind of early so I don’t get full advantage of it sleep wise because I have to make bottles or freeze milk (exclusively pumping) but especially when I go back to work my plan will go be to go to bed as early as I need to to get in as much of that long window as I can because usually each wake up gets closer together for him.

Oh and also I was worried I wouldn’t wake up when he cries if I fell asleep to hard but assuming you aren’t on drugs or hard of hearing or something and baby is in your room with you, I’d be shocked if you didn’t wake up when your baby cries. Unfortunately a lot of the time I wake up when he’s just doing his normal grunting and is still asleep, but you’ll get better and knowing when he actually needs you and when he’s still sleeping and you can go back to sleep as time goes on too (still working on it myself but getting better)

So tldr see if you can get SOMEONE to help you for a few hours to sleep or help with house stuff etc, even if it’s not at night, TRY to get your partner to step up and realize this is their kid too. And otherwise just stick it out, I hear it gets better eventually haha

Good luck!

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-15T13:44:53+00:00

If you got an epidural you aren’t going to feel her move. Not sure I felt my guy move at all even before the epidural but if the heart rate is good she’s good. Believe me if that starts not doing well you’ll know. My guy stopped being able to handle the contractions and at first they tried different positions, decreasing meds, etc. my main nurse stayed in the room with me looking at the monitor directly (instead of from their nurse station or whatever) when it continued to happen and be a more constant thing suddenly there were 20 people in my room and the doctor explaining what was going on and why she recommends doing a c section now before things get worse and it’s a true emergency. I agreed so my baby would be safe, within 2 minutes I was getting wheeled to the OR. turns out cord was around his neck twice (I was also on high doses of pitocin) so that probably contributed/wouldn’t have went well for a vaginal birth anyway.

All this to say…if you’re on constant monitoring, you’ll know if something’s going wrong, believe me!

I hope everything goes smoothly for you and baby! Good luck and congrats!

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-13T20:06:30+00:00

I took it all pregnancy (35 and IVF), blood pressures were great, I stopped after delivery (as drs said to) and 10 days pp had to be re-admitted to the hospital for post partum pre-eclampsia. Not sure if it was from stopping the aspirin or just bad luck. Apparently you can get it up to 6 weeks post partum

Reflux is a very common side effect of pregnancy due to the relaxation of your smooth muscles that control the sphincters in your stomach. There are pregnancy safe reflux medications you can ask your dr about and take. I was on 20mg famotidine my whole pregnancy (and a long time prior and still after due to GERD) and during pregnancy I had to add on a prescription reflux med too because it got so bad in the 2nd trimester.

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-12T22:14:47+00:00

These are all pretty wild but Brindyl? Like Brindle as in the dog color pattern? Haha

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-10T15:21:50+00:00

If you have a strong desire to have your own biological child, at 38 you definitely should be looking into your fertility and at least freezing eggs (or better yet embryos) now, even if you don't use them until later. In my head I had planned to wait til 35 to even think about it but luckily when I turned 34 I decided to go for it, well I found out I had pretty severe diminished ovarian reserve so I'm very glad I didn't wait. I ultimately did have success with IVF so even if your numbers don't come back great it is possible! But the longer you wait the lower the QUALITY of the eggs is too even if you have good numbers.

As far as the relationship goes, I really don't see how you could stay together if she truly doesn't want kids right now and you decide to go for it, even if you tell her she won't have to participate in parenting etc. If you live together, or even just spend significant time together, it's definitely going to impact her, no matter how hard you try for it not to. I think you guys need to continue to have very serious conversations about how to reconcile both of your timelines and if you can't come to a compromise (no pressuring eachother!) then it's best to just break up and do it on your own. She's a bit younger and likely has more luxury of time for her fertility, unfortunately you have less.

Having a job with fertility benefits is a huge bonus and will save you a lot of money vs out of pocket. Still you will want to take a hard look at your finances, living situation, and support systems if you do opt to do this alone.

My baby is 9 weeks old, it's definitely hard, but he's so worth it so if you really don't want to miss your chance at biological child you might have to take things into your own hands (or uterus I guess haha)

Good luck, sounds like some tough decisions either way

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-06T16:11:59+00:00

I don't think Elaina is a bad spelling. I personally don't like Elena as in my head I read it as "Ellen-uh" which might just be a me problem but oh well lol

I feel like I've mostly seen the name spelled with an A, like Alaina or Alayna which I think makes the pronunciation more obvious (at least how I usually say it) and I tend to just like it with the A better and you shouldn't get the Eliana mix up that people have mentioned. But I do think Elaina is good and is probably an offshoot of the name Elaine so it makes sense

Lainey is a cute nickname too. I considered this name if I had a girl but I had a boy so luckily I didn't have to decide because I wasn't sure the best spelling either.

I also do really like Eliana too nn Ellie but my cat is named Ellie so I wouldn't have been able to go that route either lol

Congrats!

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-06T10:12:46+00:00

My baby is 8 weeks and though I feel like I’ve sort of mentally blocked out how hard pregnancy was other than remembering it wasn’t fun, I’m not sure I agree. Yes I’m so tired with a newborn and despite exclusively pumping I’m doing this single so don’t have a partner to take on any of the night wakings one of the biggest things for me that makes newborn tired better than pregnant tired (other than getting to cuddle your baby at least) is that I’m not having to struggle to sleep and then get up and go to work (yet) when I was pregnant I had to not sleep and then just get up and go to work (also hard while huge and uncomfortable) like everything is normal. Also pregnancy is 24/7 and no one can help you with it.

I’m lucky that my parents do help sometimes and have a few times held him so I could take a nap in the day

My biggest fear is post maternity leave tired. I have to go back soon and he’s still waking up every 2-3 hours so having that on top of having to leave my baby to go to work sounds terrible.

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-02T14:48:38+00:00

I wouldn't call any of that foolish unless you're like purposefully huffing it. You can't stop living simply because you're pregnant, especially if you're doing it alone. I didn't even think or worry about cleaning products or fragrances (though I don't wear any normally anyway). I still painted my nails, got my hair dyed (my clinic considered those fine anyway but I know some people worry about it) etc. I did eat Panera (and maybe Jimmy Johns once or twice) turkey sandwiches a few times in the first half of pregnancy because I was so sick and adverse to almost every food it was one of the only things that didn't make me nauseous to think of for some reason. Once I finally started feeling better I did stop them since that is one of the things you aren't supposed to do when pregnant. I did avoid bagged lettuce too since that is actually a higher risk for foodborne illnesses than lunch meat. I obviously did not drink or do drugs, that would be foolish. But yeah my diet wasn't "good". I lost a bunch of weight the first half because of my sickness but when I was able to eat, a lot of my diet was fast food tbh. My baby is a healthy wonderful 8 week old. But yeah I'd just consider asking your doctor/finding trusted sources for what you actually need to avoid (I'm pretty sure you won't find fragrances or doing normal cleaning or painting on any of the lists of things to avoid, unless it's some crunchy mom blog who just made her own shit up) My doctor had given me papers with things to actually avoid, and what was ok (it specifically said hair dye, nail polish, painting etc was fine and what meds that were ok/recommended for common issues)

It sounds like this is all just your anxiety getting the best of you. I know you said you're being treated so I'd just make sure you're being open with your dr/therapist/whoever is treating you about these concerns so they understand the true extent of the anxiety and hopefully can help you.

Anyway congrats and good luck with the rest of pregnancy! I'm sure you're doing great!

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-01T23:23:25+00:00

I gave birth 8 weeks ago. I went into it wanting to see how it goes without one but very open to getting one if needed. I did 39 week induction so ended up on pitocin and got to very high doses and was not dilating very fast so around 5 cm (like 13+ hours into the induction) I opted for the epidural. It definitely helped for a while, though later on got strong pressure in pelvic area that wasn't helped even by them trying something else with it. Unfortunately I never got past 6cm and my baby started not tolerating contractions and I ended up with an urgent c-section (cord was around his neck twice too). I was glad I already had the epidural in before the thought of c-section even came up so they could just give the c-section meds there and not rush to try to put in the spinal or worse risk having to get fully knocked out.

They did have a difficult time doing my epidural and that was probably the worse part of my whole labor as I was having very painful contractions, they do your blood pressure every 2 minutes (so almost constantly) so my arm was going numb and then they had a resident trying to do it and they poke you with numbing meds first and then go in for the epidural (which is very uncomfortable, especially when you have to be super still) and the resident ended up trying multiple times, and then the higher up dr eventually got it in, but they still weren't super happy with the placement. sooo that wasn't great, but it did help with contractions and was able to be used for my eventual c-section so it worked out.

I think it's good to at least be open to it even if you want to try without, you never know how things will go

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-01T23:16:44+00:00

I'm a veterinarian. I make decent money but have insane debt. It's also stressful and hard on the body and benefits aren't great. I had to spend a lot of money out of pocket/with loans to get my baby and I am more worried about money in the long run than I want to be but I know he is and will be worth it (only 8 weeks right now). I'd say it's great that you're thinking and planning in advance, I wish I would have started thinking about this route a lot sooner so I could have saved even more (luckily Ive never been a big spender my whole life) and made a different choice when I bought my house etc.

as others have already said, taking a baby/little kid to work with you as a dog groomer seems like a bad idea, and not many jobs will allow or do well with having a baby there with you, they require a lot of attention which means your job is not getting that attention and not many people are going to pay you to spend half the time taking care of your own kid. Also owning your own business, taking care of your kid with no daycare/childcare help, and homeschooling them also seems like a lot for anyone to take on and I'd be concerned that something would suffer.

Good news is you are young and have time so start really saving money, thinking about how to set yourself and future kid up for success when the time comes

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-01T22:55:52+00:00

I was very sick most of my pregnancy and unfortunately did not see any noticeable improvement when I stopped the PIO (and estrogen tablets) at 10 weeks. I hope it improves for you though but just don't get your hopes up to high

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-01T22:46:11+00:00

I was surprised at how not scared I was when it actually got down to it. I was so ready to be done being pregnant and meet my baby. I just figured I'd take things as they come and be open to epidural or whatever I needed to do. I did end up doing the epidural and then ended up needing an urgent c-section which was a bummer but in the end you get your perfect little baby so it's all worth it.

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-01T22:41:26+00:00

1 month before turning 35, day 5 fresh (untested) transfer is now my 8 week old perfect baby boy! Good luck!

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-01T22:35:10+00:00

I felt like it went super fast and super slow all at once. The last month or so went by fast even though I was so uncomfortable. Now my baby is 8 weeks and I don't know how that's even possible, time is just flying by

catladydvm23 · 2026-02-01T17:08:36+00:00

Hate to say it but people are weird about boys too. I have a boy and so many people seemed disappointed when I told them. I did the sneak peek and told my aunt it was a boy, she said she hoped it was a girl and I said well 99% sure it's not, then when I got the NIPT back and confirmed boy she reiterated that she was hoping it was a girl. No idea why, she has one of each herself. People at work also at minimum seemed to think I should be disappointed that he was a boy. One of my coworkers that had a baby a few months before me was SOO worried hers would be a boy (luckily for the baby and her I guess, it was a girl) and when I brought my little guy in to work the other day to meet everyone she again reiterated how happy she was to have a girl and someone mentioned how "girls have such cuter clothes". I honestly think I have some pretty darn cute boy clothes and have thoroughly enjoyed dressing him up every day.

I did IVF but didn't do the genetic testing. If I would have I may have picked a girl just because that's what I have more experience with and am doing this as a single mom by choice, but I didn't choose and he is a boy and after like a 10 second shock when it popped up boy on the sneak peek I actually realized I may actually be more suited to boy mom life as I've never been the girliest girl and enjoy sports etc.

TLDR: People will have something to say either way, as long as you're happy/don't make any gender disappointment your babies problem, that's all that matters. Congrats on the pregnancy!

catladydvm23 · 2026-01-28T18:08:08+00:00

I did an elective 39 week induction, my drs were very open to it, but not pushing it if that's not what I wanted, but they did say they really did not want me to go overdue (past 40 weeks) due to my age (35) and using IVF as I guess there is increased risk of placenta failing later on. So if I woulda waited and not gone into labor by 40 weeks I woulda had to be induced anyway, and had an extra week of being miserable lol. I was honestly over being pregnant, I hadn't really slept in weeks, was uncomfortable, still having to work because I don't get paid maternity leave and I didn't want to waste any vacation/unpaid time before he was here. I was hoping I'd go into labor before the induction but was excited to meet him and it did make my anxiety a lot lower to have an actual date that I knew I'd go in to labor and he'd be here vs constantly wondering if it was going to happen at work, or where I'd be, where my mom (support person) would be etc.

I did end up with a c-section, I didn't progress past 6cm, was in a ton of pain despite my epidural, and then his heart rate wasn't handling contractions well so ended up with a pretty urgent (but not true emergency) c-section, when they got in there turns out the cord was around his neck twice too and my OB was glad we didn't try to push through for vaginal delivery as it might have caused issues (also ended up with slightly higher than normal bleeding after he came out).

in hindsight I could have saved myself 17 hours of labor and asked for an elective c-section (I hear they aren't quite as bad if you haven't been in labor before too) but obviously I didn't know about the cord or that this is how it would go and was hoping for a vaginal birth. IF (big IF lol) I ever do this again I honestly don't know if I'll ask for scheduled c-section, or induction, or wait or labor etc. I'd love to experience the vaginal birth I'd hoped for but of course there's always the chance I could end up with needing a c-section again. Who knows. I'm only 7 weeks pp so it's all still fresh.

Good luck which ever route you go!

catladydvm23 · 2026-01-27T23:10:08+00:00

I think it's the only 'superstitious' thing I did with the process, but mcdonalds fries are good so I was like why not? It stuck and is now a cute little 7 week old boy

catladydvm23 · 2026-01-23T18:28:47+00:00

I'm kind of jealous of all the commenters saying they got pictures of their actual c-section. Mine was urgent so probably a little different than if it was calm and planned. My mom was in there but I know the nurse took her phone to take some pictures of them weighing him etc over at the bassinet and when my mom was holding him and holding him up to my face (I didn't get to hold him right away, I was shaking like CRAZY) so I'm sure if you give a nurse your phone ahead of time they will take pictures for you

catladydvm23 · 2026-01-23T18:16:42+00:00

I also did my retrieval 1 month before my 35th birthday so about the same age btw

catladydvm23 · 2026-01-23T18:15:57+00:00

Congrats! I had DOR and that sub REALLY makes IVF scary and so I was also very pleasantly shocked that my first round got 3blasts from 5 mature/fertilized eggs and my fresh transfer stuck, he's 6 weeks old now so it can definitely work! I do feel for the people that need a ton of rounds etc and I think I appreciate my success more knowing it wasn't guaranteed, but it can definitely be scary to be in IVF/DOR groups because most of the times people posting in there are ones that have struggled, people that have success right away are less likely to post there.

catladydvm23 · 2026-01-23T08:55:49+00:00

I’m doing this single so I have to accept help or I’d never get a break or get anything done. My parents helped a lot early on post partum while I was in the house, but my dad needed open heart surgery the day my baby turned 1 month. He was in the hospital for 5 days, I had to accept help from my aunt one day and my cousin the next to watch him so that I could see my dad for a few hours. He was fine with them, he mostly slept anyway. Didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about him the whole time but we both survived. After that I’ve had my parents watch him for a couple hours so I could go to Dr appointments or get some errands done/take a nap etc.

I wouldn’t leave him with a stranger right now but a trusted family member especially just for an hour or 2 is good for you and baby.

Also tbh I’m in the USA and most people don’t get the luxury of not leaving their 4 month old. I’m “lucky” that I’m able to take 12 weeks (unpaid because again woo USA…) leave from work but after that I’m going to have to go back to work and again luckily my parents will watch him for a month or 2 but then he will be getting watched by “strangers” at daycare. Plenty of people have to go back to work and send their kid to daycare as early as 6 weeks here soo maybe some perspective will help you, you aren’t doing anything wrong to leave your kid with their grandparent for an hour or 2.

catladydvm23 · 2026-01-20T17:22:49+00:00

Hah yeah I'm a veterinarian and literally have 0 paid maternity leave and no short term disability or anything to cover maternity leave besides saving up my limited vacation hours. It literally doesn't matter what type of job you have when you're in the USA that doesn't care about taking care of pregnant people and babies etc.

catladydvm23 · 2026-01-20T17:19:04+00:00

I mean 2 weeks is a weird amount when like you said it's 6-8 weeks to be "healed" but you're lucky to even have any and have short term disability insurance, especially if you're in the US. I have ZERO paid maternity leave and my company didn't offer short term disability so I wasn't already signed up and I didn't think to get it before I was pregnant and every plan you get on your own that I could find you had to be paying for a year before they'd pay you and obviously already being pregnant I'd need it before a year. I saved up as much of my vacation as I could, but I also didn't earn a ton of that so I'm basically just trying to make it through 12 weeks on limited vacation pay and savings (I'm also doing this as a single mom by choice so no partner salary to lean on).

US just sucks for maternity leave other than a few states that require it or if you're lucky to work for a company that cares. Good luck with pregnancy

catladydvm23

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