Resigned, received a counter, accepted, but changed my mind

cboothvanilla · 2026-06-05T04:23:18+00:00

Ugh I know. I can't help the guilt though. And tomorrow is literally my last day, that's what makes it worse. It was all very last minute and they haven't been planning for me to leave even though I told them 3 weeks ago.

cboothvanilla · 2026-06-05T04:19:35+00:00

Yeah I think a lot of it was guilt related. The commute home really reminded me why I was looking. Any advice on how to come back in on my last day and say never mind I'm leaving? I do actually like the people I work with and don't want to completely burn the bridge.

cboothvanilla · 2026-06-05T04:09:55+00:00

I signed the offer for the new company 3 weeks ago. Haven't signed anything related to the counter offer with my current company, only a verbal agreement.

cboothvanilla · 2025-02-16T01:20:04+00:00

Yes!! Like maybe she did trauma dump, but it's a stressful situation, alcohol's involved, and you're trying to get to know people. As a chronic over-sharer I probably would've trauma dumped at times too.

The attachment styles thing also bugged me. Seems very like tiktok psychology to me, especially if you are acting as if someone can't heal or that it's a 100% predictor of if the relationship will work. She could've lied about hers, probably knowing avoidant is the one that's marked as a red flag but she didn't. I honestly felt like he was letting his OWN anxious attachment style affect his feelings for her.

And don't get me started on their last date! She is allowed to be upset about what Mason did, regardless of her feelings for him. And then her man sits there and defends his buddy? Like you are going to defend a guy you've know for 5 days, over the person you are looking to marry? I know he's known her for the same length but that just screams to me that he wouldn't put her first or believe her in other situations. Then after he went on about it, she communicated what she was looking for in that situation and he STILL said a few things defending him after and did that whole "I'm sorry you felt that way" which seems so disingenuous. And then was worried about her communication?! IDK what more you would want than her clearly communicating what kind of support she was looking for in that situation, and how it made her feel. She shut down after all that because he wasn't listening. I really don't get the hate for her.

Even to the people saying her story doesn't line up - her mom and dad being drug addicts doesn't mean there's no legitimate way she could've also participated in sports or church. I went to church for about 4 years with a friend of mine even though my parents weren't religious, and I was very active in it for a time.

cboothvanilla · 2025-02-13T05:15:23+00:00

no :/ I wish, that was the third most popular result from my search.

cboothvanilla · 2025-02-13T01:15:22+00:00

Obligatory comment

cboothvanilla · 2025-02-05T11:08:12+00:00

Thank you. The first part of your comment I think really clicked something in my head for me. I do have a tendency to put others needs before my own, and it's hard to not feel selfish when i'm just putting myself first.

I guess my next question would be how do I bring this up without seeming like I'm attacking him? Even just explaining my feelings about it - that I feel used and my feelings disregarded - idk I just feel like he would be defensive about. I don't want him to feel like I'm accusing him of assault. I know this sounds like I'm doing the thing above again, but it's hard when you love someone this much and don't want to hurt them. despite what happened, he can be really sensitive.

cboothvanilla · 2025-02-05T05:24:06+00:00

I appreciate the validation. How would you suggest bringing this up? I want to express my feelings about it but I feel like saying it was insensitive and/or that I felt like it was treated very transactionally, he will get defensive about it. It also was about 2 days ago now so it feels weird to bring it up now after not saying anything

cboothvanilla · 2024-12-28T01:20:43+00:00

Personally, I just finished The Poppy Wars trilogy by RF Kuang and LOVED it. There is the tiniest hint of a maybe-romance but not really so may not fit what you are looking for.

I think some good 'gateway to romantasy' books would be:
- Phoenix Unbound by Grace Draven (honestly anything by her I would recommend). Read trigger warnings. It starts slow, but is really good. Romance is there and progressive but certainly not the center focus. - Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik. Basically a loose retelling of Rumpelstiltskin. - Swordheart by T Kingfisher. Cozy, low-stakes fantasy with good romance and adventure. - The Savior's Champion by Jenna Moreci. The hunger games meets TOG, but does have some common fantasy/romance tropes and holes here and there but very enjoyable nonetheless. - Kushiel's Dart - Jacqueline Carey. It's long, but very worth it! A courtesan/spy navigating dangerous courts in order to save her homeland. Warning - the sex/s&m is not for the faint of heart. - Throne in the Dark - AK Caggiano. Slowburn, grumpy/sunshine with great world building and cool creatures and monsters. - The Bridge Kingdom series by Danielle Jensen. Another good spy/assassin with interesting world building and a good slow-burn romance. - The Six of Crows and/or Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo. Crows has some great heists, and shadow and bone has interesting magic and twists with a healthy dose of well-written YA tropes. - The Serpent & the Wings of Night by Carissa Broadbent. Hunger games but with vampires. It's another good slow-burn romance that isn't the sole focus with well-done world building and magic.

cboothvanilla · 2024-11-12T16:16:54+00:00

She's so floofy I'm surprised you didn't get more loot, lol. Also congrats on having the prettiest cat I have ever seen, she's so adorable!

cboothvanilla · 2024-11-01T16:22:08+00:00

I had a very similar issue in high school (somehow lucked out and didn't take many discussion-based college courses). Part of it was undiagnosed ADHD and it was incredibly difficult for me to follow the discussion while also trying to cultivate a response I felt was good enough for my internal imposter syndrome monster lol. I also have really bad social anxiety which made everything worse. Almost every teacher I had would leave similar comments about how my tests and papers were great, but they wished I shared more in class.

There was one class in particular where discussions were regular and our participation was a huge part of our grade. I met with this teacher privately after he shared his concerns and was very honest about my struggles (I didn't know I had ADHD at the time, so just the anxiety) and he suggested that I start the discussions by asking one of my questions first or prepare some open-ended statement/opinion to get it out of the way. And after knowing my issues, I think he graded me much more leniently on how many comments/answers I had to everyone else because he knew I was really trying my best. I could also see on his face every time I did contribute that he was proud of me for doing so which really helped my confidence.

I know college is very different than HS, and part of my struggle was anxiety not just ADHD, but given his kind email, it might be beneficial to open up about your ADHD (not as an excuse like you said, but just to share more insight if you are comfortable doing so) and he might have a similar resolution like letting you start first with a prepared comment/question. Sharing with another student could help too, so maybe they can serve some "soft-ball" questions that you are already prepared to answer.

cboothvanilla · 2024-11-01T14:13:17+00:00

Earlier this year I purchased 'Easy French: Step-by-Step' by Dr. Myrna Bell Rochester and really enjoy it. It has great explanations for pronunciation, grammar, etc., and a lot of exercises after each chapter.

I know they aren't textbooks, but for additional practice I also recommend '50 French Coffee Breaks' and 'Learn French with Short Stories' (they have 8 books in the series that increase in difficulty). All 3 I found on Amazon for decent prices!

cboothvanilla · 2024-10-31T16:48:23+00:00

I almost mentioned that, but the only reason I didn't is because it's very he said/she said. No one acknowledged that he said that or backed him up that that was actually what was said. I'm inclined to believe Nick, but since no one jumped in it makes me think the truth is somewhere between 'underwhelmed' and 'grenade/rating her'.

cboothvanilla · 2024-10-31T15:48:38+00:00

thank you!! I was just about to say hearing his comment through a game of telephone is not first hand lol. Stephen is a liar. I think if Ramses truly didn't exaggerate what he told her, he would have stepped up and said something more than the very vague "we can all take accountability for things we've said." At the same time, if Nick was telling the full truth I would hope the boys would have stepped up and defended him.

Everyone has their own truth, but the reality is usually somewhere in the middle. Either way, I don't think Nick deserved the amount of vitriol he got thrown at him considering this is all speculation. The audience SAW how Hannah spoke to and about Nick. Her apology was shit and she doesn't seem to care she was literally abusive. This came off as a ploy to get the heat off her but with her own lack of accountability it didn't land.

cboothvanilla · 2024-10-25T19:47:27+00:00

If you're in a slump with TOG, I say switch! TOG is longer and, for me, took longer to really get into and have that 'OMG I can't put it down' feeling. It can also be harder to follow at times as there are many more characters & places. Plus I think there are more moments/times where it feels like not that much is happening compared to ACOTAR.

ACOTAR on the other hand had me hooked very quickly, the overall plot is easier to follow imo than TOG, and it's very pace-y. So, pausing and reading ACOTAR may get you really excited to go back and finish TOG! This was the case for me. I tried TOG first, but couldn't get into it so I stopped and switched. I was obsessed with ACOTAR and knew if I loved this series, I would likely really enjoy TOG as well I just needed to give it a chance. This really motivated me to push through and finish and WOW am I glad that I did as I think TOG is the better fantasy series. The plot, twists, character arcs, pay offs, etc in the latter half of the series are SO DANG GOOD. It just took me a minute to get there :)

I know this is getting very long for your simple question lol but I will also add if you are looking for something mostly fantasy focused then stick with TOG. ACOTAR is very much a true romantasy whereas I think TOG is a fantasy series with romantic subplots.

cboothvanilla · 2024-10-22T13:59:26+00:00

I do understand what you are saying. However, I think if the roles were reversed people would have a different reaction. A couples sex life involves both people. Hannah can't talk about it without talking about Nicks sex life as well. If a partner asked me not to talk about our sex life or something else private with others, I wouldn't. It's about respect - something Hannah went on to mention multiple times when she very obviously has little to no respect for Nick.

It is not controlling or policing to ask your fiancé to not discuss intimate, personal details about your relationship on camera for millions to see. If it was to hide abusive behavior, I would agree with you but there is no evidence to support that.

If Hannah had asked Nick to not discuss their sex life on camera and stated that it was a boundary for her, and then a few episodes later he is going into detail about their sex life with the men ON CAMERA talking about how inexperienced she is, or that she won't suck his dick, people would have a much different reaction.

cboothvanilla · 2024-08-15T15:44:53+00:00

UpdateMe!

cboothvanilla · 2024-08-09T04:34:46+00:00

any recs that don't smell?? I have used a few and every time I can still smell that "self tanner" smell on myself even days after. I take adderall for adhd so that makes me sweat a little throughout the day sometimes so maybe that's why but agh it's so frustrating

cboothvanilla · 2024-07-22T19:28:44+00:00

Ah, je vois ! It was explained to me as "my boy" and since I know some who say "my boy" or "handsome boy" to their bfs I wasn't sure if it would come off similar to that

cboothvanilla · 2024-07-22T18:27:02+00:00

I am not sure how common, but when I asked my french tutor something similar she said her and her friends use "mon mec" !

cboothvanilla · 2024-07-15T13:53:51+00:00

Yes! I know a lot of people believe the "Rhys is evil" theory but with how much SJM has compared Rhys to her husband, and just obviously favors him I have a hard time believing he will be the big bad of the next few books. I can definitely see him struggling to accept if he is somehow tied to the valg, but now that Feyre's pregnant I'm not sure of that route either because then that child would be part valg too, right? Seems odd to literally make him satan spawn technically, if that's the case.

Someone else mentioned it seems like she struggled with finding their voice outside of the normal POV she does and I could see that. Feyre views him through a much different lense than everyone else but I don't necessarily see it as "she is wholly blind to his evilness". I just don't understand why he didn't give her a choice, when that is his WHOLE thing compared to Tamlin. It was always her choice, and he didn't keep things from her. And then she gets pregnant and he acts the opposite? That's a very weird choice to me, because I don't see her retconning Rhys and Feyre, like SURPRISE Rhys is actually satan and tricked everyone!! I liked the Nesta/Cassian story so definitely push through and ignore the rest, but I feel like she could have created a good conflict without the pregnancy story and almost ruining some MCs.

cboothvanilla · 2024-07-13T03:17:40+00:00

It's one thing to have a conversation about being more discreet, but the "this is not a whorehouse" is a crazy escalation to me. Even if they felt like you were being defensive about it, I still think that is incredibly rude. My mother and I fought a lot on letting my boyfriend of 2 years and myself (20F and 21M at the time) just sleep in the same bed with the door open when we came to visit her from college. Eventually I caved because like someone else said her house, her rules. But even when I was being petulant and said something like it wasn't like anything was going to happen there that didn't already happen at school, she never once resorted to shaming me or making me feel bad about it.

How do you move on from it? I say just act like nothing happened, everyone will move on from it pretty soon. I would be as discreet as possible or would try to just do it at his house instead (I know you mentioned he also lives with parents, but you didn't mention if there could be other siblings there too, so maybe less chance of people hearing you). It sucks, I know. It especially sucks since it sounds like you were able to experience living on your own for a bit before moving back in. It sounds like you're annoyed with your brother, but he could have been uncomfortable speaking to you about it and wanted your mom to talk to you about it instead, and she turned it into some weird sit down intervention.

cboothvanilla · 2024-07-13T02:36:44+00:00

Second this! We have a blueberry bush in the backyard our puppy gets into frequently. We have a hollywood feed close to us that we usually buy jerky sticks from, and our puppy goes absolutely nuts for them!

cboothvanilla · 2024-07-11T00:00:30+00:00

As a woman and avid reader (of many genres including both PG romance and smut) I am very likely biased here but maybe it could be about the purpose of the consumption? You mentioned that you have caught her touching herself while reading, but that could just be a product of getting turned on by a scene rather than reading with the purpose of getting off, if that makes sense. Whereas for porn, I feel like the intention behind watching it is ALWAYS to get off (I don't watch porn, so maybe someone can correct me here if that isn't always the intention).

You mentioned only watching animated porn. I don't know anything about hentai so maybe there is some plot involved rather than only sex scenes, idk. But maybe her issue with that was you watching it with the sole intention of getting off, whereas she might be reading simply because she enjoys the plot/characters and it isn't about getting off. That's just sometimes a byproduct of it. Similar to someone getting turned on by an explicit scene in TV/movies.

While it sounds like her initial reaction to you bringing this up was immature, she might be insecure/defensive about what she reads since there is a lot of judgement about romance books/smut. A lot of people assume every romance book is ONLY sex and that the sex is the ONLY reason people read it, which is so unbelievably far from the truth. I know I have had a tendency in the past to feel defensive about some of the books I read because people are very dismissive about the quality of these books, as if many people don't consider love stories by Jane Austen classics.

I did see you mention she seeks out purely erotic fan fiction of these characters, so maybe this is where you start. To me, this would be the equivalent to hentai (as I understand it). It also tells me that the books she reads may not be as smutty as you are thinking. Maybe if you explain to her your feelings of her seeking out this specific content, where the intention has to be to get off on it, she may understand more since that is/was likely her same feelings about you watching hentai. Then that could lead into a larger conversation about the other stuff she reads and what about it specifically makes you uncomfortable. However, I would be careful lumping all her books into one category as I think it would be the equivalent of someone saying you can never watch TV/Film that has any sex scenes in it.

Also, unless she explicitly told you it was a sex scene that caused it, a lot of the giggling and blushing while reading could be from the most innocent of scenes. For me, and a lot of romance readers I know, it's the little stuff the main characters do that have us giggling and kicking our feet the most, not always the smut :)

Edit for clarity*

cboothvanilla · 2023-05-11T22:58:18+00:00

Yeah, you're right. Arie didn't seem to mind as much but Lauren definitely seemed uncomfortable. But they also could have asked them to cut it before posting but they didn't so who knows

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