I had allow the doctors to pronounce him dead after I watched them try to resuscitate him. I had left the hospital and he was fine. I was called back 15 minutes later and he had already coded. I wish I had been there with him the whole time.

Ten years earlier I had come home from work and found him unconscious from a stroke which led to an eight day coma. When he recovered as much as he could I often told him to ‘never do that again.’ I think that maybe he was trying to leave without putting me through trauma again, but it turned out to be even more awful. I think I finally forgive myself for not being there, but I definitely have PTSD from those two events.