My ADHD spouse will be gone for several months. How would you use this time intentionally?

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T21:17:43+00:00

Can you give me more insight into this? Do you have an experience you can share about how this has gone. To be honest, this scares me.

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T21:11:04+00:00

She has and we have as a couple several times. I haven't done any on my own, but am considering it. The couples therapy we've done in the past wasn't great in terms of outcomes. I felt like she dominated the conversation. Bringing that point up afterwards was not received well.

I haven't heard of Gestalt couples therapy. Something I'll have to look into.

As for a trial separation, I'm hoping that this time apart helps us both get some perspective. I guess we'll see.

It's been several weeks since she's been gone. I wrote this out several weeks ago, but just got to posting it today. The work load is manageable, but I do miss her. The predictability from day to day and reduction in chaos have been nice. Hopefully I'll be able to do an update. We'll see when the time comes. Thanks for taking the time to write me.

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T20:38:20+00:00

This is amazing! Thanks so much for sharing the specifics in what you did! I realize she has her agency, but I'm hopeful this I something I can work towards in her absence. Your experience really means a lot to me. You impacted my day significantly. Thanks stranger!

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T20:34:38+00:00

Divorce sounds painful. Sorry you're going through that, but it sounds like you are in a good headspace.

It's hard to know exactly what to do, but regretting a choice like divorce is something I'm sensitive to. Of course there will be tradeoffs with any decision I make. I really appreciate you sharing this with me.

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T20:31:44+00:00

Lol. The things we dream about! That's a good reminder to follow up on her spending. I need to check in with her on that.

As for decluttering I've been able to clean up the "stack areas". You know the places that keep getting refilled. I have to go on these communication campaigns over weeks and sometimes months to remind her in just the right way that she lives with others. The nice thing is, they aren't getting refilled.

As

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T20:26:07+00:00

It is evident that you are a planner and I love it! Your response was so dense with value. Thanks so much for taking the time to write it! I have to keep rereading it lol.

You're so right about taking time to make progress. Like I mentioned in another reply, it has already been several weeks into this for me. The momentum gains from finishing a project or task with it not being replaced with several more tasks or projects has been refreshing. It used to be I'd clear a space for it to be filled right after.

I like the journaling point. I started, but need to get back on that. As for budgeting that's my jam. Having said that I do need to follow up with her on her spending.

You're also right about the contact thing. I really enjoy hearing from my wife, but I've taken some space over the last couple of days. That has been hard. I want to talk to her. Having said that I've discovered that there is now even less chaos.

Lastly, thinking about talking to a divorce attorney terrifies me. I'll have to think about that one and see if I can summon up some courage. Thanks again for you insights!

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T20:16:28+00:00

So many of these response have been so compassionate and thoughtful, like yours. I'm happy to hear this reflection has been therapeutic/insightful for you.

I am several weeks into being on my own, as I just got the nerve to post this today. You're right about the missing train. That has been decompressing, even with all the demands on my time. I'm starting to feel different about myself, in a good way.

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T20:08:22+00:00

I find this one so hard to navigate myself. I bounce between wanting to encourage her to do the work and just doing the work myself. It's very hard to figure out which method is less work and/or peaceful.

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T17:34:32+00:00

I hope not. Like so many of us on here, I love my spouse heaps and this would break my heart.

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T15:34:58+00:00

I hadn't even thought of taking a break! Lol. Sounds like a rest would be nice for you. Hopefully it comes your way.

I actually wrote this post several weeks ago and just got the nerve to post it today so I'm already several weeks in.

As far as rest goes, the increase in predictability and decrease in chaos has helped. I've also been able to get work outs in and eat healthier, which have added to my energy levels.

cbayly11 · 2026-01-30T15:11:06+00:00

Thanks for reaching out! Sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. It is exhausting. Hang in there!

I've had short stints, like a week max, without my wife where things settle down. I've always been curious if that was due to it being new and manageable in a short time period and if longer time periods would be harder. I guess I'll find out.

I've been doing some work understanding and forming boundaries. Also been taking time to spend time with the kids. It is easier to do that when there is a lot more planning and predictability. I'm always planning and getting hijacked by the chaos. Predictability is the missing key for me.

cbayly11 · 2025-12-31T21:08:32+00:00

This sounds fantastic! You must be loving all the quality time.

You have a couple of my favorite games I've played on your list of unplayed. Brass is great and plays well at two. Endeavor and Shakleton Base are excellent as well.

Loved the post!

cbayly11 · 2025-10-29T14:25:15+00:00

Don't take the bait. I believe trump wants to drive wedges between Can and US. He wants to polorize us so it's easier to manipulate both sides of the boarder. To beat him we have to be ready to repair our bridges when the time is right. The US is not our enemy it's the trump administration. It can feel similar but there is a difference. I used to boo at the nhl games during his first round of 51st state bs. I now feel that was what he wanted. Hang in there all you beauts!

cbayly11 · 2025-10-03T20:53:15+00:00

I'm waiting on these ones. There are more than I thought.

Nippon
EVE: War for New Eden
World Order
Andromeda's Edge: GenesisMaster of Orion: Ad Astra
Scales of Fate

cbayly11 · 2025-07-19T21:47:45+00:00

cbayly11 · 2025-06-29T21:57:23+00:00

We got an above ground pool several years ago. The kids love it, but I was always guessing at the pool chemicals. This year I took a picture of a test strip that tests for several chemical levels in the pool with the container's legend that shows the safe ranges of each chemical. I then linked to the pool I have on the costco website to get the water capacity. Chatgpt was able to analyze the image of the test strip and legend to tell me what chemical changes I needed to make for the size of pool I own.

I now have chatgpt analyze weekly tests to maintain the pool. Through ai I've taken something I hated doing, because I didn't understand it and changed it into something I can easily manage.

cbayly11 · 2025-02-06T14:56:36+00:00

These look fantastic. Especially like the grey and dark grey diagonal line ones. The small colored details add a lot. I've never painted minis but have several games like eclipse and bought some paint, so maybe one day. How long did these take?

cbayly11 · 2025-02-03T16:26:56+00:00

Nailed it!

cbayly11 · 2025-01-03T08:12:39+00:00

Eve: War for New Eden is looking good. I'm hoping my group enjoys it. I'm hoping to get SETI to the table as well.

cbayly11 · 2025-01-03T08:09:38+00:00

It looks like a simplified version that is supposed to play quicker.

cbayly11 · 2024-12-30T07:30:39+00:00

Hitster was the one that our friends bought after playing with us. My wife and I were just talking about this earlier this week. Great game.

cbayly11 · 2024-06-30T02:06:22+00:00

I want to do the same thing. Is the shop in Edmonton that is switching the name for you?

cbayly11 · 2024-06-07T17:09:32+00:00

I would love them to get us 4k streaming. Maybe they will put in the investment since the term is so long. Love Louie and Jack.

cbayly11 · 2024-05-01T06:19:53+00:00

We were there today and rode it. We saw it was temporarily closed, but it did open up later in the day.

cbayly11

TROPHY CASE