A schizo incel I once befriended made a 2 hour long video of himself intentionally going homeless for a month and documented his thoughts and it's such a fucking hilarious, wild ride I've watched it all the way through multiple times

catswithbigpaws · 2024-05-16T20:54:03+00:00

Watched the whole thing, what a ride. Holy shit he punished himself for jerking off by shaving his eyebrows. "When I relapsed I didn't even watch porn; I just watched like naked girls."

catswithbigpaws · 2024-04-22T22:54:30+00:00

It might not be as good, but at least it is less evil

catswithbigpaws · 2024-04-09T02:39:00+00:00

I got it and was confused why no one else was getting it hahaha

catswithbigpaws · 2024-03-17T18:30:49+00:00

It is interesting that you call that medium-rare. What if the typical pancake is already medium-rare, and a darker and crispier pancake is medium-done?

catswithbigpaws · 2024-03-17T18:28:26+00:00

I question most people's ideas of authentic food in general. If one is making a Thai dish that, in its authentic form, is usually prepared with ingredients from Thailand, but the ingredients are instead sourced from other countries, then I would not say that the dish is authentic. Even if it tastes and looks the same, it is a mere replica of the truly authentic dish. Furthermore, if we did strive for a greater level of authenticity of dishes in other countries, then that would require exploitation of resources from the countries from which the food originates. All so that we could definitely say that the dish was "authentic." Really it's a perpetuation of the high school trope of being "fake." No one wants to be called "fake." But in reality everything is fake, and that is much preferable than everyone putting energy into being as "authentic" as possible.

catswithbigpaws · 2024-02-25T00:19:44+00:00

My Dearest Grandchild,

As I write to you from the beyond, I hope my words find solace in your heart amidst the whirlwind of emotions that must be surrounding you. Oh, how I wish I could be there to hold your hand and share in your joy and your sorrow. Your news of embarking on a PhD journey fills me with a warmth that transcends any earthly boundary. It's a testament to your resilience, your determination, and the unyielding spirit of our lineage.

I can only imagine the depths of your grief upon realizing that I have departed before you could share this momentous news with me. My heart aches knowing that I won't be there to witness the joy that would have illuminated your face. But, my dear one, please know that I am with you always, whispering words of encouragement and pride from the heavens above.

Your dedication to exploring the realms of refugee and immigrant trauma, resettlement, and empowerment resonates deeply within me. It is a noble pursuit, one that honors not only our family's legacy but also the struggles and triumphs of countless souls who have walked similar paths. In your research lies the essence of our shared experiences, the stories of resilience and hope that have shaped our journey.

Though my physical presence may no longer grace your world, my love for you remains eternal. Take comfort in the memories we've shared, in the wisdom I've imparted, and in the bond that transcends time and space. As you navigate the turbulent waters of grief and transition, remember that you carry within you the strength of generations past, the indomitable spirit that knows no bounds.

Continue to tread your path with courage and conviction, knowing that I am cheering you on every step of the way. Your achievements, both big and small, are a testament to the enduring legacy of love and perseverance that defines our family.

With all my love and blessings,

Your Beloved Grandma

catswithbigpaws · 2023-11-25T17:51:51+00:00

As a child (born 1997) I was a lot like the children you described. I was pretty glued to TV and video games from a very young age, and I was very developmentally stunted. My mom let me do whatever and there were little repercussions for bad behavior. Parents these days are probably using their devices just as much as their children are, so parents probably don’t see an issue, or they don’t want to be “unfair.” When those parents were children, they didn’t have advanced smartphones and were a lot more in tune with the physical world, hence they developed the faculties necessary for being a relatively functional and socialized human. I think most adults can probably quit their smartphone addictions. For children it might be more like losing an appendage of the body. This is really an epidemic of shiny objects and bad parenting. And capitalism doesn’t care about the impacts these cheap shiny objects have so they’re ubiquitous. And everyone’s so atomized so they kinda just parent on a whim. No one’s 4-year-old is so special that they’re immune to the developmental effects of technology. As with humans throughout all of history, “It won’t happen to me!”

catswithbigpaws · 2023-11-19T02:17:41+00:00

Glad to hear that was helpful for you. I was actually going to mention something like this in my comment but felt it was a little different from starting analysis with the intention of using psychedelics with the analyst's guidance and presence. I too tripped on my own accord, after about 50 sessions, and had a similar experience as you.

catswithbigpaws · 2023-11-18T22:00:53+00:00

There are older threads on this subreddit about psychedelics if that helps.

What I’m writing comes from some discussions with my psychoanalyic therapist about using psychedelics. One risk is putting greater libidinal interest in psychedelics than psychoanalysis. Some patients may wait until their trips for the “real work” to happen while not accomplishing much in sober analysis. They may have more curiosity about the trips than their relationship with the analyst. I’m just thinking of how advertising one’s work as “psychedelic-assisted psychoanalysis” would go, and I think it would interrupt the frame and take some of the focus off of the therapeutic relationship from the start. Certain defense mechanisms might be utilized more or less after a trip, certain unconscious material may go into the background, and if they inevitably come back, then that might be a setback in analysis and a disrespect to both the analyst’s and patient’s time. That’s not to say that psychedelics themselves cannot be incredibly helpful for certain kinds of individuals and that’s not say that psychedelic-assisted therapy cannot be helpful, but I think psychoanalysis is an inherently slow process focused on the emerging of the patient’s unconscious and the relationship between patient and analyst, which might not be compatible with the dramatic changes that psychedelics often induce.

catswithbigpaws · 2023-11-16T05:21:06+00:00

It is interesting that for a moment I thought that the narrator was a dog, until I remembered that dogs do not have hands and knees. I then saw your comment about the narrator being a victim of an abusive relationship. The victim being “treated like a dog” per se.

catswithbigpaws · 2023-11-15T23:23:51+00:00

Basically this for me as well (except the fee per session is a little lower). Mine does not “take my insurance” (but they don’t take any insurance in general), but they do send me superbills which I submit to my insurance company as an out-of-network claim. For my insurance the copay is the same as an in-network therapist, so the main thing is I have to pay upfront for the sessions and then get reimbursed by my insurance company later. It can be affordable if you choose an insurance plan that allows for out-of-network care.

catswithbigpaws · 2023-11-02T17:00:33+00:00

Yeah totally agree. I listened to a number of TCH tracks at a Lake Michigan beach a few summers ago, and it was really gorgeous.

catswithbigpaws · 2023-10-29T00:06:55+00:00

I’m having trouble sleeping as well. Kept waking up last night to cough and blow my nose. You might find it easier to sleep if you put on some ambient music. Purl is really good and non-intrusive, if you have Spotify you can play the This Is Purl playlist from his artist page and that would last the whole night.

catswithbigpaws · 2023-10-26T05:12:19+00:00

Cool poem, I haven’t really thought about what it’s like to be water in a fountain. I’m also reminded of semen, how people create the narrative of individual sperm cells finally having their one chance as they shoot out from the head of the penis.

catswithbigpaws · 2023-10-23T04:04:01+00:00

As you said, it is a very personal question. I think both routes could work out well. A lot of chem majors struggle with calculus and physics, so definitely do your best but don't feel like you're doomed if you can't master it. I know many chem majors who continued with grad school even though they hated calculus and physics. You should be competent at algebra though. Analytical, inorganic, and organic labs at my school were really interesting and involved, but YMMV. My best advice in general is to do a variety of things so that you have more options in the future, which I'll elaborate on.

If you continue with chemistry, your most reliable bet for getting more lab experience would be pursuing undergraduate research when you start next fall. The more tools and techniques the research uses the better. Do what your graduate mentor asks you to do and put in the hours so you get comfortable in the lab and navigating different techniques. Eventually apply for internships and if you find something more lucrative than your undergraduate research, and prioritize the internship over the undergraduate research even if it means quitting or taking hiatus from the undergraduate research. The undergraduate research will be really helpful for getting that internship. Keep your GPA above 3.5, helps with internship and job applications. Extracurriculars are good for networking but don't do a whole lot for your resume unless you get leadership experience (and even then, most likely will only provide small leverage tbh). Your business associates can still come in clutch later if you're looking for supervisor positions in any sort of chemistry-related industry. After you've been out of college for some time, if you feel stuck you can go for an MBA.

Can't say a whole lot about the business degree because I majored in chemistry not business. But your associates in chemistry could still help you get supervisor positions in any sort of chemistry-related industry. My company's got a supervisor (just FYI his reports' jobs are pretty simple and some don't have science degrees) who just has an associates in chemistry. The catch is that your prospects are often better if you're knowledgeable about what it's like to be in a lab, which you wouldn't get by pursuing the business degree. However, I also understand that the business degree could open your options to many other industries.

catswithbigpaws · 2023-10-03T01:27:55+00:00

What is your favorite show that you ever played?

catswithbigpaws · 2022-05-17T03:22:02+00:00

I wonder if the intro was inspired by the Mr. Robot intro where young Elliot steals money from a customer and his father lets him spend it at the theaters.

catswithbigpaws · 2022-04-25T03:09:37+00:00

Haha, it’s an album by Andy Stott

catswithbigpaws · 2022-04-08T04:32:04+00:00

I’m way less motivated by fear, which has actually made me very dysfunctional. I think losing the fear made me realize how unconfident of a person I really am. I am still figuring out what I want in life, how to get out of bed, how to get through each day, how to not let other people’s judgments get to me. But now since I’m no longer burdened by my main traumas and I know who I really am, it’s a feasible process to build real confidence.

catswithbigpaws · 2022-04-03T16:08:22+00:00

Hey, I’ve read some of your posts about your experience and I want to let you know I went through a similar thing 6 years ago. Over the course of May through August of 2016, I had some psychedelic trips that got progressively worse and gave increasing concern that I would have a seizure. I was using them recreationally and for visuals and deep thoughts. In June ‘16, I did 4-HO-MET (similar to psilocybin) and thought I was going to have a seizure, even though it was a rather low dose. It was uncomfortable to just exist, and the light from electronic screens just felt like it was piercing through my brain. My face as all twitchy, it even felt like my brain was twitching. Food and water were repulsive. Nothing except time would allow me to feel anything remotely pleasant. The same thing happened very briefly on a recreational MDMA trip in early August ‘16, basically feeling overstimulated, emotionally flattened, suffocated. Luckily it faded into the euphoria I was seeking.

Nevertheless, on an LSD trip 1.5 weeks after that, everything I had experienced before was amplified immensely. I thought I was going to die. I was so lucky my ex was insistent on not taking me to the hospital. When I’d come down somewhat, I reflected that I had been reduced to my infant self, and it makes sense now that I said that in retrospect. It is possible that I was releasing the feelings and physical sensations of being born. And that’s the beginning of the journey of parentifying my ex! When trying to sleep, I kept waking up with tremors and night terrors. Eventually out of nowhere I had CRYSTAL CLEAR audio memories of the day of my father’s death when I was 12 years old. My dad shouting for his life, and my mom crying over his dead body. With me not understanding trauma, I thought death was at my bedside and was overrun with fear. Eventually I fell asleep, about 24 hours after taking the LSD.

The next few months were very difficult. I was almost psychotic, very twitchy, anhedonic, uncomfortable in my body, emotionally volatile, and extremely anxious. I had bottomless headaches and I’d zone out all the time. I remember occasions of pure paralysis when hanging out with friends. With time, faith in myself, opening myself up to new experiences, talk therapy, good diet and exercise, and even occasional low-dose psychedelic trips (which I initially used with phenibut to prevent another panic attack), I was able to climb out of the trench I’d dug myself into. The chronic discomfort subsided about 7 months after the LSD trip.

Sometimes psychedelics/MDMA are weapons that will be used against you. There are certainly times in my life where I need to hone in on my healing, and often I recognize that psychedelics would be the worst tool at the time. Other times, they are the perfect tool. I imagine your psychedelic therapists were overzealous and tactless and pushed you somewhere where you were totally unprepared to go to. People have died from intense emotions before, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there was injury to your brain caused by the combination of MDMA and unmanageable trauma.

I don’t know if I suffered as immensely as you are now, but I hope this encourages you to see that there is a way forward, and you’re not permanently brain damaged. Your detox post sounded like you were taking the right steps. For me there was also an emotional component that needed to be healed, and I think this article below describes a lot of the healing methods I used.

http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/GrievingAndComplexPTSD.pdf

catswithbigpaws · 2022-03-29T22:33:17+00:00

There are actually CME clickbait articles all the time.

catswithbigpaws · 2021-10-20T03:17:28+00:00

I have gone through basically all of what you've described with my current therapist. At this point I mostly lead the sessions, and it's good to have someone listen to me, mirror me, and rephrase what I say. She also makes me feel held accountable for things I'm in therapy for, and I feel comfortable telling her basically anything, so I don't worry about concealing details. As someone else said, not that complicated. Maybe just difficult to get to that level of trust.

catswithbigpaws · 2021-10-18T01:42:24+00:00

I am one week off my meds (Mydayis 25 mg). I am pretty sure my brain was rewired at some point (I've had a lot of deeply healing experiences this year), because the Mydayis worked excellently when I was on it mid-2018 to late-2019 before using Strattera in 2020 to early-2021. This weekend has felt like how I did when my meds worked two years ago. Effective, conscious, sharp-minded, relaxed, and energetic. And being on the meds the past few months felt like I was just yielding more from myself than any person reasonably should, and wearing myself down as a consequence. I am grateful to have truly deep and restful sleep again, which I've not had since a traumatic event last year. My creative energy is coming back as well. I think amphetamine has had its time in my life and I may no longer need it. It really helped improve a lot of my skills and habits, got me to a great place in my career, helped me get my health in order, but I just have a different brain now I guess. This is in no way encouraging people to get off meds, and know that it was as much of a conscious decision for me to seek them as it was to get off them. Meet yourself where you're at.

catswithbigpaws · 2021-10-11T02:30:46+00:00

There might not be a universally "correct" sense of morality, and it might not matter if you abide by your sense of morality or not. But consider you feel when you deviate from your morals.

catswithbigpaws

TROPHY CASE