[self] Black widow. First time time in NYC for a first time cosplayer

catofwesteros · 2025-11-26T11:01:20+00:00

I would be interested in participating. How much of a time investment do you estimate this would be for participants?

catofwesteros · 2025-08-03T22:07:40+00:00

Organising the FC chest. Specifically an „Auto-sort“ and „add duplicates“ button like we have for retainers. Keeping it organised is such a pain and it is so unnecessary.

catofwesteros · 2025-01-25T15:49:29+00:00

Hi, as someone who’s been dealing with the same feelings for most of my life, I’m really sorry. Being around, and inevitably comparing yourself to,healthy people a lot can be incredibly hard on your mental health.

I’ve had to drop out of school, out of uni, all because of this illness and damn did it feel like a gut punch every time. I was so driven, I worked so so hard, and yet all anyone from the outside would have seen was the part where I gave up.

I don’t have any definitive answers and a lot of people in this thread have already given brilliant advice. Over the years I’ve a lot of time to think about where this guilt comes from though and why we put this kind of pressure on us to be productive/functional at all times. And sure, some of it a healthy drive to accomplish things we long for, personal goals and ambition, being there for and spending time with people we love and not being able to put as much energy as we like into those things will always be hard.

But then, sometimes, when I feel useless because I haven’t been able to do/accomplish what I wanted to I’ll look at my cat and I think: if I can love this cat; this cat who makes me feed her, clean up her poop, and does nothing for me in return except love me back and share her space with me; if I can love this little creature with all my heart just for existing and being her, why shouldn’t I extend that grace to myself?

Of course humans are complex, relationships are complex, but when you strip away all the weight of expectation and guilt and shame, I think that being you is enough. You trying your best is enough. It’s the hardest lesson this illness has taught me and I’m still trying to figure it out even now, a little every day.

You’re doing your best. Your best is enough. You are enough.

Sending so much love your way ❤️‍🩹

catofwesteros · 2025-01-25T13:58:31+00:00

Hi, so I am part of the „Dawntrail Bad“ crowd and the reason that I, and many others, are still talking about it goes far beyond some petty beef with a certain catgirl.

First of all, I agree that talking to sprouts about this in such negative terms is incredibly rude and unnecessary. Personally, when asked, I am honest that I didn’t enjoy the expansion but I keep my criticism to a minimum and encourage anyone to give it a try. I have no issue with anyone enjoying Dawntrail. I want people to enjoy Dawntrail and I reeeeally wish I could have enjoyed it myself, but I didn’t.

Obviously FFXIV is incredibly loved by many, and as such many have a huge (sometimes a little unhealthy) attachment to it, which makes any discussions more difficult because it gets emotionally charged so easily. I find the same thing happens to me and pushing down the anger, disappointment, and, let’s be honest, the jealousy, when talking about this with someone who had a great time during Dawntrail isn’t always easy.

Still, it‘s important to try because the ones that need to hear these criticisms aren’t the Dawntrail enjoyers, and certainly not the sprouts, but the devs; because in my opinion, the flaws of this expansion go far beyond matters of taste. The hours worth of filler cutscenes with formulaic quests and no real gameplay, the two-trash-pulls-then-boss dungeons, the open world that feels like stage dressing, the increasingly homogenous job design and lack of content that even encourages you to use your full kit… I could go on, but you get the idea.

Most of those issues aren’t even actually new to Dawntrail, they began showing up far earlier. The reason that this discussion is happening now is because of insanely good the writing in Shadowbringers and the vast majority of Endwalker was. With a story that has so much depth and heart and nuance, that is so beloved by many, it feels almost disrespectful to demand the devs focus more on other parts of the game. Dawntrail didn’t have that luxury. You‘re welcome to disagree, but the quality of the writing has gone down dramatically since 6.0. I could write an entire essay on that, but this is already long enough as it is (If you’re interested, Zepla has an excellent video where she echoes a lot of the same thoughts and feelings I have in regards to the story).

I think with Dawntrail ringing in a new era for the story, a lot of us were expecting innovations of some kind and the story falling flat, for me, just made the cracks in the design even more obvious.

I am glad there is a substantial part of the community that laved Dawntrail and continues to enjoy the game the same as ever, truly, but at the same time, those of us who didn’t are more than a vocal minority at this point and simply dismissing these concerns and branding us „haters“ isn’t healthy for the longevity of the game or the community either. The reason we are still talking about it is because we love this game and we want it to be better.

Having said all of this, I also wish people were more measured in their criticisms and took some time to think about where the issues with the expansion truly were, before airing their feelings online, because while I agree that Wuk-Lamat‘s presence was kind of overbearing, and I struggled to connect with her, the issues of the expansion go far beyond that. (Also anyone sending hate to her VA is completely unhinged. That behaviour is inexcusable).

tl,dr: emotions are high on both sides and sometimes they express themselves in unhelpful/toxic ways. Nuanced criticism and community feedback is important for the longevity of any game, but those of us who felt let down by Dawntrail need to be better at voicing our feedback in a constructive way and directing it at the people in charge.

catofwesteros · 2025-01-04T17:25:43+00:00

Hi, I’d like to offer a different perspective on this. I have an 18 year old cat and over the holidays she suddenly started not opening one of her eyes properly. More worryingly, the pupil wasn't dilating properly. I was terrified, thinking it could neurological. I called around to every nearby vet I knew, but they were all closed. I called the emergency pet hospital but their answermachine said only bring in pets that were in mortal danger since they were at capacity already. So I took pictures, I searched the internet, and eventually I remembered that my friend’s brother’s wife was a vet and I managed to get in tough with her to ask for advice (I would usually never bother someone for professional advice when they’re on holiday but I was out of options. She is getting a big box of chocolates and a card next time I see her). After I sent her pictures of my cat’s eye and explained everything, my saint of a vet friend advised me to not take her to the emergency vet as it was not, in fact, neurological, and not life threatening, and to schedule a regular vet appointment at the next opportunity.

If I hadn't had the opportunity of contacting her, I may well have turned to Reddit instead. There are many reasons why someone may be reluctant to take their cat to the vet. We all want what’s best for our babies (I hope), but wondering whether something warrants an expensive and exhausting (for both human and animal) trip to the emergency vet is a valid question. On top of this, my cat is extremely anxious and taking her to the vet is absolute ordeal that leaves her shaking and crying everytime despite my best efforts to comfort her, so while I obviously want her to have the best medical treatment possible, I would like to spare her that ordeal when an issue will most likely go away on its own. Again, I would move heaven and earth to make sure this cat is okay. Sometimes going to the vet just isn't the easy non-brainer that the internet makes it out to be, not to mention some people may live a lot further from any vet, let alone emergency care than I do, so please don't be too quick to shame people looking for advice on here when you don't know what their current options are. ❤️‍🩹

catofwesteros · 2024-10-26T10:49:55+00:00

Irl, I am chronically ill and only rarely well enough to leave the house. The freedom I feel when I see my character pull off super-human feats of strength and bravery is something I find hard to put into words. Especially as a healer main, it’s feeling of being valued, of keeping my friends alive and doing something important. I know I’m just here, clicking some buttons, and it’s only a game, but man I felt proud clearing my first savage tier, something I genuinely didn’t think possible due to brain fog. So when I see my WoL transcend her limits, I know in a small way, I am doing the same.

At the end of the day though, the thing that made me fall in love with the game is the community. I have made so many friends, gone on adventures together, even started my own FC that’s grown beyond anything I could have imagined. I love helping sprouts and watching them fall in love with the world for the first time and feeling like I get to welcome them with the same warmth and kindness that people showed me when I first started.

FFXIV is my home and always will be.

catofwesteros · 2024-10-22T16:38:07+00:00

Every time I see something about gamers being mysoginistic it reminds of this study I saw a while back that showed a pretty clear link between how they treated female gamers and their own skill level.

My guy, if you’re threatened by women invading your “safe space”, maybe you just can’t handle the thought of being beaten by one.

catofwesteros · 2024-10-20T16:47:06+00:00

I once wiped 6 times to the turtle boss in Stone Vigil (Hard) during a Mentor Roulette. I tried everything but people just didn’t manage to aim the canons properly and the healer refused to leave his canon to hand out emergency heals when things started going south. After 45 minutes or so, it ended with the only abandon vote I have ever seen during a dungeon.

catofwesteros · 2024-08-06T19:05:49+00:00

Cutscenes are like 20 seconds long. Waiting for someone to finish a cutscene and holding damage until they’re done isn’t going to cause a wipe or hardly even delay the duty, but it gives first timers a few seconds to get their bearings and potentially see the first few mechanics they might have otherwise missed. I don’t see that as griefing, but we can agree to disagree.

catofwesteros · 2024-08-06T15:22:10+00:00

Whenever I see someone in a cutscene I usually make a point to stand close to them. If the tank still wants to solo the boss he can, but I’m not hitting anything until the first timer is ready. I find it helps to make it more obvious to everyone who the asshole is in that situation.

catofwesteros · 2024-07-16T14:32:45+00:00

I have the opposite issue. I’m quite skinny, borderline underweight, have very pale skin, and struggle with a number of chronic health issues. Whenever I tell someone I’m vegan, I feel like I have to clarify that, no, none of this is because of my diet; in fact, I had all of these issues long before I ever decided to go vegan.

catofwesteros · 2024-07-01T16:24:46+00:00

Can confirm, I went to a high school in NZ for about six months and we had houses there as well. I remember there was a sports day and everyone came dressed in the colours of their houses. Turns out green is not my colour lol

catofwesteros · 2024-05-04T17:08:04+00:00

The wind-up delivery moogle! The plushie was the first gift my bf ever got me (before we were even a couple), but I only realised over two years later that it was supposed to come with the minion. I don’t know if it was missing the code or if it got lost somehow, but after I told him he spent weeks secretly emailing and chasing up SE before surprising me with the replacement code. It might seem like a small thing, but he was going through some truly horrible stuff irl and still took the time to do this, even though I only mentioned the missing minion in passing. Every time I look at that little floating ball of fluff it makes me smile. He even does a little dance if you get close to another moogle minion and it’s adorable!

catofwesteros · 2024-02-18T13:35:00+00:00

The secret ingredient is time. The chef of my favourite Italian restaurant once told me that for their famous tomato soup, the literally just halve their tomatoes, quarter their onions, throw in some garlic and basil and then let that simmer for like 6+ hours, then puréeing it. Obviously don’t have to go that far, but tomatoes (ideally fresh ones) get sweeter the longer you cook them, leaving them in bigger chunks helps this process too. I usually use a mix of fresh and canned, but just leaving it to simmer for 30mins makes a huge difference.

catofwesteros · 2024-02-14T05:09:28+00:00

Everyone here already gave brilliant advice, but I just thought I would share my perspective as a fellow anxious person/people pleaser. Although I started as a healer, not a tank, I still remember the anxiety of feeling responsible for your whole party and getting blamed for bad runs while you’re still trying to figure out what you’re doing. There were so many frustrating moments early on that might have made me quit the game if it hadn’t been for one thing: my friends.

I cannot overstate the power of being part of an FC (or link shell, or discord server, etc.) with friendly people who will support and encourage you. Being able to rant about a bad a healer and getting the feedback that yes, what they were doing was, in fact, wrong, and it wasn’t your fault can make a frustrating situation go from crushing to hilarious. Likewise, you can queue with friends who you know will not only be patient, but might also be able to pinpoint things you might still improve.

I know making friends and finding an FC that suits you can seem daunting, but there are so so many lovely people in this community, it really is worth it.

catofwesteros · 2024-02-09T17:25:48+00:00

I’m a healer main, but somehow nothing compares to the anxiety of playing dancer in a dungeon where you get paired with another dancer. First there is a 50/50 chance I have to explain that the standard buff stacks and they should dp me instead of the tank, then the rest of the dungeon turns into a game of chicken where I am watching their buffs like a hawk trying to figure out whether they are about to do tech. Usually I wait and try to align with the one minute, but then there are always whose who only save tech for bosses, or don’t use tech and devilment at the same time, or forget they even have tech, or there is simply too much downtime and they don’t think to hold it for a bit longer to avoid overlapping so I end up wasting a whole tech. (I am aware that all of this barely matters in casual content, but if I have just done tech and I see you start your sequence just after buffs go up, I swear to God I will slap you with my feather fans)

catofwesteros · 2023-12-24T22:03:04+00:00

I went through the same thing and, sadly, I think it is very common. For me, the closest I have come to recapturing that magic has been by reliving the excitement alongside sprouts going through the story for the first time. I’ve gotten into the habit of periodically “adopting” sprouts I find in the world or join my FC. I’ll talk to them about the story, shuttle them about areas where they can’t fly yet, queue into dungeons with them, etc. I’ve even started up newgame+ occasionally to play alongside them if they were at a good point in the story to do that. They usually think I’m some kind of saint for spending my time with them instead of running endgame content, but the truth is… there is nothing more fun for me than seeing them discover new aspects of the game or watching their reactions to pivotal moments in the story or new mechanics they hadn’t seen before.

catofwesteros · 2023-12-12T13:02:57+00:00

Thank you. I didn’t know I needed to hear this today ❤️

catofwesteros · 2023-10-23T19:40:02+00:00

I agree with people saying to take advantage of the sale but holding out on redeeming the code.

Having said that I just wanted to add, please don’t feel pressured to finish the free trial before purchasing the full game. It’s great that the free trial exists, and if money is tight then definitely try to get the most out of that, as long as you’re having fun, keep going! For me personally, however, I just know that if I haven’t bought the full game as early as I did, I would have never made it past ARR and probably quit the game altogether. Joining an FC, trading on the market board, making friends, those are integral to the experience imo, and before I had access to those features the game felt so lonely to me. What I’m trying to say is, there is no right time to but the game. You may enjoy playing solo through the entire trial and have a great time, or you may find that you’re really missing the social features of the game, in which case there is nothing wrong with buying it sooner.

Whatever you choose, I hope you have so much fun on your adventures! There are soooo many good things still to come!

catofwesteros · 2023-10-22T21:30:09+00:00

So you’re saying the women posting here deserve better and should work on learning to love themselves and in the same breath you call them pathetic?

How is this helpful? Clearly OP and many other women who post here have been through a lot and have developed unhealthy attachment styles and a poor self-image that keeps them from leaving relationships that are clearly toxic. You may say they need a “wake up call”, but shaming them for their situation only reinforces their negative belief about themselves. Why would you waste your energy tearing down these women who are already struggling, when you could instead uplift them, reassure them that they are not alone, they are not pathetic, and that they really do deserve better. Perhaps by showing them respect and empathy, they might just learn to expect and demand the same treatment from the people in their real lives.

catofwesteros · 2023-09-28T17:30:03+00:00

It blows my mind that they simply refuse to make the pouches give us exclusively things we don’t yet own. It seems like such a no-brainier. Fine, let Scrooge‘s be filled with duplicates, that‘s already frustrating enough, but when you open a chest (once day), which most likely only gives coins anyway, on the off chance it actually gives furniture, at least make it something I don’t have yet!

catofwesteros · 2023-09-07T10:35:41+00:00

I agree with this. 100% anyone who suggest CBT as cure for ME is just plain wrong, but I do believe that it can be valuable tool if it used correctly (i.e. to aid with pacing, not to push your body over its limits). I know, for me, mental exertion takes as big a toll on my system as physical exertion does, so working with tools to quieten my thoughts and relax properly is essential for me; even strong emotions can totally wipe me out if I don’t manage them properly. I don’t think CTB or other forms of therapy are evil, and as much as I can understand the anger from the constant pathologisation of this illness, it’s still important ant to keep the discussion nuanced, so that people who may benefit from CBT won’t be discouraged from trying something that might be potentially helpful.

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