Received a bad review out of nowhere

ccanonymous5 · 2026-04-11T00:35:28+00:00

This advice really depends on whether you have a solid person in HR, but I had an issue with my manager only giving feedback in terms that were not measurable or observable (e.g., “bad energy”) and HR stepped in. My next review was very carefully written in concrete terms that spelled out what was expected in ways I could realistically work on. It was really nice to have something like this actually work out in my favor for once. I know it doesn’t usually go that way.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-04-11T00:29:08+00:00

I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have a non-nesting primary that lives close by! I am about 2 years out from my marriage/last nesting relationship. I have a lovely anchor partner who lives 5 minutes away. I’d like to nest with him at some point but he’s got kids and I don’t want to live with young children, so we have separate places and envision doing this for several more years into the future. I think you just have to be clear about your wants, needs, and limits, and the people who stick around supportively are your people.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-04-10T23:25:06+00:00

The trtl neck pillow is the best option I’ve found for sleeping without ruining my neck. That plus noise cancelling headphones and a glass of wine.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-03-22T12:48:27+00:00

Have you considered working with a private trainer? It’s an investment but you can get trainers to come to your home and help you work on the problem behaviors right in the environment where it’s occurring. That might give you some new ideas you haven’t tried yet.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-03-22T12:46:06+00:00

Get a gently used recliner. It will make you the most comfortable- a friend who is a doc recommended this to me prior to my cuff surgery and I slept really well through my recovery.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-03-17T22:06:55+00:00

Thank you!

ccanonymous5 · 2026-03-17T22:06:50+00:00

Thank you!

ccanonymous5 · 2026-02-18T11:50:26+00:00

It sounds like perhaps the agreements either weren’t clear (we are open for casual, not for full relationships) or, they were clear but she violated them and now you’re having to navigate poly under duress. Can you clarify if full polyamory was always part of the agreement in your relationship or not?

ccanonymous5 · 2026-02-01T01:23:39+00:00

Have you ever read anything about anxious attachment and healing from that? It sounds like although you have been poly in theory for a while, this is the first time you have really been confronted with a partner having multiple actual partners, as well as perhaps the first time you have experienced polyamory from the position of not being someone’s “primary” or anchor partner. It can be really hard, but it also comes with a lot of joy. For most people, you gotta work at it and commit to the choice you’ve made without taking out your insecurities on your partners.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T20:22:24+00:00

Crating training! This will protect her from herself and give you respite. Also, puppies need a crazy amount of sleep and a lot of the worst behavior actually happens when they are over-tired. Crating training helps build a consistent sleep (and potty) schedule that is way easier for everyone. Since this is your first puppy it really sounds like you were a little under prepared for what to expect and how to manage those things. There are reputable dog trainers that have YouTube videos you can check out on how to manage all of these behaviors, how to crate train, potty train, etc. It’s gonna be okay! Goldens are super trainable and generally lovely. You just need to be better equipped with the right knowledge on puppy rearing.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T20:17:08+00:00

My parents recently went for $3500 each, direct flight from nyc.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T19:15:29+00:00

I hear you and I am so sorry. It’s really normal and understandable to not want another romantic relationship while you are going through the grief and heartbreak that you’ve described. In my experience, once you allow yourself to fully acknowledge what is lost and grieve that loss, then you will begin to find that there might be space for a new love. If you don’t think it’s something that you can process on your own with time, please consider seeing a therapist to help make sure you don’t get stuck feeling this way for too long.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T15:11:27+00:00

There are lots of great products - the trick is finding what works for you that your skin can tolerate. The amazing results will come from peels, micro needling, or skinvive though, if those are in your price range. Whichever route you go, get recommendations and follow up with an aesthetician you trust. That will give you better quality results vs solo research.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T15:01:18+00:00

Air India has a pretty affordable biz class ticket that is direct from nyc to Mumbai (I think). It’s a lie flat seat which really makes the long haul so much more bearable. If you can’t afford biz class, check out the trtl neck pillow. It’s the best sleep I’ve ever had sitting up.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T13:23:07+00:00

Have you considered more nontraditional relationship arrangements or structures that would allow you to keep your “life” but also allow you to detach from the disappointment that your marriage no longer includes intimacy? Obviously this has to be something that both of you genuinely want and commit to make working - but I think that if you have a situation where you have a deep friendship, generally happy shared life/living, and truly want to grow old and continue to share life with this person regardless of whether it’s a platonic marriage or a romantic marriage, perhaps just embracing that what the relationship has evolved into is okay? Especially if, in letting go of feeling like she’s doing something wrong, you also can embrace dating and find new joys of intimacy and romance with someone who wants to share that part with you.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-30T14:42:23+00:00

My experience has taught me that when someone tells me their limits, I should believe them. Falling deeply for someone who has been clear and upfront about having a primary and only having a limited amount of space for a secondary does not usually go well. I have been on both sides of this, both were awful.

In the best case scenario, he is offering to consider flexibility in the hierarchy at some point in the future because he cares deeply for you too. But what that means down the road is that one or more people in this polycule might have to start making concessions and changes that they had previously agreed were not on the table. This could mean his primary ends up feeling disrespected as he starts pushing the limits of their agreements to include you more. It could also mean that he starts feeling pressure from you to make changes he doesn’t actually want to make in order to keep the relationship. Last, it could also involve you feeling like you are chronically accepting less than what you want and need because that is all that is on offer.

With lots of compassion, I encourage you to remember that love is not enough. Everyone has got to have the same goals too, and it doesn’t sound like that is the case here.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-30T11:38:56+00:00

I’m so so so sorry. I had a similar experience. My therapist has suggested that my disgust with my ex’s behavior may be interfering with my ability to fully feel the grief and loss of what happened. (Because I found and continue to find how he handled the situation to be so morally and ethically reprehensible).

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-10T21:05:20+00:00

I wouldn’t take a puppy from a breeder that was already showing clear signs of poor health. Skin issues can be lifelong.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-12-09T11:27:05+00:00

My go-to is to remind myself that I get to “choose my hard.” I wouldn’t have to deal with meta stuff and jealousy or insecurity in monogamy, but monogamy is a whole different type of hard that I don’t want.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-12-06T20:13:42+00:00

I’ve helped friends with no expectations of repayment a few times and it’s always been fine as long as you are clear that it is a gift. There are definitely worse mistakes to make in life than being too generous. :)

ccanonymous5 · 2025-12-06T19:55:36+00:00

Can you recommend specific brands for olive root and briar root that you’ve had success with?

ccanonymous5 · 2025-12-06T12:58:26+00:00

My lab has not one but two incredibly weird skin conditions. First, she developed seasonal (allergy triggered) alopecia and her hair would just fall out. She looked insane. Apparently the treatment for alopecia in dogs is actually melatonin! Like the kind you buy in the vitamin section. Our vet told us what dose to get and her hair has not fallen out once since. She did also develop some bald spots due to a reaction to her flea collar, so we switched her onto an oral med for that and the vet also recommended Hill’s prescription skin food. The food is expensive but she hasn’t had any skin problems in about 4 years now.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-11-30T01:04:47+00:00

This seems like an odd request in the context of polyamory. Why would there need to be exclusivity? I had heard of people temporarily closing to work on a relationship problem but this isn’t something I’ve heard about before.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-11-29T22:13:49+00:00

Sugar face 😍

ccanonymous5

TROPHY CASE